I'm "only" the stepmom, but I'm in charge of raising the kids...
I love my husband, and I love his two children like my own (boy 3, girl 5). We have them 50/50 every week, and on a daily basis I am in charge of feeding, bathing, singing to sleep, diaper changes, discipline (but I refuse to spank), kissing booboos...you name it. BTW, by husband is the most caring, passionate father, I just think he prefers to play with them over dealing with the other aspects of parenting-don't get me wrong, he chips in here in there, but mostly he just plays all day with them.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that my stepkids look to me as their second mother, and that's because I take care of them like one--they even call me "Mommy" most of the time. But when it comes to tricky issues, such as parenting-style differences with their biomom, or what school they should go to, or the visitation schedule, I am "ONLY" the stepmother, and therefore, have no say. I read a lot about how stepparents should step back and let the biological parents do their job, but that's just not how our family works. I do try my hardest to not step on their biomom's toes when it comes to these issues. My husband is a big pushover when it comes to her, trying to avoid conflict, so he usually gives in to what she wants despite what he or I want. It feels unfair letting her call all the shots.
Any advice on how to deal with the frustration of caring too much about children that are "NOT" mine?