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I wish I could have a cocktail or THREE right now!

Evil_Step_Monster's picture

BG: Married for 3 years, 5 weeks pregnant, my 3 kids live with us as well as a stepson (SS). Bio-mom (BM) is a shit-stirrer and she is successfully turning my SS into one as joke. It's been utter hell since she decided to come back into the picture 2 years ago. In-laws were great until about 3 months ago...they even took in my kids as their own grandchildren...never any differences made between blood-related or not.

Long story short...BM has poisoned SS mind against me and he now makes up crap about me (not that I abuse him, but certainly not nice things). He constantly mopes around saying how unhappy he is and how he wants to go lives with his mom, yada, yada, yada. However, he can never give anyone a valid or believable reason for his unhappiness.

MIL/FIL and BIL/SIS suddenly only care about SS and his happiness. They told me and my husband that we don't do enough for SS. Heck, he's treated just like the other 3 in our home. What gets me is that for years I have been praised by the in-laws for doing so much for SS as his own mother never took an interest in him. Before she came back into the picture he NEVER had a complaint about me. No, I'm not the same with him as I used to be and who would be after 2 years of constant disrespect from a kid...but I'm also not mean. I still make sure that all of his needs are met. I just refer him to his father for most things to avoid any additional drama.

No longer do the in-laws ask about my children or attempt to see them. My 6 year old's birthday was on the 30th and it was not even acknowledged by the in-laws.They don't come to soccer games or cheer competitions, but they DO make sure they come to SS events.

This really pisses me off. We haven't told them about this baby and we are debating if we will or not. We're both ready to tell all of them to kiss our butts!

As my husband was getting ready for work this morning, he told me about a phone conversation he had with BIL yesterday. Why he waited this long to tell me, I have no clue! Basically, it consisted of regurgitated BS from other conversations but BIL added this: If I were you, I'd tell her that if SS goes to live with his mom that you'd make sure no one in that house would be happy again. ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING?! I asked DH what he said to that. He said he told BIL that he doesn't think that I'm the problem.

I told DH that I wish I could have heard the conversation, but threats/ultimatums are NEVER EVER the way to go with me! I felt the need to throw that in there just in case he decided to ever take BIL's advice. I also told DH that from now on, if the in-laws have something to say to me, they need to grow a sac and call me directly.

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

You poor thing… there’s NO WAY that you should be treated like this by his jerk-water family. I’m ready to find that BIL and kick him in the knee myself… what an unbelievable JERK!!! The rest of them can pound salt too… how dare they treat your kids well one minute and then completely turn their backs on them the next, don’t they have any compassion over what that DOES to a child..? Let alone making you feel like crap for no good reason.

I really think that BM is being a forked tong whisper in their ears… I think she (and SS by proxy) have poisoned them towards you some how… and I definitely think it’s up to your DH to step up and set everybody straight. If he doesn’t make it a point to correct any misgivings and ill treatment from his family towards you I’d really have to second guess his real intentions towards you and your marriage. My DH would loose his mind if his family started treating me poorly…

I’d sit DH down and seriously have a talk with him about his course of action as far as correcting this situation. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way…

Evil_Step_Monster's picture

Thanks for your kind words. I just hung up with DH. I told him that I didn't want ANY of the kids around the in-laws until apologies are made. He said that he wasn't sure that he wanted to go that far at this time. HUH? Why not? Having the in-laws stay away from SS (and mine too) will keep them from coming up with more crap to throw my way.

One minute I swear DH is on my side and the next I have to wonder if maybe his family is getting to him. Why would he not be infuriated at what they have done???

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

I don’t know why he wouldn’t be infuriated… has he always been kinda wishy-washy as far as his family goes..? (Don’t wanna say “Mamma’s Boy” but sometimes if the shoe fits…) Is he the kind of person who just naturally backs away from conflict..? If so you may have to really make a federal case over how bad this is hurting you, and if he STILL won’t do anything maybe you should call up his mom (or dad or brother) and ask them directly if they have a problem with you and really hash it out…

One thing I can promise you… family issues like these grow and kill like a cancer to a marriage. I’d try to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

My DH is as brutally honest as they come… in your face and harsh about it.
And our marriage and relationship is the crest on his suite of armor… he’d die to defend its honor. THAT’S a man… THAT’S a husband…

I’m so sorry you’re going through this…

Evil_Step_Monster's picture

He's not a Momma's boy. He's had it out with his Mom before about much smaller things. He doesn't like conflict but I've never seen him back down if something needed to be said/done. That's why I'm perplexed about this. About a year ago he called and blasted his Mom for bringing over a china hutch without his approval. He really laid into her about it...and this is SO MUCH more serious. I'm not sure if he's trying to protect SS in some way or what. Regardless, I AM his wife and my happiness and well-being should be his first concern especially since I'm carrying his child.

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

Exactly right!!!!
I don’t know dude… I’d really push the issue with him. Bring up the china hutch incident and ask him directly if your happiness isn’t as important as an ugly piece of furniture. Maybe this is all jealousy (on SS’s part) over the new baby coming… did it all start after you became pregnant..?

Evil_Step_Monster's picture

The kids don't know that I'm pregnant yet. I miscarried back in October so I'm afraid to say anything until I get a little further along.

I am certainly going to push the issue this evening when he gets home. I've been stewing over this for a while.