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I have no desire to help DH with stepson..

Jezzabell82's picture

Submitted by Jezzabell82 on Sun, 07/24/2011 - 10:52pm

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Blended Family Issues

I'll try and sum this up as best as I can. I have a SS who is almost 11 years old. I have BD who is 10. And me and DH have a 1 year old and another on the way. Well I have no interest in helping him with his son. Me and DH have been married 4 years and i have known step son 2 years. My child is very self sufficient, she knows how to dress herself properly, she showers, you know all the basic things you would expect a 10 year old to know how to do. Well SS still wets the bed, hates to shower, wears the same clothes over and over and cant remember what his name is some times when we are out in public. My DH thinks that I am a magician and am suppose to help this boy function at a normal level. This child is very manipulative, lies on me, is jealous of my children and plays DH like a fiddle. In the beggining i tried to help him raise him, but the child refuses to follow instruction from me or his father. The Bio mom is out of the picture and has been since day one. I have told DH repeatably that I do not feel comfortable being responsible for the primary care of his child. And he says you are a wonderful mother to your bio kids, you are being selfish by not helping me with him. That boy is beyond help, His next stop is bootcamp or boarding school. Am i really selfish? or am I right? Because i feel like the formative years have already passed by... There's not much I can do

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Sun, 07/24/2011 - 11:21pm

When you find that boot camp or boarding school-let me know so I can send my ss13 there. At one point I was very much involved with my ss until his behavior got so bad and started to try and fix it. Uh oh. I was an awesome bm and sm until that point. Fixing ss meant actually disciplining him and that did not go over well with anyone If I were you I wouldnt touch it with a 10 ft pole-what I would do is advise your dh to take ss to a therapist and for him to speak to the therapist about how to properly parent him. Buy a couple of parenting books and leave them sitting around for dh. You can support your dh, but I agree you should not be his child's primary parent.

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 7:27am

I love how your DH says the same thing as mine "you are such a wonderful parent to our kid, why can't you do that for SS?" Maybe because even at 14mths my child listens and wants to be with me and at almost 8 your kid doesn't listen and treats me like crap. You are not being selfish your responsibility is to your children and you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Your DH needs to step up and parent his child. By 11yrs old the major patterns have been set, now it is all a game of just keeping up. Hell by 7 I feel like the die has been cast. Our DH's need to understand that we can't help these kids if they don't want to be helped. Its like drug addicts if they don't want to go to rehab, rehab won't work. These children get away with there bad behavior so why would they want to change it?