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I can't stand my SD9 and her stupid MW syndrome/Bossy

Megsixo's picture

Trigger Warning!!!

Long story short I have been with SO for about 2½ years and was fine until SD9 has been difficult to deal with and around. We had our first Bio Baby as of Jan 9th we try to give her attention and include her in things with baby bro. She's been incredibly difficult. I get so angry, jealous, resentful, frustrated, overwhelmed by her clingy to her dad, mini wife syndrome, rude and ignoring.... I also blame SO for it as well. Our parenting styles are clashing and causing problems. Idk how to fix. Is it my unreasonable views or his kissing ass to his daughter to like him more? He pretty much puts her first before anyone else and sickening. Yet I put him first followed by my children. SMH I'm lost.

Point form so easier to understand the recent challenges

  • She's been rude and refuses to listen and follow through with standard my rules in my home such as clean up after herself, listen to us, dishes in sink after eating and scraps in the garbage (will not)
  • Cuddles in her dad and kisses his lips ... gross
  • Likes to shove herself in between us
  • Me me me allllll about meeeeeee
  • Demanding 
  • Demanding attention more than what we can give with us having a 19 mos old toddler (my bio), 5 year old (my bio), and our bio newborn.
  • Purposefully ignores me. Dad gives her shit for it still doesn't care,
  • Dirty clothes go in laundry
  • Ungrateful for things bought for her. Like almost entitled attitude.
  • Didnt try to call her dad at Christmas which hurt his feelings he was stuck winching cars out of ditches after the blizzard. She didn't even feel bad
  • Refuses to open drinks and need help constantly or making food which she should
  • Doesn't follow through with chores rather play with toys or sit on her butt on the couch and procrastinate
  •  She was bitchy and irritable and (whiny voice) TIRED and claimed she had a headache. Literally right after giving and swallowing her tylenol she was completelt fine. All a show in my opinion. Daddy is falling for it. I just rolled my eyes and nacho supreme it.
  • Always cuddling and shoving her way into her dad and he enables it. It makes me cringe and makes me mad.
  • Shoved her nose into phones thats not her business! I'm tired of her looking at my screen. She needs to learn boundaries and to mind her own business. My adult talk or text time is at night.
  • She took the whole damn side of the couch and I couldn't sit there so I sat in my room. Mind you I'm 2½ weeks post partum. I cried and was mad/angry. That's my spot I sit on far side and she refused to move. He let her sit there. Next time I'm gonna lose it on both that was completely unfair. 
  • Im jealous slightly yes I am because I can't cuddle with my man and that little shit is always in the way!!! I wish I could just boot her off the damn couch and stop being so needy and demanding and being so freakin clingy 
  • I used to like her but totally dislike her after him enabling her bs! It's time to put a stop to it. She's 9 freaking years old and she acts like a 5 year old. She uses whiny voices and baby voices and I just can't stand it. My 5 year old talks maturely and respectful and she's amazing. SD on the other hand not so much! Totally opposite. I get a broken home with going to two parenting styles but she needs to learn it's time to change I hate to be a beeyotch but that's how I was raised. My house my rules. Period.
  • She refuses to respect my home! Like I don't ask for much. I told her I can come to her room at dads and make a mess and make her clean it up. It's the same damn thing and I don't appreciate what she does to my home not cleaning up after herself.
  • She's so demanding and her whiny baby talk makes me go mad. She's 9 almost 10 there is no reason for her squeaky whiny bratty voice then again daddy is fine with that. In my opinion NOO it's not. Talk in a normal voice.

 

Winterglow's picture

The main problem is your husband because he is not only tolerating and doing nothing to change her behavior but is actively enabling it. Start with him. 

justmakingthebest's picture

So you are 21 day PP. I know you don't want to hear this but I am sure that the hormones are making things worse for you. Not saying that your SD isn't jealous and revving up her PITA attitude/neediness, but she is also adjusting. 

Have you asked your DH to just send her back to her mom's for a few weeks and allow you the time for bonding and rest? I see you are an experienced mom but SD is triggering you in unhealthy ways right now.

Metaldude73's picture

MegSix0 - I feel for ya, truly.  Your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine has been for the past 7-8 years.  When I first started dating my now wife back in 2015, I quickly identified that her then 5YO daughter was gonna be a handful.  She did all the things you referenced above at 5 years old!  She continued on with the baby voice shit and still does it to this day.  She's effing 12 years old, almost 13 now!!!  Has always driven me batshit crazy.  She's an attention whore beyond belief.....has to make the BIG SCENE walking into the room no matter who is around.  The more people, the bigger the scene.  I absolutely hate it.

I have attempted to put this SKID in her place over the years, but mamma bear always comes to her rescue.  I gave up long ago and usually just turn and walk out of the room when she starts up her shenannigans.  And they wonder why she doesn't get much love from her stepdad............

Harry's picture

He putting SD above your family.  Time to ha Have that talk with him.   Your way or the highway. He must change or get our 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Be gentle with yourself and congrats on the baby. You need to feel less stress so you can bond with your new addition.

You can get DH to handle the mini wife, but looks like he is a guilty daddio so he will resist.

What is a hormonal new mom to do you ask?  Let your DH know how you are feeling, If he does nothing, then task yourself with putting SD in her place. Wear that dang crown and own it.

Blessings

la_dulce_vida's picture

I'm going to say it - I've said it before.

If another woman (MW) has a man's balls in her purse, I'm not touching his weiner.

I could not be intimate with a man who treats his daughter of any age as a mini wife.

And I would videotape him letting her lay all over him and kiss him on the lips. Then try to show him videos of young girls doing that same thing with their daddies. Chances on when he sees someone else doing it, he'll think it's gross. That's when you offer video proof of him and SD doing it, too.

walfredo's picture

You wanted, and planned to add a child to this new family dynamic.  I think her acting out, and wanting attention in this scenario is completely normal, and your jealousy of her relationship with her dad is off.