Husband wants my 22 year old out of the house
I was married 7 months ago to a man with 5 kids, 3 adult (29-33) and 2 that live with us (16 & 18). He knew when I met him, married him and let him and his 2 teens move in with us that my son still lived at home, works full time, pays his own bills, food and rent to me and wasn't planning on moving for a couple years. He works in the car industry and has been learning new skills so when he moves to another state, where we have family, he can make better money and have better job options. He has a plan and it isn't staying home forever. The only thing he costs me is space. My husband is constantly upset over the fact that there are cars and car parts in the garage and outside. We've addressed parking issues and access issues so in my opinion, it really isn't hurting him. It's become such a point of contention, I'm already thinking of divorce. Today he said he owns half the house (he put a payment down equaling 1/3 of the equity in my house), he's on the title now and he's going to start making the mortgage payments so he has the right to at least kick my son out of the garage if he wants. In the meantime, his children walk all over me, walk all over him, money him to death, have no respect for the house I worked so hard on and put so much money into to be nice and that's all ok. It's ok if his daughter comes to the dinner table in her underwear and talks about vile things and it goes on and on. I very nicely tell him why I don't like some of those things they do and leave it up to him to take care of. Most of the time, nothing changes. My son largely stays in his room and the garage and out of everyone's way. He doesn't ever eat with us because he doesn't feel comfortable and buys his own food anyway. He's just trying to stay low until he can move away from the house he grew up in as he doesn't feel comfortable or wanted. I told my husband that he can't move right now because he doesn't make enough money and his response was "that's his problem, not yours". I'm very frustrated and even though we have a great relationship outside of any "kid" issues, I'm nearly ready to move on. Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. "Frustrated Mom/Wife/Step-Mom"
1. I agree, but my son has a
1. I agree, but my son has a solid plan that hasn't deviated from and that I agreed to before I even met my husband.
2. When we were first talking about selling his house and re-financing mine together, we asked the realtor he was using what he would list my house for. We based our 1/2 buy in on that. Once we actually did the re-fi, the appraisal came back substantially more than the realtor had told us. At that point we were knee deep in a re-fi but decided to continue as my husband decided he would pay the mortgage and I would pay the utilities/food. We felt in the end, it would be fair. So he's listed on the title and throwing his weight around but hasn't actually had to pay a mortgage payment yet.
The refi just happened in
The refi just happened in December. The first payment isn't due until February and yes, all of a sudden his attitude has changed. I e-mailed our lender to see about refinancing and paying him his share back.
And I totally agree.
And I totally agree. Counseling would be good but my husband doesn't think we need it.
Not even close to long
Not even close to long enough. Hence, the problems. We met in October of 2014, didn't really start dating until December 2014 and were married by June.
You're not going to like my
You're not going to like my comments,
1 If you DON'T want this to end up in a divorce you need to consider your husband's needs.
2. The garage is your hubby's man cave. He deserves his garage, let him have his territory. I'm sure you wouldn't want your SKIDS in your bathroom and bedroom all the time and have their junk all over the place. A man needs some territory to be happy, give it to him.
3. He paid for some of this house, your son did not. Therefore, he's right to feel he should be able to call some of the shots. When your son buys a house, he can call the shots.
4. Are you about to get divorced over a grown son who's about to move out and spread his wings? Your son's going to move out and you're going to be divorced and fighting over this property? Doesn't sound like a good long-term decision to me.
5. I also "knew" my DH had 2 kids with ADHD when I married him. What I didn't know is that SS10 would make me miserable. So who cares whether or not your DH knew you had a son who was living with you. I'm sure he thought it would work out.
6. I agree with you that the problems with your SKIDS are certainly a problem that could lead you to leave, and you shouldn't be treated that way. Tell him you guys need marriage counseling or this is going to end up in divorce like 70% of every blended family.
Before anyone has to move out, you want counseling, period.
His 18yr old should go if her
His 18yr old should go if her 22yr old has to. An adult is an adult, right?
Sure, I'm not agreeing with
Sure, I'm not agreeing with the boy having to go--just that the DH should have his garage.
I think they should go to counseling before anybody has to "go".
I agree that a man has a need
I agree that a man has a need for their own "man cave". There is a quite large storage attached to the garage with windows, electricity and two walk out doors. He knew this would be his area and was happy with that before he moved in. I spent hundreds insulating it and finishing the walls before he moved in. All it needs is a duct run from the garage furnace to heat the area but he said he'd rather use a heater he already has. It has shelves and was a perfect place til now. Right after he moved in, he decided it wasn't enough space (even though it is by far larger than half the garage) so we went to Lowe's and bought a giant wood shed for extra space. I feel I've taken his needs into account.
My son has had a full time
My son has had a full time job (the same job) since he graduated. Since then he pays all of his own bills (cell phone, insurance, etc.), buys all of his own food and gas and pays rent.
SS wants to go to college in Arizona but his dad doesn't think he's mature enough so he told him he needs to stay at home with us for a few years and go to community college, which I have no problem with except for the fact that the kid wants to experience "real" college and isn't allowed to.
I'm not asking his adult kid to move on, I only expect the same courtesy. My bs has said where he's working is like school to him. He's learning to weld and do body work and paint and all sorts of things that will help him get a job in the market he wants to while paying his own way 100%.
Once these kids are gone, I don't want any of them back. I think if they have a few more years to plant themselves firmly on their feet, there's less likelihood of that happening.
quite frankly (im gonna get
quite frankly (im gonna get shit for this)
Tell him to focus on HIS kids and not worry about your son.
He knew the deal from the start-he knew what he was getting into-so because now SF isn't happy-he wants to just kick your son?!
eh eh doesn't work that way.
Because then you can play tit for tat
"Ok you say my son's old enough to move out-so can your 18yr old"
Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!
We had a very thorough
We had a very thorough discussion about it.
God forbid if something were
God forbid if something were to happen to you right now, your son would be on the street and this guy and his kids would be in your house. :jawdrop: :sick: :sick:
Get his name off of your title and return his money ASAP.
**Whoo-hoo** {fist
**Whoo-hoo** {fist pump}
Pre-existing lease agreement of 2-3 years.
DH more than likely is trying to pee on every fence post to assert his rightful-male, owner-of-the-castle rights. In the process he is making himself look pitiable, weak and a bully.
Home equity loan to pay off DH with a QuitClaim Deed to buy you some time to breathe and find some balance?
Ugh - My DH is paying me rent
Ugh - My DH is paying me rent and is not on the title of my house which I bought 15 years before I met him , and never will be ! DH complains about my 2 cats and I told him they will be here long after he's gone and he shiut up about it .
This is your house and he has no right to kick out your son while his adult daughter is living there . I would not put up with this shit .
Now the car parts in garage and outside would bother me . As a compromise , tell son that the car parts need to go . Can he rent a storage area or does he have a buddy where he can store / work on them instead ?
Is his 18 yr old paying rent?
Is his 18 yr old paying rent?
No but he is still in High
No but he is still in High School. I think he should get a job but his dad is afraid if he does he'll fail in school. I think it would just cut into his after school nap time.
Agreed but I'll be shocked if
Agreed but I'll be shocked if that actually happens.
My response would be the
My response would be the same. I don't care if the kid is freeloading or not. I believe the person who owns the house gets to decide if his/her kids can stay there or not. That is why I hate the idea of couples moving into the new wife's or husband's home.
This guy knew the plan going in. He was fine with everything UNTIL his name was on the deed. In my opinion, that shows that he is up to no good.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your different perspectives (good and bad) and advice. I had always heard the stories but never really understood how difficult blending families could be. I appreciate your input.