how to discipline or tell off step child with being accused of picking on them
Hi,
I have been with my partner for 3 1/2 years, and living together for 18 months.
She has two children from her previous marriage, a son 10, and a daughter 15. Both are incredibly immature, and the son has behavour issues.
I have tried, without any success, to discipline them since my partner belives it doesn't work. as a result she wont support me.
The boy has no friends at school and has had to be moved from class to class because of his attitude. He get's picked on all the time because of what he does or says and is almost out of control.
an example this weekend was we were out to dinner with a group of us. he was eating his dinner with his fingers, so I told him to use a knife and fork..the third time I told him I raised my voice slightly and my partner accused me of trying to humiliate him in front of others.
My argument was why did I have to tell him three times? She doesn't belive in discipline and as a result I belive they are learning that it doesn't matter what they do because they will get what the want anyway.
She tells them to do something and when they don't do it, she starts a countdown from 5..when they still don't do it, she just tells them again..and again.
why a countdown? why not just tell them to do it, and if they don't do it they suffer the consequences?
The girl used to leave the light on upstairs all the time, so I removed the bulb and she had to go up to bed in the dark...now, she doesn't leave the light on anymore...simple.
however...back to the question...what can I do?
pick your battles...if there
pick your battles...if there are few battles, then you don't sound like you're picking on them. countdowns don't work for 15 year olds. it's sad, but without your partner's support, there's no point in disciplining, honestly. sounds like you and your partner need to sit down and come up with an age appropriate discipline plan - together. express that you both need to be on the same side and you both deserve equal respect from the children, so you can equally respect the children. tell her you are afraid to say things because you don't want to sound like you're picking on anyone. tell her you need her help. discipline won't work if only one person does it and the other one just gives up. i gave up for a while and my kids went wild. they learned that if i was tired of saying no, they could do whatever they wanted because i wouldn't follow through. and they just kept getting worse.
don't stop caring. that's kinda giving up. ever heard the saying "it takes a village"? well, it does take a village to mold kids into successful adults. if you are a part of the family, you should help with the children any way you can. if you disengage, then you're the third wheel after a while. it can get lonely and frustrating being so disconnected from the family. yeah, they're her kids, but it's your home now, too and it's your partner. if the children aren't respecting her, either, then you should protect her from them, lol.
i agree, if she still doesn't support you after you try to solve this further, focus on your partner or move along. if she's worth it, you can just suffer right along with her. i like to try hard to make it better before giving up.
They're HER kids, not yours.
They're HER kids, not yours. You shouldn't be disciplining them. You can't do anything about it.
Why do you care how the 10 year old eats? Why do you care if Mom counts down and they ignore her? Ignore it.
BTW, I don't agree with her parenting style, either.
I think you need to sit down
I think you need to sit down with your partner and express that you guys are going to have to agree to some basic house rules and consequences for non-compliance with those rules.
I understand the whole disengaging thing, but come on, you have to live with them. If she's not willing to compromise, then you really need to evaluate if this is the woman for you.
She obviously doesn't care about your feelings.