First time to post, and really needing advise
I am a SM to SD6 (with BD since birth...long story and longer custody battle) and BM to D17 and S14. I am having major issues with different expectations for SD6 in comparison to D17 and S14 by H. (I hope I am getting these acronyms correct)
D17 and S14 were and are held to very high expectations...specifically when dealing with manners and levels of responsibility, personal and otherwise. H and I were in total agreement when we decided to involve kids in relationship on those expectations. Issue is, those same expectations don't apply to SD6, age appropriate of course. H will not discipline SD6 in front of the rest of us and when I say something about a behavior, he walks away. The result, SD6 ignores (and I mean ignores) the rest of us and H and SD6 go off by themselves and 'play'. I have addressed this issue numerous time...contributing factors are H family do not recognize myself or my BKids as part of the family and make that very clear in front of SD6 and BM to SD6 is very vocal as to her dislike and openly shares this with her daughter.
Today when I addressed a solution that I will assume if he feels a behavior is unacceptable, it is up to him to address, I will no longer. His response was that he only sees BD6 half the time and what did I want...him not to spend time with her? I reminded him that NO ONE interferes with his time with BD6 nightly hour or so bedtime routine nor there special morning time. I fully recognize the importance of 'quality time', but it is important to recognize the importance of 'family time'.
I truly feel like I have served my purpose of helping to fight for his rights to be a father and now that SD6 is in school, the necessity of a SM is less. This especially holds true when his family is here for the summer...and just found out plan to be here for the winter as well.
Whewww...that was a mouthful!
My DH appears to have
My DH appears to have different rules for SS4 also. I have tried so many time discussing it with him but until I found this website, didnt realize that he suffered from daddy guilt and there was no hope. Ive come to the conclusion that I will try my best to raise all 3 kids equally but I wont interfere with DH and SS. If SS grows up to be rude, disrespectful, etc. I won't take respsonsibility for that bc DH didn't allow me in. I really feel that men don't understand the difference in gender. What a woman expects and can teach is so different from a man and a child needs both on a day to day basis. THey feel like we are attacking them, bc of daddy guilt, so they push us away. There isnt a cure for that one I dont think. Just do the best with your bios and hope all turns out well in the end. I guess thats what alot of blended family is...holding out hope! DH says the same thing ab SS. His time is limited so should be more involved. I think the time should still be spent equally as we do have a DS together and by him not spending time with him on the days SS is here, is ultimately giving DS the same disadvantage as SS. Living in the same home as both parents but getting the attention of a child from a broken. Men are stubborn creatures...I hope it works out for you but in my 2 yrs of marriage, have yet to come up with any solutions