DH has started putting me down in front of SS
Things haven't gotten any better at my house. This is a big rant , and I'm needing some words of encouragement and empathy. Last weekend SS wanted to go to a monster truck show and I told him me and his dad had plans to go out(our kid free weekend). SS called to tattle on me like always,while on his way to his moms and I was with DH when he got the call. He said to SS "she said that?, are you sure?" I got drilled because we actually only had plans to do something on Saturday, he didn't know I wanted to go to our friends house that night. But he thought I was trying to start something and lied to him so he couldn't go. He never sticks up for me as a parent to his kids or mine for that fact, (im the bad guy , he let's them do whatever). Well SS ended up staying all weekend (my punishment I guess). I have told DH that the way he acts toward me is a true reflection on how SS acts toward me (totally disrespectful). DH blames me for the way SS acts, and I'm sorry, I don't argue with 11 year olds, and no child will disobey without being punished. DH says I'm lazy ,I don't make enough money, and don't clean house which is the biggest lie ever ,I'm currently working on my masters for my nurse practitioners, I'm already a nurse, I go to school 5 days a week. 8-4 sometimes 6-4 (clinicals) then work 2 -12's on the weekend. When I come in I sit down and turn the tv on ,and that's where SS usually sees me when he gets home from school. He has said to me before that I don't do anything and I'm lazy. Pretty much the same stuff that comes out of his dads mouth. Last night we ate out (rare occasion) DH got mad when the check came and he saw the amount, got mouthy at the table and told me I needed to start going to work earlier so I can start contributing and said that this is getting ridiculous. He thinks I should be working as much as him and go to school. He's the one that pushed me to go back! Then that night SS and DH apparently made up a plan to go to the movies and take SD, her BF, older SS (20) all to the movies! SS was acting shady and I heard him say something about the movies and I was like ?, and then DH played it off like it was just decided. I was like #1 what about the $ you were just bitching about, #2 why weren't me and My kids invited? His excuse was that he never spends money on his older kids. Oh and when I over heard SS whispering about it and caught them, he totally gave the "but u said they wouldn't come Dad!" Look. It's not hard to see when SS is trying to pin DH against me, or plot something with his Dad. 2 weeks ago I had told him not to clean his hamster cage out(it was late). He smarted off and said, you are always telling ne to do it, and I said yes, but I also told you not to do it in the house anymore and its late. He said I'm doing it anyway, his dad said "why can't he? See this is how you start stuff with him". Finally DH agreed with me, told him that if he done it he would get punished, SS smarted off again," I don't care I'm doing it,ill take a spanking if that's what you think you have to do". Well he done exactly what we told him not to, then DH says as soon as your done you need to decide what your punishment is going to be standing in the corner, or getting a spanking. I blew my lid! I said no ! His punishment is what you said it was going to be. He fake spanked him! He took him to the bed room and didn't do it. I wanted to ground him cause I think he is way too old for a spanking anyway, but that's what DH wanted. I am so fed up , I cant argue with this man! I hate my disgusting SS who would still be sleeping with my DH if we weren't married, I hate him I really do. Help me Jesus!
yeesh dude. your DH should
yeesh dude. your DH should never put you down in front of ANYONE, much less your SS. that is a huge problem, and if he doesn't agree you'll need to drag him into a counselor.
on a side note, way to freaking go on being a nurse. that is awesome. my long term goal is to become an nurse practitioner or a certified nurse midwife.
Omg I'm in the same boat!!! I
Omg I'm in the same boat!!! I would tell you to leave, he doesn't deserve you, a man should provide for his family, he doesn't appreciate you, he is disrespectful and down right mean. BUT I know that it is so much harder to do than to just walk out. Just know you are doing so much more with your life by going to school and you are being a mom, wife, SM AND working!! School is such an amazing accomplishment in itself. It takes time to reap the benefits of your HARD WORK at school but it is so much more fulfilling and will benefit you ALL so much more when its completed than for you to add a few more hours of work onto your already overflowing plate!!! He sounds like an ass!!! And so do his brats!!! I would sit him down and lay down the law and tell him that you are done being treated like garbage by him and his kids and if he doesn't start treating you like his WIFE AND MAKE his kids start respecting you, that you will just leave since that is what he is forcing you to do. See what he does! If he doesn't care and tells you to go, then you do not need to be with him because he doesn't appreciate you nor does he support you. I know its easier said than done. I know I have similar situation BUT my DH does show me such love and all he wants in this life is to make me and his kids happy which is why he will undermine me a lot with SS bc he doesn't want SS in trouble. Only for SS to be happy at ALL times BUT he wants the same for me. So I guess its a plus but man do I hate it when I punish SS and DH will tell him to come out of his room and play!! Ugh I wuna smack him. Lol. I'm really sorry for what u r going thru. Just know your worth and decide if this is something you can live with for the rest of your life. Don't let him break you down. You are doing so much more for you, your kids and your family by going to school. A few extra bucks now is not worth more than your education. Congrats on all you are achieving and keep us posted. Best of luck!!
There are a whole bunch of
There are a whole bunch of red flags waving wildly in my vision here. "DH says I'm lazy ,I don't make enough money, and don't clean house which is the biggest lie ever" <-- this is verbally and emotionally abusive. I'm glad you know it isn't true, but from what you're saying, your DH doesn't sound like a nice guy at All. It sounds like he has no respect for you, which is why SS has no respect for you.
He doesn't believe you when you tell him things, he accuses you of starting fights with an 11 year old, and he's blaming your SS's behavior on you. This guy wants a maid and a scape goat. He wants you a be his employee and pay him for the privilege of clean his house and looking after his kid and sharing his bed. I'd see if therapy might help, but if he's unwilling or he continues this crap, I'd be so out of there. There is no way I would want my kids to see me in this kind of relationship or have them start thinking it was okay to be disrespectful to me too.
Why in the hell are you still
Why in the hell are you still there????
What is your dignity worth to you?
Are you completely stripped of a sense of reality? Are you seriously so accustomed to this that you don't see how horrible it is from the core? You have been positioned to argue and defend yourself against a child? You and your kids are being disrespected, disliked, alienated, and DOWN GRADED, in front of you AND behind your back.
YOU ARE LIVING IN ENEMY TERRITORY!!!! GET THE F' OUT!!!
Write yourself a list of what
Write yourself a list of what you're getting from this relationship. What the f' makes it so damn valuable that you have to stick around? I'll bet the ONLY reason has dollar signs in front of it. Why in the hell do women allow men to do this shit to them? It kills me!
You are worth so much more than what these demons have decided you're worth. Do not let them decide your value! Decide for yourself what your value is and then act accordingly.