It is generally a mistake for kids to call stepparents mom or dad.  They may be jealous that they have to share their dad with your kids, and he actually has more time with them.  I am not certain how you solve this problem you guys have crfeated.  

I feel bad for the boys, but you need to grow up, they are not your kdis.

Honestly - I don't think stepkids should call stepparents "mom" or "dad".  I think that is a name reserved for one person only.

My SS one time said he would start calling me Mom after DH and I got married, and I told him that he should not do that, as he has a mother already.

I don't have bios, but I wouldn't want them calling another woman Mom if I did. 

That being said, "she, her and hey you" aren't OK, either.  Your DH needs to sit them down and ask them to call you by your first name, and let them know it's fine not to call you Mom.

BM wanted the skids to call her and DH by their first names. They didn't call them mom or dad. Even after they were divorced it continued. (DH never saw it but while we were dating and they still called him by his first name mostly, they would calling dadeee if they were manipulating him.)

When DH told BM that he was marrying me all of a sudden the skids were calling her and referring to her as mom. And she told DH that they were never to call me mom as THEY (she and DH) were the parents. No problem, lady. I don't want to be their mom.

The skids call me by my first name and DS calls DH by his first name. We tried to think of something like a nickname for each of us but couldn't come up with anything.

For lack of any other solution: can they call you "mom" in another language? We did that when DS had to learn his grandparents. There were extra with divorces and remarriages so using the words for grandma and grandpa in the language of one of the cultures worked to distinguish the grandparents.

Your husband lets them get away with calling you, "hey you"?

Fine, BM doesn't want them calling you, "Mom", whatever but, "she", "her" and "hey you" is unacceptable and disrespectful.

Your stepkids referring to you as "she," "her," and "hey you" is disrespectful.  If they no longer want to call you Mom, or if they've been forbidden to do so by BM, then you all need to come up with a different way for them to address you.  My skids call me by a nickname for my given name that no one else uses (they've always called me that and have never called me Mom except by accident).

I personally do not think it is appropriate for kids to call a stepmother Mom when there is a mother in the picture.  It's quite likely to get BM's back up, and why poke the bear?

I would try not to take it personally.  How the kids treat you is more important than what they call you.

I agree with the posters - mom and dad should be reserved for the actual mom and dad - by birth or adoption.  The kids need some guidance on what to call you and your DH needs to assist.  Figure out a nickname, first name, whatever.  But gotta put an end to Hey You.

I don't agree with a lot of people. I think it's fine if they call you "mom" or yours call Dh "dad."  I posted about this after SD6 asked if they could start calling me "mom." I honestly ignored it the first time and pretended I didn't hear it. I had NO CLUE how to respond. So i came onto here.  A SM who was a SD commented that she thought it was a good idea.  Not because I was taking a role, she pointed out everyone would ALWAYS be aware of the difference. But becuase when she was younger, she was forbidden to call her SM "mom" and it left her feeling like she was on the outside.  I also asked the skids counselor, she says as long as it's THEIR decision it doesn't do any harm.  It just absolutely cannot be coeerced.  

My Skids call me "mom." Psycho doesn't care anymore, she cared for like a day when she was pissed aobut something else. But then didn't care, because effort. (ya know?)  But she also has minimal involvement, abandoned them for a year, and has admitted she doens't even want them to her sister.  So it's not like she cares much about anything involving them, (excluding using them for food stamps, and if she takes visitation GBM pays bills....)

I know it stings, SD6 has asked if she could call me "PA" after she had started calling me mom. It felt like a slight. But I said yes. Becuase my feelings don't matter there. I want to be sure they know that no matter what it's their decision on what they call me (so long as it's respectful). She never goes back to PA though. Has just asked before.

Anyways, I'm sorry it hurts. But think of it this way... If BM is going to be mean, possibly punish your SS, etc. Then It's DEFINITELY not worth it. You seem to care about him, so think of it was a way to make sure he doesn't have to deal with any extra crap from BM over it.

I think it should be up to the kids. BM shouldnt have guilt tripped them about it, but at the same time since they are now choosing not to for whatever reason I think you should just let it be.

You are not there mother.  You should not be called mom by these children.  It latter in life in there 20 they want to call you mom out of respect for you. That another thing.  But now big NO 

Sounds like BM is super insecure and unable to deal with the fact that her sons don't find you to be the wicked stepmother, so kudos for that.

As for them calling you "her, she, hey you." does your DH approve of this? I find it really rude and if anything they should refer to you by your name. Sorry that the BM had to take away something that you and the kids were completely comfortable with.

SD7 calls me by my first name and I prefer it that way. In the early beginnings, she asked if she could call me mom but I told her I don't think her actual mom would like that. I agree with most of the others that if the bioparents are still alive, then mom/mother and dad/father titles should go to them. It's just recognition of who they actually are. I don't think a change in title should change your relationship though - if it's good it's good, no matter what you call each other. They need to call you SOMETHING though, and not hey you.

The feeling left out as another poster mentioned is interesting though. If SO and I have kids, they will of course call me mom. Will SD feel left out even though she has her own mom who is fully in the picture??

I really don't think Skids should call stepparents mom or dad except in very extreme cases. 

I would feel very uncomfortable if SD called me mom. I am not her mom. She calls me by first name, period. 

Even when people are like "oh she's like your daughter " or "how's motherhood?". I twitch because it's wrong and inaccurate. 

My DH's divorce decree stated that no one other than the biological mother or father were to be referred to as any form of mother or father.  I raised my SD for 13 years. Never, ever allowed her to call me mom.  Not even when the therapists told me to.  We made up a silly name that stuck for many years.

Yep, we went through this as well.  

SS-26 came home from a SpermLand visitation when he was about 7-ish upset that SpermGrandHag had been punishing him for calling me dad.  What he calls me is not anyone's choice but mine.  He had been calling me Dad(dy) since before he was 2yo (His choice).  I am his dad. The only full dad he has ever had. I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy).

He was quite upset about her manipulative crap.  So we talked about it. I told him that I was his Dad, always had been his dad, and would always be his dad.  And if calling me Dad was no longer going to work he could call me Mr. (Last Name).  He already addressed me as Sir. (Yes/No Sir, etc...). And his mom ad Ma'am (Yes/ No Ma'am, etc...)  I explained that I did not allow children to call me by my first name.

He decided that he liked calling me Dad.  So Dad I remained.

Give your Skids the message.  They can continue to call you what they had chosen to call  you or they can call  you Mrs. (Last Name).  The Ma'am part should not be difficult since they should already be doing it as they should be referring to any other adult in their lives as Ma'am/Sir. 

IMHO of course.