Blended Family bullshit
I could write a book about this.
Yesturday I had a huge fight with my husabnd about disengaging. He took off from taking his kids home to the bar with his buddies, whatever, I had my 2 kids and our child together here. But then he comes in banging and slamming to microwave at all hours. Noisy...
I found since the fight I am on pins and needles and emotionally I can't deal with much. He is playibng the victum and says all I do is negative shit, actually I thought disengaging from his brats would help the conflict because then I would not need to be around them, but I am just being accused of being a manipulative bitch that wants to destroy the family.
I guess he took disengagment as me disengaging from him. I don't know how much any of this makes anymore and now I am snapping at my own kids.
He doesn't say good morning, tells me the weather report and walks out the door only saying goodbye to our 9 month old, WTF, I get up with his kids every weekend while he sleeps in. I guess he is disengaging from us.
makes it complicated because of the infant....
Sorry to hear that
Sorry to hear that JellyBean.
So much sadness but keep your chin up and good luck to you
Sorry jellybean. What he's
Sorry jellybean. What he's doing is throwing a tantrum because he's not getting his way. He wants YOU to take on all the responsibility while he does whatever he wants.
I never announce disengagement for this reason. SO would get so pissed and make everything my fault. I went back to engaging for a bit, then slowly stopped doing things a little bit at a time. I always made sure I had a reason not to watch skids or be around to go out with them for his disney dad time.
The thing is, they do react. Sometimes they are confused, sometimes angry and lash out, sometimes its all poor me and my poor kids. No matter what, they are his responsibility, not yours. The problem is that we let them take advantage for so long, when we change things they don't like it and think its wrong. Nothing you can say will change his mind.
You have to decide if you are willing to let him throw his big baby fit until he gets over it (while you take your stand quietly with actions) or if you are going to give in and live with the frustrations of his skids while he takes advantage.
If you decide to continue, you need to keep yourself busy. Go out, take your kids out, don't be available for babysitting. Don't get back in time when he thinks he's going to leave. At first it takes a lot of planning ahead and staying on your toes, but I found it has been worth it.
Thank you for all the replys.
Thank you for all the replys. It helps alot when I am in this to know I am not the bad guy.
I know I should not have announced the disengagement. That was a mistake. But it has been silently going on for a while now.
He says I don;t give a shit about him and blah blah blah blah blah. I told him I get more affection from the mailman and he is married to his iPhone. I guess he feels like he can do no write so he stays low on the radar. The problem is he never offers the help soon enough that when he does I am so fuckin mad by that time.
Anyways, I need to get out of this mindspace. I think at this point the less said.
Were caught in the my kids vs your kids trap and I want out.
I guess you can blame me for some of it. It seems he was only waking up in the role of anything in this house when his kids were here. i started feeling resentful like everything is dumped on me when his kids are here, when my kids are here, with the new baby.
I used to think " What would be be doing if his kids were here right now?" If one of my kids asked for a snack? He would get up off his ASS and help. But NO, when my kids were here it is like a fuckin holiday for him. Well hey, he says he wants to be a family, act like it. I got tired of it. And I also got tired of suffereing from postpartum depression and being told I need to figure it out on my own because he is the victum of my outbursts.
POST PARTUM DEPRESSSION ASSHOLE. HELLO. that is not the time to ABANDON your wife to hide because your ego is so scorned because she blows up at you more because I am tired and exhausted and have ahistory of it. Nope he says he stays out of the line of fire by avoiding me. FUCK YOU, You unnsupportive DINK.
I have announced
I have announced disengagement once before also bc of similar crap. I agree 100% that im not bending over backward for ur brat that doesnt even like me (and the feeling is mutual) if you cant suck it up and try to deal with my kids...who DO like and respect him bc (unlike him with SS) I insist on it. We have a new 4 month old and I feel like things have escalated since then bc of the added stress of a new baby. Guess what tho? My kids are only little once and I dont get a do over. So I told him if he wants to act like an ignorant ass then take the brat and get on with ur life bc I dont need it. He of course changed his tune when he realized pitching his little fit wasnt going to help. Im not saying things are perfect but I have seen some improvement since then..Hang in there hun. Stick to ur guns and dont let him bully u into backing down.
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