Any advise for new Step mother role?
I am very new to this group. I found when I was searching online for advise and such.
I am new to this situation and hoping for advise from others that have been in similar situations. (Although we are not married, I will refer to him as DH, and his daughter as SD- hope that is acceptable to all).
I have two daughters that are in their early twenties, both away at college. And I have a son, 16 in high school.
I started dating a long time friend, and after a few months, we decided that we would 'blend' (He moved in with me and my son). He has a daughter (she is 7 now), that visits him every other weekend. Up until the time he moved in, we really didn't see his daughter very much, as that was always respected as 'their time'.
I only see her about once a month, as I am away visiting my other kids during one of her monthly visits.
Now, it's been a year. A very frustrating year, I might add. DH treats his daughter like a princess, acts as if she can do no wrong, and enforces very little discipline while she is here. He buys her a present EVERY single visit. Yes, every visit. He brings her to the store and lets her pick out her gift (which is usually around $50). He takes her out to the salon to get her nails and hair fixed. He loves getting all dressed up in matching outfits, and the two of them going out together to 'show her off' like they are an actual couple sometimes. But he and I rarely go out, as he always has an excuse (too tired, no money, etc). He takes her out to eat, and caters to her every whim. For example, we had to leave a restaurant the other day and find somewhere else to eat, because after she looks at the menu, she decides that they didn't have anything she wanted to eat (We were at Subway- nothing outrageously weird). Heck, at the beginning, he was allowing her to wear pull-ups because she "didn't feel like stopping all her fun stuff to go use the bathroom" (she was six years old!). His life revolves around her. It's 'all about her' all the time. I know that your kids should come first, but I've never met anyone that took it to this extreme.
I have had such a hard time dealing with the way he spoils her, and this has been the cause of many heated arguments. Most of the time, he just says that I am acting like I am jealous of her. Sometimes he caves and says he realizes that he went too far. Like with the whole letting her wear pull-ups until she was six years old- we had conversations about how unhealthy that was and he started making her use the bathroom (at least during the day). He's not opposed to hearing my points, and at times he does talk about changing some things, but it all seems like just talk.
Any advise from others that have successfully dealt with similar situation would be greatly appreciated!