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50/50 custody

Harleygurl69's picture

Is it wrong of me to have reservations about my SS(7) coming to live with us half of the time? The CO states 50/50 but that has never happened before. DH and BM are trying to work on a schedule? Is it wrong of me to worry about how this will affect my BS? He's not fond of SS(7). I want to be supportive of DH but I don't want to alienate my BS either. My kids will always be first in my life and my heart,

christinen's picture

When do you currently have the skid?

When I first got together with DH, he had SD every other day. That was just plain stupid, so they switched to every other week. Now we have SD all week long and BM takes her sometimes on weekends when she feels like it. My how things change.

What is the reason your skid may be coming to live with you?

jumanji's picture

No, it isn't. But she's certainly in the loop. And sorry, but "my son doesn't like his kid" is not a reason why Dad shouldn't be able to spend the time his court order gives him - whether he's done so up to now or not.

Disneyfan's picture

OP, how often do you have your 14 year old?

Your son doesn't get a say in this. The fact that he isn't fond of the 7 year old should not matter at all. Your husband should not decrease time with his BS because his Stepson is fond of the child.

Disneyfan's picture

It sounds like the OP is in the loop. Her only concern appears to be how her son feels about all of this.

Harleygurl's picture

My BS14 is with me all week and every third weekend. SS7 is currently with us EOWE and DH and BM are going to try every other week. I want to support DH in his time with his son and encourage it as much as possible. I think I'm mainly worn down with all the drama and super concerned about SS7's behavioral issues. This past week alone he through a temper tantrum which included hiding under furniture and throwing things at classmates and he also "bitch-slapped" a little girl on the playground during recess. He is an extremely troubled child!

We have had him to testing on several bullshit items that BM initiated(anything to not blame her poor parenting skills and accept her responsibility) and we are going on Friday for the latest results/recommendations for possible ADHD and social skills. The drama just never seems to stop. Personally I think that if BM and DH were forced into co-parenting counseling or something then a lot of SS7's problems would stop.

I'm considerably older than DH and BM but I try to keep quiet and let them feel their way through this parenting thing. They were 18 and 19 when SS7 was born and have/had no clue. DH relies on me for advice which I don't mind giving but rarely is any forethought and maturity put into raising this child. Lots of time it consists of drama and malicious behavior on the part of BM and anger on the part of my DH.

SS7 shows some respect for me but I have spent the last 6 months disengaging from him because if I help in the parenting department BM has something to say about how I'm doing it wrong and DH doesn't seem to appreciate my contributions. SS7 knows what my limits are and doesn't really push them anymore. I have a shit-ton of patience but it is about gone. Why? Not because of the SS7. But the drama from DH and BM. I really don't want my BS14 to feel the animosity/drama etc. but I fear it is going to get nothing but worse.

octaviar's picture

I live with SKids who are 50/50. They never have a chance to settle in and have lots of problems that seem to stem from living in a 50/50 week on week off. Can you imagine what it's like to change homes every week?

I think 50/50 makes parents feel good about their parenting but costs the kids.



Harleygurl's picture

I'm not sure how SS7 will react to 50/50. I've gone out of my way to make him feel that he has a place in our home. He has his own room that is decorated with things he likes and has free reign of the place except for respecting personal spaces of my son or our bedroom. By that I mean knock before entering, don't take what isn't yours, etc. The usual courtesy stuff.

He has told me that he doesn't feel like he matters at BM's because (there isn't any discipline_) and his half-sister is a holy terror who tears up his stuff. I feel so sorry for this kid BUT I don't want have to deal with the drama and any aftermath if DH and BM don't get help for him. My opinion, the biggest help they could give him would be to own up to their mistakes, speak the truth, and stop trying to be so darn mean to each other.

It will be a bumpy ride for awhile I'm sure. I'm hoping being more in our home will instill some confidence in SS7 because he won't be in a crazy chaotic circus at least half the month. My sons have enjoyed life and their home but they also were taught respect and that there's a time for play and a time for quiet.