Am I making a mountain over a molehill?
I have been with my boyf almost two years now and I am having serious doubts/concerns (and this isn't the the first time over the two years).
He has two sons. 14 & 4 by two previous partners.
My concerns are me being able to handle being around his kids more if we progress and get a house together due to my need for personal space & his BM #2s attitude/failure to get a life after 4 (almost 5yrs!)
My boyfriend seems to want custody of his oldest son. I'll be honest I'm not keen on it as I would not have dated him in the first place. Sounds bad right? Anyway things change I guess, I could possibly accept that but my fear is that if this happens the jealous BM #2 of his youngest would probably make up a fuss and force him to have the younger one full time too (or more).
I can't help but feel that I'd be trapped in my own home. His children/his family..Then me the only female and outsider. I have no kids of my own (I do want them eventually) and wish I did just so I could put another life as a priority over my partner. If that makes sense? In his life I will never be more than number 3 in importance but he'd be my number 1 (after myself of course).
BM2 is manipulative and has a record of telling her 4yo to say things (usually to his dad). She's told her son that his father doesn't love him and told her son to tell daddy he wants him to have a baby brother with his mum. Loser right?! She was never a girlfriend, just the rebound. I believe she got pregnant to avoid her getting deported from the country, her sister got deported, unfortunately she got lucky. This is a woman who goes to church but has no heart. I've been called all sorts of names and my partner thinks nothing should affect me unless it's directly to me but is that not proof enough she will poison her sons head.
At times I feel lonely in my emotions because no one understands what it's like from this side. None of my friends can relate neither can my partner. He will ask advice from his female friends who have kids and think that I'm overreacting because they must be able to relate simply because they are female. I'm tired of trying to make him understand my side. The only opinion that should matter.
Am I over thinking that this won't have a affect on me? I have concerns I would never feel truly comfortable in my own home as she is the type of person to cause trouble and send her innocent son to to the work. He may eventually grow up to believe the lies she tells even though I have nothing to do with why my partner didn't want to be with her.
Also I can't help but feel resentful that if we lived together I would never have weekends to relax or enjoy my own home and space as he has them every weekend unless he or the mothers have plans. My life would essentially be controlled by 5 ppl (partner, 2kids & 2BMs).
A lot of my concerns are "what if" but they aren't impossible.
Am I being selfish? I know relationships are about sacrificing at times but..
I read a lot of posts about ppl with regrets of not leaving, unhappiness & loneliness. That all scares me like hell. I love him but I may lose myself in the relationship.
I'm 31 and whether I stay with him or not I won't have children for a while as I want to be married first and 100% trust that his BM#2 will not have any evil towards a child I bring into the world & that child will not be lacking due to his poor past decisions.
Does anyone have any advice? It's hard to leave someone you love I'm struggling between head and heart. I don't want to have regrets of leaving or staying lol I can't win with myself