When they think "Yours" is "Ours", entitlement...
SD22, along with other issues relating to neediness and such, seems to think that anything in the house or that her mom owns, is also hers and fair game to use whenever. If mom expresses that "that is MINE, you should at least ASK before using it" SD22 acts like mom is being ridiculous and totally out of line. Because mom inherited a large amount of physical assets when her husband passed a few years ago, SD22 acts like anything that mom got that way is more community property than personal possession and scoffs at the idea of it being mom's, because "you didn't work for that" (followed by eye rolls).
I am worried this is going to get worse very soon as summer approaches. We are planning on getting a new horse trailer and a camper for the truck and to date, any time we go camping or out of town to ride horses, she assumes those plans include her. I was explaining to mom this weekend that it is going to suck and cause a problem in a couple months when we have to explain DIRECTLY, that just because WE are going to do something "fun", it doesn't automatically include HER every time. She has NO friends and will do NOTHING but sit on the couch if we are not doing something that includes her so I know she is going to pitch a massive fit. I really don't know any way around it and the fight has been put off for years but if I am moving in and we want to do things ALONE, the storm is going to have to happen.
We are going to have to explain to her in direct terms "it is not OUR JOB, to keep you company, include you, and entertain you, at 22, go find something to do!".
Does she still live at home?
Does she still live at home? If so...why? Is something wrong with her?
I'd put her ass out of that house. That'll put an end to a lot of your problems.
As far as vacations go, it's all in how you phrase it. "We're going on a trip this weekend. Will you be staying here, or should I call my sister to come feed the cat while I'm gone? Don't forget to lock up when you leave and don't have any guests over while I'm gone. Bye"
yes she still lives at home,
yes she still lives at home, mom is allowing her to live there until she finishes college as long as she is doing good and holding down a job. generally speaking she is a "good kid", she is just needy as hell!
As her mom puts it, "I have no problem supporting her and letting her live here and use my stuff while she is going to school, but why can't she just BE NICE and give us some GD space!". She is generally a loner and doesn't like or want to do ANYTHING and has NO friends, she only ever wants to do things with US like we were her BFFs and if we don't include her she either gets really sour and bitchy, or overly emotional and tries to use guilt to make us feel bad for doing things without her.
In theory, once she is out of school the expectation is that she is moving out, even she gives lip service to this, but with not a single friend and no BFs, I can only see a VERY hard transition from living with mommy to being on her own.
The girl needs some counseling but refuses to go, and frankly, at 22, I don't think it's anyone else's JOB to try to force her, much less PAY for it.