TOXIC step HELP!
60+ second marriage of 20+years...happy...happy...step son is great and respectful to all. Step daughter a drama queen..overweight, over medicated, and an opportunist. Lies are a second language for her. DH has always had my back and have and he has forgiven tons and ignored much. I have adult children that live near and his live a bit further away. We always do the holidays separately with the son as he lives a state away. SD lives in the state, but only under 50miles and we tried to include her family because we love them too. But drama always takes the day! Now her children are grown or nearly grown and the toxic stuff is just spreading to and from them. The last straw was the SD posting a status on social media that she hated all of her step family and didn't understand how her dad had put up with us for 20 + years . That was it! I have urged dh to try to keep connected to the grandkids but I just cannot have anything to do with the SD. My idea of a loving relationship with even the grands is pretty much ending. These Are kids that I either had or saw every day when they were tiny. Am I wrong for not evenwanting to forgive and forget again? 
God no she is old enough to
God no she is old enough to take the consequences of her actions, no longer a child never feel guilty I see it as once they are over 18 they should be able to conduct themselves in a respectful manner if not let them have the consequences.
Thank you for the feedback.
Thank you for the feedback. I really don't know why I am so sad about this. I know she is a sad human being and has no clue that it is all her own doing.
^^^TOTALLY AGREE!!!^^^ Don't
^^^TOTALLY AGREE!!!^^^
Don't feel guilty just...REMOVE, REMOVE, REMOVE!!!
You are right...many times I
You are right...many times I have asked myself if she adds any joy to my life and sadly, the answer is always no. I am not brave enough to ask DH if he has ever asked himself the same question.
Sometimes you have to divorce
Sometimes you have to divorce your family or parts thereof. Really - this person publically vents her hate for you and you feel as if there is some family tie that requires you to continue treating her as a valued part of your family?
It was the last straw. We
It was the last straw. We had been gone for a few days and I called the other kids after I saw it, and asked what happened while we were gone. They had not had any contact, so we more surprised than I was.
Thank you for all the
Thank you for all the feedback. It has been a month and still stings. DH is planning and dreading having a face to face with her on Thursday. I am out of it and glad to be. Hate that I won't see the grand daughters anytime soon..Christmas etc. But I have a feeling they would side with their mother...as they probably should display a little loyalty. Will they someday come around? Well that's up to them, and they are. ..16 and 18. I am so glad I found this forum. Blessings to all who suffer from the love of family!
Her posting was malicious and
Her posting was malicious and meant to hurt you. It was totally unnecessary. She's made it clear that she's a spiteful twit. I'd have nothing else to do with her either. When people intentionally try to hurt you, they show the true content of their character...or lack thereof.
:All of you are so right. It
:All of you are so right. It was just another in a long series of acting out. Her dad is talking to her even as I write this. He has been sick about the whole thing and last night he brought up the question of how to handle. He was feeling guilty that he hadn't been a better dad to her. I said, don't you dare go with that attitude. None of this is your fault. I hope he gets thru it with her and doesn't make himself ill.
Look at it this way- if
Look at it this way- if someone, anyone, was throwing darts at you, you'd avoid the darts, right? Her actions are verbal and written darts. Simplyfying it in my mind always helps me. How sad these adults don't realize what harm they do. Gotta remove the toxic people. God bless.
~Put that shit back you thief!~
That posting was meant for
That posting was meant for you to see and to be hurt by. She is an adult and is responsible for her actions and her state of weight, sadness, etc.
I would keep away from her and tell DH why. IMO, that goes waaay too far.
Update...dh had the long talk
Update...dh had the long talk with the SD42... She tried to shanghi him by having her husband cook and invite him to SGD 16 play. He had planned on a neutral territory dining talk but settled for her garage..cause they smoke incessantly there...! And a bowl of soup ...well his only comment when he got home was it
It's done. I was asleep and said ...only ..you ok. Yes ..just tired. So I didn't press the issue. It was late. Next day it was clear he didn't want to share much...so I left it alone. But over this weekend, she called about another SGD18 and 16 Christmas chorus...did he want to attend? I told him to tell her to get 2 tickets.. I would gladly go if I didn't have to interact with the SD42. I like going to the girls events...cause the school makes them remove their piercings and cover the tatoos of the sgd18. Oh yes ..they are those kids.
So that's how it stands...none of them here for Turkey Day...being all sour and talking about how broke they are and ..oh wth..does a tatoo with color cost.
But dh did say he was relieved to have talked to her and he says he has love for her...as he should...but she has been his problem child since she was 4 and nothing has ever changed her from being hateful, dishonest and plain mean. and he was relieved to not have to try to entertain and include her in our home, because its not a pleasant experience for him either. So it is another case of the DH does know and the disconnect is ok! Happy Turkey Day to everyone!
A tattoo with color is
A tattoo with color is expensive. Some artists charge by the square inch, some by the job. The better the artist, the more money. Probably around $300+. I know that because in the past year, I had a color tattoo put around my right ankle to remind me of where I will stand in my family from now on. It is a tattoo of a Queen Bumble Bee with a few small flowers and vines around her. It is approx. 5 X 3". She isn't a cutsey cartoon bee, she is a serious bee and looks a bit like the bee on the Patron tequila bottle, only a bit larger. She has a lovely gold crown above her head, because she is the Queen. It turned out nicely. So guess what SD41? I am the Queen Bee in this family or I can be the Queen of the B's if I have too-your choice, but I am the Queen.
And I chose the bumble as the type of bee, because aerodynamically speaking, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that and so she flys anyway!
If you are into tattoos, I vote that the Queen Bumble Bee should be the official tattoo of Stepmoms everywhere. Stepdads could be the Honey Badger (check out honey badgers on YouTube-with Randall narrating, it will make you laugh, but has bad language)! "Honey Badger don't care, Honey Badger don't give a sh-t"!
I am in your age bracket.
I am in your age bracket. You were probably raised like me to be nice to everyone, etc. etc.
But guess what - we don't have to include jerks in our lives. Just remove her and others like her.
You husband gets to make his own decisions about seeing her etc but just ask him to do it outside your presence and to not even mention her unless there is a really, really good reason.
I would not confront her or give her a reason why. Just pretend like she no longer exists. Don't waste time thinking about her, etc.
You don't have to love her just because he does.
I think it's the
I think it's the holiday...there will be 3 grand kids missing ...although they are old enough t o make their own decisions. I would not invite them to undercut her. They are loyal to the sd and I can only imagine the things she has said to them about me over the years. So we will have turkey and family here. DH is happy to see the other 11 grands that will be here ... Then off to visit my Mother and SS39 and his family. We always have fun with all of them.
Can well relate to the deep
Can well relate to the deep hurt that these stepkids cause. I never expected to have any problems with grown kids that have all been out on their own, long before I even came into the picture. What a dose of reality I am getting now.
SURVIVED! So Thankful for a
SURVIVED! So Thankful for a quiet holiday! Had a good time here and at my Mom's. DH got a note that detailed all the SD family plans...all good..... but I did see that youngest sgd was sad for no Thanksgiving. Sd didn't cook a thing...at all.... Not exactly the plans that were noted. Letting it go is so gratifying
!