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too much closeness

SugarSpice's picture

we often see adults too close to children in this forum and i want to show a tale from my family.

my brother is over 60 and his son is 30. brother never married bm due to her being a drug addict. bm never cared for her son and disappeared after the boy was out of nappies. brother raised the son all by himself.

the son has not worked since he was 24. he was in college for a few years but dropped out stating he did not like his teachers classes or getting up to go to class.

the son stays at home all day and has no intention of going back to college or getting a job. he smokes a lot and eats junk food and says he will look for a job when he is "healthy." son is a tall boy and over 300 pounds.

son had a music studio in the garage with drums, keyboard and guitar that his father has bought him. he says he wants to be a musician. he plays video games until the early morning hours and gets out of bed after noon. he goes straight to his socialmedia and games and putters around in the garage.

the son wears his hair long and died purple. he sits and eats all day has health issues (weight and smoking) but refuses to see a doctor. doctors make recommendations but the young man stops taking the advice and goes back to the poor eating and smoking.

my brother sends his son around the country to "music" events. he pays for air fare hotel and give money for music purchases.

he is enabling this young man to the point of crippling him. brother has not dated since son was born, as son is his best friend. even when my brother goes to visit his adult male friends his son tags along.

they go to restaurants and sit side by side like a married couple and eat off each others plates and sample each others food. its actually quite sick to watch. relatives have notice this too.

once again it is stomach turning to watch this happen in my own family.

its good to have a good relationship with your children but this is too close for comfort.

notsobad's picture

What will happen to the man baby when his father passes away?
Has your brother thought of that? He can set up a will or some type of payments but I'm betting that his son wouldn't even know how to pay the rent or a phone bill.

It's so sad to see these parents who ruin their children simply so that they themselves won't be alone.

SugarSpice's picture

son and father are defensive about their relationship and dont see a problem when i try to bring it up they are shooting the messenger.

SMto2's picture

This sounds a lot like my cousin. Her mother (my aunt) was a single parent to all 4 of her children (by 3 different men)and was extremely smothering. Her oldest daughter, who's now in her early 60's, was strongly discouraged from doing anything independent. She hasn't had a boyfriend in 40 years and was never "allowed" to move out to her own place. She lived with my aunt all her life and never cooked a meal. My aunt (her mother) passed away about 5 years ago. When her mother first passed, my cousin tried to move in with my other aunt, who refused. My cousin is afraid to take a shower alone in her home and needs someone to sit on the phone while she does so. She eats out every meal. She is a 60-some year-old "old maid" who is totally helpless, all because that's how her mother, who's now gone, made her. It's quite sad.