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Strange reaction?

Newimprvmodel's picture

so my DH was told that he is going to be a grandfather in the spring. Daughter in her 30’s, has a bf and is not getting married.  She is very dependent and it appears she got pregnant after her sister moved away.

me?  I would be happy if I was going to be a grandparent , concerned of course, but happy. My DH appears down and withdrawn about it.  His son, her brother was also upset??  

Am I missing something here?  He won’t talk about it either. 

We live on opposite ends of the country, but DH travels all the time with his business. 

And I will of course keep my distance. When baby is born I won’t fly there.  

SteppedOut's picture

Maybe your husband and her brother are upset that she isn't married?

Maybe your husband is upset because he doesn't live closer to his soon to be first grandchild?

notarelative's picture

Sometimes the concerns overwhelm. While we often think every pregnancy should be celebrated, sometimes it's hard to celebrate. When SD was pregnant with #2, happiness at being a grandparent was not in DH's radar. She had lost custody of #1 at one month, and circumstances hadn't changed, so our anticipation was thinking about how long it would take to lose custody of #2. Answer two months. 

If DH has seen her when he travels, he may know more about the situation than he has told you. Or he could just be a guy who isn't excited about babies. Either way let him deal with his feelings his way.


SteppedOut's picture

Wow... she lost custody of TWO kids... separately?

Must be a real winner. Hope they got adopted out to families that love them. 

notarelative's picture

Yes, separately. Ten years apart.

Yes, they were adopted. Tiny babies are easily placed in foster-to-adopt homes. They were both immediately placed with the foster families that adopted them. 

DH says that it's like she joined a cult when she met this guy. It's his past, and the involvement of his family and their past, and her refusal to leave him (choosing him over the child twice), that led to the removal. With anyone else she'd still have custody. The best thing I can say about her 'husband' is that I don't think he has ever murdered anyone


susanm's picture

If she is very dependent and not married he is very likely assuming that at some point she will be coming to him for money and a place to live with a small child in tow.  Many people are stuck helping to raise their grandchildren in their home when an adult child  boomerangs back but I don't know of anyone who actively hoped for it.  That would be an extremely reasonable fear and I am surprised that you are not worried about it as well.  Not every pregnancy is a cause for celebration.  

Newimprvmodel's picture

She is very enmeshed with her mother, who lives in the same town as she. We live thousands of miles away. I think likely my husband is not looking forward to having to be around his ex, who was absolutely horrific to him. He has not had any contact with her in about 5 years?  

I think once you have a grandchild your contact with an ex will certainly increase. The birth, christening, birthdays. 

No longer can things be done separately. I’m sure that is on his mind. 

susanm's picture

Things can be done separately.  BM moved across the country and SS followed her.  He now has a child.  We were out for the birth and never saw BM.  DH has gone out by himself a few more times and not seen BM.  She is so childish that she can not be in the same room with him and simply co-exist.  So it can definitely be done.