Shrinking—Harrison ford character
Shrinking is a great show! I identify with the nosy neighbor who collects rocks, in my case it is beach glass. LOL. Anyway, DH identifies with the Harrison Ford character who appears to have a complicated relationship with his daughter which seems to have stemmed from his long ago divorce. I felt it rang untrue in parts but I wont mention at the risk of a spoiler. So DH reached out and called daughter with the young grandchild that like the ford character he has never seen. Her birthday is next month and I heard DH asking what kinds of toys she plays with and that he missed getting her a gift last year so he wants to improve. I felt a twinge of guilt because I pulled back from gifts bought for his daughters because nothing was coming back, I finally realized no matter what I did for them, the outcome was the same--disconnected.
And now I am thinking, geez, how could she not invite him to the child's birthday? I know she has a big party with the ex and other family members year after year. Yes we live a distance but it is only a plane ride away.
SPOILER ALERT-- I do not think that a daughter who is disconnected from her father wants him to move into her pool house with his diagnosis of Parkinson's. That just would NOT happen. And yet the daughter in the show got into a huge fit because he turned her down.
FWIW, truth is stranger (and more heartbreaking) than fiction
I have not watched the show but I can understand and sympathize with your situation, as mine is similar.
My SO has had little contact with the gskids ... not because he has no interest but because SD has chosen to minimize his importance in her, and her children's, lives. BM is paramount ... always was, always will be. She and SD are totally enmeshed.
I think my SO is (once again) heartbroken because he is on the periphery. He was treated this way when SD was younger, and it is following through to the newest generation. Sadly, these gskids will not know their maternal grandfather because he has zero standing in the family.
While I detached myself from SD some time ago, and like you, don't do anything for her it still stings to see my SO being left out.
My youngest has a birthday
My youngest has a birthday coming up and my in laws have not reached out about it at all. I'm not going out of my way to invite or involve them.
Relationships are a two way street. My in laws for the longest time didn't make time for my DH and I or our kids. They would drop everything for SD though. DH became a black sheep in his Catholic family after divorcing BM. I guess they expected to just deal with the cheating and keep quiet like his parents.
After a few times of blowing us off we stopped involving them. Now they complain that they aren't involved.
I'm sure both sides think the other started it and is holding an unreasonable grudge. I'm not sure how it could be fixed.
I guess the first step is that one side actually lets go of pride and wants it to be fixed.
If your DH wants to be involved he has to keep trying and make more effort. Otherwise it will stay in the limbo of being held at arms length. Even if he makes more effort there is no guarantee your SD will let him back in, and if she does it may cost him.
I must be cold hearted because I've just cut my losses.
OMG if you only knew
The cruel things she did to her father over the years. In cahoots with her evil mother. I kid you not. Quite honestly many parents would have walked away and never looked back.
So good!
We love that show! It's funny you mentioned Harrison Ford's character- I could relate to that also because my dad was not very present when I was young (nor was my mom), and not much now even. I thought it was strange that his daughter got mad when he wouldn't come and live in the pool house...I mean come on. It also made me wonder if it will ever get to that point with DH and SD13, with all of the alienation coming from her mom.
What See you Never said....
Someone does have to swallow their pride and get on with whatever it was that was lost. Otherwise it's just a holding pattern as the years go by. My DH is the one who is suffereing. It's too bad the SD doesn't see what a loss it is to her Dear Daddy and her ten year old son. It is groundhogs day. SD treats her Daddy like the ex did. You learn from the best I guess.
Exactly.
No surprise but my DH's ex moved thousands miles to live a few blocks away from SD and grandchild. I'm sure ex's husband is grandpa. From day one DH was only good for his money. We even offered to fly SD and her family to us several yrs ago but we were told it didn't work for them.
So we are enjoying being empty nesters. And focusing on those who reciprocate.