SD's medical advice
Our struggles dealing with BM many years ago were about BM wanting/needing control and her seething frustration/anger that we refused to live under her desired dictatorship. When SD was as young as 12, BM was clearly channeling her own bs through her. It's like SD was a vessel.
Through the years, I've witnessed from a distance that enmeshment. SD has always been a weak person with identity issues, but she comes off as aggressive. Not surprisingly, BM and SD blended into being the same person. Both have gone over way over the edge with regard to fanaticism. They hold bizarre beliefs and they are major trend-followers.
Over the past few years, they have flung themselves over the cliff of the back-to-basics au naturel movement about everything. To the extreme, of course. Both were ridiculously heavy makeup users (like 2 hour prep to leave the house...I witnessed that back in the day) and suddenly went (shockingly) zero makeup. Then they both went 100% fanatically anti-vax. Then bigtime anti-traditional medicine altogether. The works. I should add here that I have always blended traditional medicine with treatments like acupuncture, exercise, food, meditation, supplements, etc. . . whatever works for me. And I never feel the need to push what I do on others.
SO, since DH's health crisis late in 2023, SD has been pushing medical advice on him. I initially thought little of it. Then I thought maybe she just saw that as a way to connect more with her father. But I'm starting to see this about more than that, and it seems more than sheer stupidity--it feels like it is about the familiar control issue. The real problem, though, is that her medical advice, like just about everything else in her life, is insane. As is DH's response.
Example: DH just started drinking pink himalyan salt water twice a day. lol. I know my husband. He didn't look up this kind of thing on his own. I'm not even asking WHERE this came from, because I know. He is someone with active heart issues (yea, genius SD, let's pour salt all over that). I'm talking to him today about his need to speak with his doctor about this and any other natural remedies he is hearing about and his need to consider his heart and blood pressure issues. The deeper issue, which I am not going to address, is that I honestly feel he's doing this because he wants to please his daughter on some weird level, if that makes sense. I think he wants to show her that he values her (opinions) and he desperately wants to believe she isn't a fullblown idiot.
People with heart issues
Should have no salt, In creases water in the system. pink himalyan salt is supposed to be better, but no to drink it
You're right
You're right that he's doing this to gain favor with SD. Too bad he's adopting habits that would affect him adversely. That desire to gain favor with the adult child is strong, especially with guilty divorced dads.
I can't believe he got sucked
I can't believe he got sucked in this way. I've had a feeling she's been "working on him" for months (in some way); their phone calls rarely occur when I'm home (to hear this end of them). When I told him he needs to talk with his doctor about what he's doing, his response sounded like a bizarre repetition of someone else's words. You know, the talk about big pharma, doctors treating patients like we're on an assembly line, and so on. YES. . .much of that is true but, again, SD takes one grain of truth and stretches it to the extreme and oddly, of all things, roped him in with this stuff!
Sounds like she's trying to
Sounds like she's trying to kill him. Seriously. Salt water with a heart problem? Idk what specific heart issues he has but for certain ones, it could be deadly.
SD isn't too bright, although
SD isn't too bright, although she thinks she is. I think she's trying to kill her own children, too. She refuses to vaccinate them for anything. When DH confronted her about that, expressing his concerns, she told him he watches too much TV.
About the pink salt
Ask him straight up why she'd want him dead. Alternatively, you could remark that she must have bought shares in the himalayan mines. It's one or the other. If he rebels, drag him to his doc so he can explain what he's doing.
Her name hasn't come up. Yet.
Her name hasn't come up. Yet. But you know we know. His sudden bizarr-o decision to order a big container of the salt and then tell me about this concoction he whips together has SD written all over it. There is no doubt in my mind. DH does not do things like this. Ever. Doesn't research alternative therapies (of the two of us, that would be me before him). Doesn't talk about alternative therapies. Has not mentioned to me that he wonders if he shouldn't be treating x, y and z a different way. He hasn't mentioned that any of his meds are not working or that he's dissatisfied in any way with his doctors' protocol. This makes zero sense. She is simply meddling and he is falling for it.
!
Please have your husband seek the advice of his Cardiologist! Himalayan Pink Salt is basically table salt, which contributes to hypertension, which contributes to heart disease, CVA, and kidney issues. Not good!
Does the desire to please ever diminish? I just wonder 'why"? After all the stress incurred to your husband and your marriage...how can they not see?! It boggles my mind.
He has a cardio appt in early
He has a cardio appt in early June. I intend to make sure he mentions this to the doctor. If he lives that long. SMH.
I can only assume that SD's medical advice makes him feel like she really does love him. Of course, she's also the one dangling the carrots (grands) in front of him, too. . . so there's that. It IS mind-boggling.
I will come on here with a
I will come on here with a little cautionary tale. Fell free to share this with him.. I think it's a really important lesson.
My EX MIL (former husband's mother) was a grade A hypochondriac. Nice enough.. but was always at this doctor.. that doctor.. including any "tabloid" worthy neo medicine she could follow. I used to joke that if you gave her the symptoms of prostate cancer.. she would swear she had it.
Well, at the time, Fibromyalgia was the "big" malady that many people claimed to have.. they were tired... they had body aches. (news flash.. as an older woman now myself.. who is trying to stay active by walking 5-6 miles a day.. I hurt too.. hahaha.. no excuse to stop living though). But, in her quest for the perfect medical solution, she was seeing multiple doctors and natural medicine hockers... but not telling any of them that she was seeing anyone else.. or what other medications or supplements she was taking.
So these gurus were feeding her many different concoctions.. and of course she most believed the hype men.. and what they were giving her were supplements filled with "energy" ingredients... and her regular doctors were giving her high test tylenol for her aches...
So, she was in her mid 50's when this happened... she called to talk to my EXH.. but he didn't take the call.. was not in the mood to hear her litany of pains and complaints. Not two hours later, we get a call from her BF.. from the hospital. My EX was on the commode.. but was told he HAD to take this call.. she had had a massive heart attack.. and died.
So, what we all figured out is that all the meds she had been on had masked signs of impending heart attack. The stimulants gave her energy that her failing heart was lagging.. the pain meds masked the shooting pains in her arms.. a cardiac symptom... NOT normal aches and pains. she went in with her own diagnosis.. and her doctors just treated her for what she said she had.. NOT actually trying to figure out what was really the issue underneath..
And.. the multiple doctors stepping on top of each other.. her taking prescription meds.. AND all thes OTC type supplements that ended up having her overly way hyped up on stimulants (and she was also one of those all day coffee drinkers).. she likely killed herself with all the medications that she was taking.. that doctors had no idea was happening since she wasn't making anyone aware.. and she was just a "annoyinng old woman".. so they just gave her what she asked for and let her leave without truly trying to figure out the root cause.
I saw this myself when I got bit by a tick.. went to a DR who was pretty dismissive of my complaints of severe headache and high fevers at night (happened to be normal at the DR office).. I was damn near delirious.. but they thought I was seeking pain meds I guess... and did nothing.. I ended up in the ER the next day.. and was admitted for almost a week so they could give me high doses of IV antibiotics and fever reducers because my brain was swelling and my liver and kidneys were shutting down! There are some Dr's that just shouldn't be practicing.. they don't care enough to scratch beneath their preconcieved notions.
But.. the cautionary tale is that your doctors absolutely need to know EVERYTHING you are doing so that they can factor that i nto their diagnosis and treatment... maybe not "normal diet".. but if you are drinking a cup of vinegar daily.. drinking saltwater.. they probably need to be aware.
He should have his sodium levels tested to make sure that he isn't getting into a toxic state.
Thank you for sharing this
Thank you for sharing this info. I think too many people do what your ex-MIL did. Interesting, as I have a major hypochondriac in my family who does the same thing. She won't listen to reason, demands various drugs from doctors, and then adds supplements and herbs and all kinds of other things to the mix (including whiskey). We expect she will be found dead in her home one day.
Your experience with the tick bite is horrific!
I controlled a chronic condition I have by taking the meds my doctor prescribed (imagine) along with exercising, eating right, and controlling my weight (was actually able to reduce the meds I was taking). If I want to add a supplement--or if I go ahead and add something--I let my doctor know. It's all about common sense and balance in my view.
DH could choose to go the more difficult way--exercising more, drinking less beer, stepping back a bit from the fried foods--but I guess drinking some concoction seems easier. I'm pretty sure his dr does check his sodium levels. I'll ask when his next labwork is scheduled. I'm not going to let this one go.
It's very risky... people
It's very risky... people often think they know what is wrong with them.. so they lead doctors down a path... where the wrong thing is treated.. she was having shooting pains down her left arm.. so she took more stimulant laced herbal mixtures.. even many of the prescriptions she was taking had heart issues as side effects... but THAT was not in her mind as a possible issue. Interestingly, her son..my EX also had severe heart issues in his mid-50's too. at least he may have learned from her mistakes.
I hate to inject this, but it
I hate to inject this, but it sounds like my SD. She is always into the latest health issue. And always changing docs, calling them quacks when they don't do what she wants and then moves on.
My H is also like this to a point, but I watch. We went through about 6 months where he had a various doc apt. ever week and sometimes two. His heart, his lungs, his back, his knees and on and on. He talked himself out of the hip surgery he needed badly back when he was in his late 70's and now continually grunts and groans when he moves while always looking for a cure he is never going to find.
About 2 years ago the SD got him in with her pain doctor. THAT was interesting. First time this guy sells H some "special cream" for his ackes and pains that can ONLY be made by this particular pharmacy. Interestingly, insurance would not cover it! H got it $150.00 for a small jar, and used it once or twice with no results. So, 6 months later he goes back and the nurse, who is now state approved marijuana seller" is pushing medical mariguana on him. H has lung problems and smoking ANYTHING is bad for him. That was the end of that.
Fter that, just a few months back, he got a referral to this pain clinic that specializes in pain. Sounded good at his first visit. The catch was that it was set up as though you were having outpatient surgery just to get a shot, meaning you had to pay the current Medicare deductible of over $425 just to have them give you a shot in his butt. When they insisted that he had to pay the deductible before he could go in for the shot (this at the time of the apt.) I stepped in because THAT seemed very strange. We decided not to go through with the apt., which they didn't like, but could not explain o would not explalin why a simple shot would cost so much. Very firm, no bucks, no shot.
FWIW, this pain management center had their office set up interesting. One side was where you went for your first evaluation. I remember watching everyone in the room filling out pages and pages of questions. No one was just sitting their waiting for a second or third apt. The other side had a sign outside the door saying it was something like off-site surgical facility or something like that. The set up was how they could play the game. One more thing, if I may, when H had his apt. set up for about 3 weeks out, he was constantly getting calls saying they had a "cancellation" if he could come in that morning, or afternoon. Point being, ya gotta watch out for yourself and yours, especially as you age.
Medicare/Medicaid fraud is rampant.
My incredible bride used to be a State Medicaid auditor. She was seconded to the OIG on a joint investigation and helped put a group of people in prison for $Millions in Medicaid fraud. The medical group had a number of clinics on the S border of the US. They had shuttles that would run across the boarder, pick up people off of the streets, a ton of street urchin kids included, run them N across the border and through their clinics, nailing Medicaid in those States for $Millions. DW found and started picking at the thread during an annual desk audit of the medical group that ended up bringing it all down. They also owned hunting guide business and junting ranches along the border and were pushing those expenses onto their medical group books as Medicaid reimbursable costs. She asked me about a name that peaked her interest because of discussions we had about me and my HS BFF shooting on the competitive rifle team in HS. The name that piqued her interest was for a high end German precision competitive marksmanship and hunting firearm manufacturer that made the rifles we shot in HS. Her highlighting that thread and calling it out in her audit was what got the OIG involved and ultimately what unraveled the whole house of cards fraud ring . Ultimately closing a number of border clinics, the States' taking and selling the clinic properties and all partnership assets as well as several of the hunting ranches and sending several of the perpetrators to prison on State and Federal convictions.
Good cautionary story ESMOD.
Good cautionary story ESMOD. I expect something like this to happen to SD. You name it, she's got it. The more exotic it sounds the better.
Her older sister is a RN and tells us that most of the "diseases" and "conditions" SD claims she has, the RN has never heard of in over 30+ years in the medical field.
Good cautionary story ESMOD.
Good cautionary story ESMOD. I expect something like this to happen to SD. You name it, she's got it. The more exotic it sounds the better.
Her older sister is a RN and tells us that most of the "diseases" and "conditions" SD claims she has, the RN has never heard of in over 30+ years in the medical field.
Yes, yes, yes.
your doctors absolutely need to know EVERYTHING you are doing
For as long as I can remember I have kept a spreadsheet of all of the meds I am on including vitamins and mineral supplements.
I am on a high protein low carb nutrition plan so I take a number of Rx'd supplements that I work with my Doc team on.
Your former MIL is not unique in her self induced demise due to hypochondria and over Doctoring and medicating without coordination.
Sodium chloride is sodium chloride.
Pink Himalayan salt is primarily just sodium chloride like any other sodium chloride though some other trace minerals.
The only real difference is flavor and that apparently is only discernible by gastronomes.
Is Himalayan pink salt better for you than table salt?
The levels of sodium in table salt and Himalayan pink salt are roughly the same. Research has not shown that Himalayan salt has any unique health benefits compared to other dietary salt. Its uniqueness comes from its color and flavor. 7 Jan 2024
But . . . but . . . but Rags,
But . . . but . . . but Rags, "Salt is seen as a symbol of various things, including purification, permanence, and value, and is believed to have protective qualities against evil in some Christian traditions. Himalayan salt, known for its purity and mineral content, can also be used in practices like salt baths, which are sometimes associated with spiritual cleansing or healing." And there you have it. I found that through a simple Google search. Maybe SD believes that DH needs protection against me. *ROFL*
I remembered that SS and SD went to the grocery store (with DH's credit card) when they were here a couple years ago and brought home Himalayan salt. (I use sea salt--love the flavor, so I didn't think anything of it)
In the grinder it goes!!!!
As for symbols, there is one that you should introduce both SD and her BM to.
It includes a prominant positioning of the middle finger. It is a powerful symbol to clense idiots from one's presence. For particularly strong manifestations of toxic idiocy, it can be doubly effective when presented with two hands simultaniously. To make it Crhstian in nature, turn the hands with the middle fingers down and tell them it represents the Cross that Christ sacrificed himself on for the benefit of all of us. Or, just place one index finger across the other and hold that up to them to show them the cross. It purges evil succubus parasitic demons.
I truly cannot wait for these types to show up at the Pearly Gates only to have Sx Peter put them on the elevator down for wrapping themselves in the robes of good to try to hide their demon succubus/incubus reality.
I know. Bad Rags. No offense intended. Though I know I owe an appology in my prayers.
I love this.
I love this.
Regarding Sea Salt.
We toured the Kona Sea Salt Farm on our 30tth anniversary trip to the big Island of Hawaii last summer. They pull water from very deep in the ocean then dry it, flavor it with all kinds of tasty stuff. It is heavily mineralized due to the deep ocean source for the water they use.
Kona Sea Salt | Mineral Rich Hawaiian Sea Salt
https://konaseasalt.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoqq_T5g75EFosXTWG1SBwhoK8y0INAFzJh...
We have a cabinet withseveral of their flavors. Kind of a native Hawaiian take on Himmilayan sea salt only fresh rather than millions of years old salt deposits.
Also regarding salt. We toured the oldest continually in production salt mine in the world on our 2019 friends trip to Austria.
It is the Hallstatt Salt Mine and has been in continual production for over 7000 years. Basically the Euro version of Himalayan Sea Salt.
A beautiful Austrian Alps lake side village and the mine. I highly recommend it.
Mia - it has protective
Mia - it has protective qualities against evil. Time to "accidentally" sprinkle some on the SD and see if she disappears. Hey, anything is worth a try. If that does nothing, try for the garlic and holy water.
Lol.
I hope it works!
*UPDATE* No more salty drinks
Based on an earlier non-answer, I asked DH again where he obtained the info about his supposedly healthy salt drink. He sort of stammered. I asked if he found it on Instagram. He responded that he "read about it." His continuing non-answers confirmed what I already knew.
I asked if he realized the harmful effects of drinking a concoction with salt in it, then I listed the possible effects. He then said, yea, well, he only tried it twice and hasn't done it again and does not intend to continue with this. I said Good--I'm putting the Himalayan salt in the salt grinder.
We got through this without once mentioning SD's name or involvement. I'm just letting him sit with this one by himself.
Sadly, he'll probably pretend to her that he's drinking this crap and tell her he's feeling good. Because "that's how they roll." All lies. All fake. All on the surface. But that's all they have. . . or what they have . . . or something.
This is the first time in many years I have felt tempted to text the dumb-a and tell her to back OFF. But I'm not doing that. This time.
I'm glad to hear your DH does
I'm glad to hear your DH does not intend to continue. I find that my DH will play along for awhile but more often than not he comes to his senses.
I understand the temptation of telling SD where to go and how to get there but then you're involved and who needs it?
Given space to work it out on their own, these men are usually not as clueless as they pretend to be.
I have rarely gotten involved and when I do it's to send a very clear, intentional message that my boundaries will not be crossed. The SD's expect to be #1 and are easily put off by things like being told "no." Boundaries are to the SDiabla's as sunlight is to vampires. It repels them.
Boundaries are to the SDiabla
Perfect!
My favorites are the "take this, it cures Diabetes" morons.
No cognition that Diabetes is a multifaceted disease that is often genetic in source. There is no curing it other than to not breed and pass it on to any spawn. At least the T1D version. T2D is often fully reversible though not curable. If the T2D diabetic goes back to their lifestyle prior to losing weight and being exceptionally diligent in maintaining compliance to the dietary stipulations, etc, it comes back. Often with a vengeance.
T1Ds who go off of insulin are dead and just don't know it yet. If they do not get back on it in short order. Prior to the discovery of insulin, a T1D Dx was a death sentence within a few days to a few weeks. It is a painful torturous miserable way to go.
But hey, Google wizard med practitioners and holistic wizard healer types know best.
Enough to make you crazy!
Enough to make you crazy! The person who is unfortunately in my family who gives the most unwarranted quack medical advice to everyone is also the biggest hypochondriac, NEVER feels good, and has basically destroyed her life. Her problem? She began aging and needed something (other than aging) to blame it on. Seriously.
She sees a "naturopath" who had his license pulled a long time ago. Cash only. She has every contraption in the world to make herself feel better--an infrared light therapy tent, an inversion table, an apparently insane number of oils, tinctures, and salves, and so on. She also does "muscle testing," Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), acupuncture (on herself--no, she is not trained/licensed!), and more. I couldn't keep up. She tests her oxygen levels, heart rate, and blood pressure a few times a day. And, yes, she drives doctors crazy and hates them all, referring to them as "stupid" and "dumb."
I told her a long time ago that if she was active, felt good, didn't complain about her health all the time, etc. I'd WANT to follow her regimen. (I don't have contact with her anymore--she became crazed over a conversation about foraging of all things--she told me she was knowledgeable enough on the topic from the internet to have a Ph.D. in it. Yes, that is hilarious and still makes me giggle)
MEANWHILE, Crazy Lady is addicted to Burger King, whiskey, and regularly ingests Alka Selzer Gold (which she says has nearly magical qualities), takes muscle relaxers, and--here it comes--oxycodone (doctor hops and wears them down). She was taking ivermectin during COVID.
This is the person who has advised numerous famly members with different issues (such as Type 2 Diabetes) to "follow her natural regimen," providing very dangerous medical advice.
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! I love that content creator lady.
It doesn't make sense. But, my granddad was one who thought going to the Chiropractor was going to the doctor. He swore the Chiro was effectively treating his hypertension.
He was also a huge proponent of the Mayo Clinic and would go annually for a complete work up.
I always found the juxtaposition of the Chiropractor and arguably the greatest diagnostic medical practice on the planet a bit confusing.
Ultimately he passed from a massive ruptured brain aneurism in his sleep at 85. He did exactly what he wanted to do up until he went to bed for the final time. He changed the transmission in my GM's car the day before. By himself.
He and my GM watched their "shows" the night before. They got up in the AM to have breakfast together. He was not feeling well and went back to bed after breakfast. That was it. The aneurism ruptured in his sleep.
I miss him. He was a piece of work for sure.
Rags - H's Grandmother was
Rags - H's Grandmother was Christian Science and she took very little for her health. But she did have this extra special "cough" medicine made up by the local pharmacist. According to H, seems she alway had a cough. My bet is that there was more than a little alcohol and perhaps some coca-cola in it, if you know what I mean, 'cause it kept her going well into her 90's.
Morning Mia [ When you talk
Morning Mia [ When you talk about all the things your SD is taking and her opinion on Docs when they won't go her way sounds just like my SD. CRAZY!! Scarey that there are more than one out there.
The SD says that, if drugs don't solve her problem the answer is MORE drugs. Yep, She has also found every quack and healer in the area. These are the kinds of "Docs" licensed or not that join a practice but for some reason just don't seem to stay for more than a year or so. She also takes other people prescriptions when the doc won't prescribe them for her.
Her other montra about doctors is that you don't go to see them to find out what your problem is and what you need; you go and TELL THEM what you believe or think is wrong with you and WHAT drugs YOU want.
These people and their fee fees are a menace to themselves
These people and their fee fees are a menace to themselves and others.
Yes, I absolutely consider that my doctors work for me. However, I am not a doctor. They are. What I am is an expert on MY disease. They are experts on the disease. We are a team in managing my health and the treatment of my disease.
More meds is not my model. Effective is my model. More meds, less meds, updated technologies, classic best practices, etc. Whatever it takes to be healthy, knowledgeable, and to be able to do the things I enjoy with the people I love for as long as possible.
I have fired doctors for not engaging in a partnership. I have also worked well for many years with doctors who have benefited from my comprehensive data and experience in studying now my body and my disease react to meds, food, etc.....
Medicine, IMHO, is an
Medicine, IMHO, is an educated guess where the Doc. take your syptoms and has the education to put it all together to make a diagnosis. That is why they go to school all those years.
Me? I can only give them my symptons and let them take it from there. The key thing here is that they have to be QUALIFIED. Sadly many made it through school but just. That is where your common sense has to come in as in the case with the pain clinic and my H. My feeling was in that case that Medicare wasn't going to cover the treatment so it was going to cost $425 a shot. Teywanted it upfront so there would be no recourse.
Agreed. Though the good ones know that the patient is their
their best source of information on symptoms, etc.... Sadly many do not engage with their patients beyond a perfunctory level. Those, I fire.
Absolutely. Once I hit 50,
Absolutely. Once I hit 50, any pain issue I've had was suddenly "arthritis" and I was told to take Advil. No, ahole, one was a painful meniscus tear you ignored because, I suspected, the insurance company either left you alone or gave you kick-backs for NOT ordering MRIs and other tests--or you're just lazy! #Fired
I do like that conscientious doctors ask (and pay attention to) what supplements and other remedies you're trying on your own. I've had good doctors give me medicine, remind me to keep exercising, tell me that tomatoes are great for the heart and that glucosamine/chondroiton (sp) are good for the joints. It's about BALANCE.
Lol. I had an appointment with a likely good one this AM.
This kid was not even in high school yet by appearance.
This was a pre procedure consultation for my five year bore scope appointment (Colonoscopy). We were together a solid 30mins discussing my 3 previous colonoscopies, a Dx of proctalgia fugax I received in my early 20s, the treatment for that, the impact of semaglutides on digestive health, the frustration that he gets from patients who want a definitive test for PF. None exists. It is a condition that is determined by patient interviews and MD experience. How a toddler with an MD gained that experience is a big question I have. Kidding of course.
This young Doc impressed me.
I hope they are one that I can add to my medical team along with my rockstar T-1 diabetic Endocrinologist. She is the first of a dozen+ Endos I have worked with over my nearly 45 years as a T-1 who has the disease as well as is a specialist in the management of the disease. She is my Doc crush! I have had one other Endo that is on par with the talent that she is. Though he is not a T-1 himself.
Is SD or BM living a fasting
Is SD or BM living a fasting lifestyle? If so then salt intake will come up as it's an electrolyte and has a part to play during fasting. This might be where they got the idea from. I also have heart issues in my family and salt intake is a personal medical issue not to be messed with.
Great question! To my
Great question! To my knowledge, BM used to fast "for religious reasons." She has always been, in my view, borderline anorexic (if not full-blown) and has been on the skids' asses 24/7 about how and what they eat. I figured several years ago that this would create eating disorders, esp after finding a massive amount of candy wrappers hidden under the bed SD was sleeping in. So--they get older and their (the skids') weight fluctuates wildly--this goes on to this day. SD in particular loses weight VERY rapidly. You are onto something.