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SD pregnant to a 17 year old..

Emchris's picture

Hi all,

I think at this point I'm just looking to vent and understand what anyone else would do in my situation because I am at a total loss. I have been raising my step kids pretty much their entire lives. Their BM died, drugs, and their dad all through their childhood was a completely absent terrible father. The kids hated it, I hated it, but now that they're adults he's dad of the year somehow and I'm just someone they can shit on. Truly no idea what went wrong, but that's not all.

My step daughter, who is 21 and has already been evicted from 1 apartment and is now on her 2nd, just announced to everyone with cute gifts and video surprises she's pregnant!... With her 17 year old boyfriend who is still in high school. Of course I had no idea about this because she is apparently mad at me, for the 9000th time, and I have no idea why. She made it a point to keep me as a friend on her Facebook page listed as her mom and posted all the surprise videos to hers and her little boyfriends "family", with me discluded of course. 

 

Her dad came home happy as could be showing me his new " world's best grandpa shirt" and all I could say is are you fucking kidding me? I said wow and just walked away and went to bed. I have been through this with her so many times and at this point, to be frank, I don't want shit to do with her, her kid, her high school boyfriend, none of it. I'm fairly certain she'll end up moving back in once her boyfriend dumps her and she doesn't feel like working and quits her job like she's done several times before. I refuse to raise a baby at this point in my life and I think if she comes back it's just the end of the marriage for me as well. 

notarelative's picture

She's 21 (adult). He's 17 (minor). What is the age of consent in the state? Could there be any legal ramifications if the boy's parents are not as thrilled as DH?

Tried out's picture

there can be. 

Emchris's picture

The boys mom, who lives off of welfare, doesn't work, and uses drugs, is very thrilled. No oppositions there at all. 

CLove's picture

Get your financial ducks in a row. Get things lined up with paperwork. If you feel like you are ready to walk away, take some time away for yourself to really think things through. Shes crapping on you for no reason, well there is no reason you need to be available for crapping on.

CLove's picture

Take some time out to really consider and think what you want for your life. Your previous posts are concerning.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Your DH is a proud grandpappy?. Must be setting the bar low for his kids, and it shows. Aint that illegal a 21 yr old with a 17 yr old? Even if it isnt  WOWZA, what a proud moment for daddio. 

Yea SD's relationship aint gonna last, too many strikes against them.

Stand your ground and make sure you let grandpappy of the year know that this aint gonna be your problemo. Especially helping out an adult who treats you like crap

 

Emchris's picture

Yep, came home and seemed pretty damned proud. Liked all the posts she made about it all over Facebook and told his side of the family. I am so disgusted.

stepmomnorth's picture

How does your partner view your involvement (providing help) in all of this? What level of helping do you think he envisions? 

Emchris's picture

For this situation, I think he expects me to be there and support her 100% like I have her entire life while he sat around and did jack shit. I made it clear to him years ago if this ever happened I refused to raise any of their kids if they fuck up. I've always made sure she was on birth control, the good kind that lasts 5 years. I always took her to her appointments when it needed replaced  She had it intentionally removed to get pregnant, I'm certain

Tried out's picture

a 21 year old ADULT getting pregnant by a 17 year old MINOR would result in her being charged with unlawful sexual intercourse. I know a family to whom this happened and the woman was charged.

Emchris's picture

His mom loves the idea, her dad doesn't seem to give a shit, I'm the only one pissed about it apparently. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Yeah can't really see this one playing out too well. 17 year old.. Wow. I can understand your wanting to come up with some serious boundaries here. Lots of thinking to do. I could easily see this turning into a grandparents will fix everything type of scenario where they'll want to lean on you guys and that's totally not ok as they got themselves into this mess. I agree with Step drama to stand your ground and make your boundaries crystal clear. Otherwise your life will turn into the perpetual babysitter and the great possibility of them wanting to move in... 

Emchris's picture

I absolutely agree. I've honestly been looking at houses already, even though it's still early, and just packing my shit and leaving. I am so over it. The entire situation is absolutely disgusting and I am ashamed to even be associated with it. I told my husband a LONG time ago I refused to be in this situation and raise someone else's kids, and here we are. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

But it seems that dysfunction and shame are incompatible.

Tried out's picture

worthy of a cross stitch pattern. Seriously.

Emchris's picture

I am so disgusted..her dad's happy as can be, posting pictures and everything 9n Facebook about it. Apparently I'm the only one who thinks this is an issue..

Emchris's picture

I am SO ashamed and disgusted beyond belief, trust me. Even more disgusted that my husband is excited about it...I just don't think I want to be involved with any of them anymore at this point

Thumper's picture

The boy's Mom loves the idea?

She should be seeking charges against sd. Her boy is a minor kid.

 

 

 

advice.only2's picture

If only, DH and I happened to be at the police station one time for something Meth Mouth related and a lady marched in with two teenagers (boy and girl).  She went up to the counter and told the officer on duty “This is my daughter and her boyfriend and I don’t care that he is 18 and she’s 15, I allow them to have this relationship!”  The cop was like “Okay, but that doesn’t do anything, if they are caught in a compromising position and ID’ d the cops will have to arrest him for sex with a minor.”  The lady was like then let me talk to somebody higher up who can make sure this isn’t an issue.  My DH and I looked at each other like eww!

Emchris's picture

Yep, the boyfriends mom is so excited, and so I'd my idiot husband. They even got world's best grandparents t shirts and a real live positive pregnancy test as a gift!!....this entire thing is fucking weird, trashy, and I feel like I'm in the twilight zone

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I've been in that bizarre scenario where there's some ridiculous oh-poop-this-is-not-a-good-thing-yet-everyone-is-acting-like-it's-the-best-thing-EVAH skid stuff afoot. BM and all the inlaws were thrilled, DH was just passively drifting along with it all, and I'm over here thinking "WTH is wrong with all of you? Why isn't anyone speaking up or warning OSD that this is a terrible decision?? My own mother would have had a cow!" 

Another poster once compared this to the fairy tale of The Emporer's New Clothes. Either individuals are afraid to speak up, or they're so steeped in the trashy dysfunctional family system that they're lost to all basic standards, good judgement and morals. 

It sounds like you married beneath you, then did your best as Suzy Fixer for a long time. I'm glad you've been thinking about leaving, because once trashy skids start reproducing, the drama, stress, and heartache ramp up too. It's so hard to watch innocent kids get chewed up and become part of the multigenerational dysfunction. And lets not forget the exploitation. OSD is in her mid forties now, but she still wouldn't hesitate to take our last dollar and use the grandskids to get it. Partly why we've been No Contact for eleven years.

Make a plan and save yourself. It's the only way to ever know peace.

Emchris's picture

Wow...this hit me right where it needed to, thank you for this! My SD's dad had her young, so obviously the trend started there, and I've just been watching it spiral into this disgusting trashy shit hole that it is now. I've stuck around for a long time because when the kids mom died, and their dad wasn't worth a shit as a parent, it was just me and I tried SO hard, but apparently nothing worked. Now I see all these other trashy disgusting people, like her boyfriends mom, just jumping for joy and I'm like what in the fuck is wrong with all of you!!!! I realize I married way beneath me and have stuck it out so long for the kids, but it doesn't really seem like they could give 2 shits if I was here or not anymore. 

Tried out's picture

Leave now, before the baby is born. Don't let yourself get sucked into the crazy that poor little baby faces or you will waste even more years of your life.

Emchris's picture

You're absolutely right. I just reached out to a lawyers office today to start talking about options

Dogmom1321's picture

You can tell DH all the boundaries you will have until you're blue in the face. It still won't change the trash and drama around you. You can try your best to avoid it... but the reality of the situation is that your DH has zero problem with SD being trash. Heck, he's even proud of it! You seem polar opposites from where you stand on values, morals, and just common decency. I don't think this is an 'agree to disagree' type scenerio. I simply would not want to be around this lifestyle. Period. 

reedle2021's picture

This would have been my worst nightmare with my 21 yo STBXSS.  I am so sorry this happened but it sounds like there have been underlying problems for a long time.  I agree with the other posters.  I worry that you may end up having to have her and her child live with you and that would just make your life hell as you would likely be the only responsible party.  I think you should consider your options carefully.  You need to really dig deep and think about what you are willing to put up with.  I hate to say it, but I think this situation will continue to get worse.  And with a new grandbaby, DH may likely just put you and your marriage further on the back burner.  I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship, but if needed, don't feel guilty about saving yourself and moving on.  I am doing just that in my life now and I'm in my 40s.  It is hard but once you move forward with the decision, it is wonderful, like a weight (a very heavy weight) being lifted.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.  And yes, I would be absolutely disgusted also with the situation.  First of all, at 21 years of age, I was not at all interested in a younger guy, so that's weird and second, how the hell is she going to raise a child with no stable home??  This just has sh*tshow written all over it.  Sad

 

Emchris's picture

Well, you called it, things did get worse! So her 17yo boyfriend decided to break up with her, imagine that! He is now living in a dumpy hotel because him and his friend burnt down their apartment c9mplex while they were getting high and trying to cook food....with his mom I might add. Getting high together is a family thing between them...how lovely. I reached out to a lawyer today to try and get a consultation and some guidance 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Make an anonymous complaint to DCS with screenshots from social media (if you have access to them). I understand the BF is 17 and nearly an adult, but he's not an adult yet. Someone needs to be protecting him since his own mother won't (and your SO is proudly sharing that his daughter was a predator). If DCS decides not to do anything, so be it. At least you did what you could to protect the minor in this situation.

Rags's picture

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States

Generally unrestricted consent is 18. A few States are 17, fewer are 19 and one is 21 (Washington).   By age, no State is above 16. By Authority no State is above 17.  

 

Restricted by age difference: younger partner is deemed able to consent to having sex with an older one as long as their age difference does not exceed a specified amount.

Restricted by authority: younger partner is deemed able to consent to having sex with an older one as long as the latter is not in a position of trust or authority, or is not recognised to be abusing the inexperience of the younger one.

Unrestricted: age from which one is deemed able to consent to having sex with anyone else or marriageable age if they must be married

Different jurisdictions express these definitions differently, like Argentina, may say the age of consent is 18, but an exception is made down to 13 years of age, if the older partner is not in a position of authority over the younger one. 

Emchris's picture

Thanks all for your constant feedback. Her dad just recently shared all the videos SD and her child boyfriend made when they have everyone the news on Facebook to his page. He's already told all of his side of the family about it as well. All except for the fact the boy is 17... We are complete opposites, completely different views and morals, and the only reason I've stuck around was for the kids because without me they literally had no one. I couldn't let that happen to them, I felt terrible. Now I'm stuck in a marriage, with a house in both our names, that I have no idea what to do with. When we bought this house I was the one who found it, did the legwork, keeps the maintenance up on it, pretty much everything, and I'm scared of losing the house that IVE worked so hard for. I've never been in this situation do I'm not sure that a court would give me the house just based on that, and my husband will throw an absolute fit because he feels he's entitled to everything. There are so many things that worry me about leaving, but I absolutely refuse to raise his little brats baby when they both ask to move in. I don't know where I'd go, but it certainly wouldn't be here. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Leaving that house behind might be a good thing.  You worked hard and the market is best for sellers right now.  A fresh start might be just what you need.  First step is finding a lawyer and getting knowledge.  In fact take a few of the pit bull lawyers off his plate and talk with them too.   Don't let yourself be dragged down with all of this.  

Harry's picture

There more concerned about who going to pay for this kid. They might come after BF mother for support?  
Yiu must get your exit plan ready. You know the next thing is SD and BF are going to want to move in your home  so you can support them take care of GB.  Cook clean. So BF can work on his study's and SD can work on.  Not working 

Emchris's picture

Exit plan is definitely in progress. Her BF just broke up with her...imagine that! A 17 year old who doesn't want to be an adult, let alone a dad. Seems like it the only one who saw this coming...

Rags's picture

Sadly, in most States the legal age of concent is 17 so SD won't end up in prison for mollesting a minor.

Unfortunately.  Sadly, SD will in all liklihood nail this kid to the CS wall.

If I were that kid or his parents, I would move to have SD put on the sexual preditors list and get that baby rather than letting SD screw that kid up for life.

Just my thoughts of course.

Emchris's picture

I ended up looking up the consent laws in the state of Pennsylvania and youre right, he was consenting and pretty much I wouldnt be able to make an anonymous complaint, even if i wanted to because of how the law is worded. The 17 year olds parent, his mom, is a complete piece of trash. She lives off the system and refuses to work, takes in all the kids in the neighborhood when their parents kick them out and then files them on her taxes as dependents and gets income from the state from them. This whole entire situation is so disgusting it makes me sick

Emchris's picture

to further show what a POS the kids mom is, she likes to get high with her 17 year old son and his friends. They were all getting high together a week ago, tried to cook, caught the entire apartment building on fire and are all now living in a run down motel in town... Shes currently asking for handouts on facebook, as is my SD, who is trying to get food, clothes and dog toys for them...