I started looking at this book again after 12 yrs or so. The chapter on older steps has been helpful. It's by Wednesday Martin. Basically you win some lose some attitude. You invested time and energy which didn't lead to any kind of relationship so you step back (no pun intended) and no longer invest any energy.
DH told me he is planning on us going to take SD out for dinner which involves staying over at a hotel. Surprise surprise he told me that he is going to book a hotel. He's a lot cheaper( my first husband got me addicted to 5 star hotels) than I am but I am relinquishing control and am so glad he is taking charge of HIS relationship with HIS child. He does understand now that I won't be shopping for gifts making elaborate dinners and baking anymore.
It will all be fine
My SKs couldn't care less about my gift shopping or elaborate dinners. Nowadays, its money in a card and fast food instead. Don't feel guilty one second, they don't care, don't even see it. I don't fault my SKs for this, they just have diffetent tastes and priorities.
Have a relaxing trip and let him do all the worrying. "SD problem problem", you say, " This bed is so comfortable!" . "SD further problem problem", you reply, "i wonder where a good breakfast place is".
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I'm the planner. The person who executes all the plans. After 15 yrs it's going to be wonderful to just pack a small bag get in the car and not have to plan or think about a thing! Lol.
Are you still having to drive
Are you still having to drive 12 hours just to go to dinner?
6 hrs one day there. 6 hrs home the next. I was hoping if I didn't mention it DH would let it slide. No such luck. But I am sitting back and not planning a thing. There are some nice sightseeing places we will likely go to during the day. DH will likely have us leave super early but he will drive. I felt if I refused to go it would create tension that we don't need right now.
" Sorry honey , I got exposed
" Sorry honey , I got exposed to Covid ". It's the new get out jail free card for stepparents.
Many of these bio parents do
Many of these bio parents do not care about COVID. You literally have to show them a positive test AND be looking like you're on your deathbed, coughing up a lung for them to get a clue.
SD16 power sulk
has a birthday in a month. Guess who isnt getting her a cake, isnt taking her shopping, isnt doing squat?
You guessed it - Clove.
It feels good right??!
Doing all these things and not getting anything back only gives me resentment. These steps are not little kids.
Good for you!
taking a backseat and watching the show takes lots of pressure off a person. These husbands too often expect us wives to take over the nurturing of THEIR children. SMH. Approximately 7 years ago I learned my lesson. My stance now is "his family is HIS family and my family is my family". I hope you enjoy the trip as much as possible.
You can plan
Places to stop, what for lunch? Small town with a good restaurant, Hotel dinner. Check the menu. Late night activities. Breakfast. ( hotel) or on the road
Enjoy the hotel therapy.
Making it about enjoying time together and about you should be goal IMHO.
Somene commented about making the dinner "drive by". Absolutely do that and purge any thought of SD and the dinner from your collective marital memory by.... HAVING FUN!!!!!!