Ready to leave…I think
Hi everyone, it's been a little while since my last post and boy have a lot of things happened. SS, his wife and daughter have moved in right next door and I feel like I've kind of lost my place in life. I set some boundaries for myself but don't feel like DH cares if they are here all day every day, or he's too afraid to stand up and say it. He and SS can't talk about anything without fighting anyway since they are both narcissists.
I think it's safe to say I should take 50% of the blame because Ive been a doormat just watching it all unfold and letting it all happen and my paranoia of seeming "crazy" to all of them has made a very fake shell of what I used to be. I do have medical issues that cause me to totally blow small things up into mountain size issues and take responsibility for that by trying to get the right treatment from the right doctor, but in the end, I don't think anything will change the way I feel about my step family. I just don't want to be around them and DH makes me not want to be around him when I see how he cowers to them, that's not the man I married.
So I am contemplating my exit, trying very hard to act as if things are ok until I can come up with a plan. I don't want to break DHs heart, but mine is shattered already by feeling like I'll never be good enough for him or his adult spoiled kids. I think I'll take my pups and go see my DDs for a while and see how I feel being alone, it's how I spend most of my time now anyway since I stood up and asked for privacy in my own home. Maybe it suits me to not be committed to anyone or just not this one.
Just thought I would share tonight as it's a bit melancholy thinking of what is to come, but at the same time I feel a weight lifted thinking I could solve alot of problems by removing myself from the equation, and DH will then have to realize why this and past marriages didn't work and deal with it on his own. I have been fighting his battles for him trying to make the kids realize my words are his but that backfired when he won't reinforce that and it all comes back to me being an evil stepmom who wants dad all to herself. All I wanted was them to grow up and spend time in their own families and stop acting like teenagers who need daddy right by there side all the time.
i wonder if they will take the blame for making dad sad and lonely or make it out to be all my fault, I'm sure I know the answer. Maybe his next wife is just waiting in the wings, good luck to her.
Happy Evening to all you steps out there please know that I tried and tried and don't think I have anything left. Sometimes love just aint enough ☹️ Hope you all have happiness and harmony in your homes, if not now, very very soon. Remember, it's just not worth it if you aren't happy, I lost too many years trying to impress and be something I wasn't to fit in and now I'm going to have to pick up the pieces of my broken self to start over where I should have never left. Thinking of you all and the daily struggle.
If my skids moved in next
If my skids moved in next door, my marriage would be over stat. No way could I handle that! Matter of fact, mine are never around and I can't even handle that. It's horribly punishing to their dad and it's horribly punishing to me since I know he knows they aren't around sucking his blood because of me. I am so where you are and I have deep empathy for you. You are right to leave for the sake of your physical health, which is absolutely largely a product of the turmoil you deal with on the outside. Save yourself and please come back to share of your happiness. By the way, you're right, someone else will be right there to fill your spot--good! Better her than you!
Come on over...
... to the other side! The water is clean & clear, no drama or b.s.
Love this!
Fellow survivor here who is no longer in the dysfunctional toxic marriage. My ex DH already had a wife, SD.
Hun the lack of drama, the lack of toxic waste, and no longer dread of holidays should be the best selling point.
You finally get to be numero uno. Its a dang great feeling.
Blessings
Agree 100%
It is SUCH A RELIEF to be free and clear of the insanity (even the love-bombing!) and just dealing with life on life's terms, instead of on the manipulative, triangulating user STBXH's terms.
The birds are literally singing overhead - it's 6:25am in the morning of another glorious day!!
Numero Uno is it!
I dreaded the holidays and had a ton of anxiety back then!
The air is fresher and all that 'noise' from the exNarc and his DaughterWife and the flying monkeys are no longer occupying space in my life.
Leave those fools behind in their dysfunction
Peace
I'm so sorry you are going
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please read my posts under the adult stepchildren forum, I think I started posting in January. In any case, I was in a similar situation. I had a husband who was an abusive a&&hole (mostly emotional) and his 21 yo son was the same way and a true failure to launch. I was not allowed to offer parenting advice, have an opinion on how to handle is worthless son, and I was not allowed any boundaries (also, these two worthless pieces of trash never worked). My husband's adult toddler ran our household and like you, I became a shell of my former self. It was depressing, sad and infuriating at times. I finally left at the end of May and believe me, it's worth it. If I had known I would feel this happy, I would have left much sooner. Also, when I would become quiet because I was upset over how they treated me, I was called "crazy" and "overly sensitive." My husband and his son would get mad at me when they did things to upset me. That's the mark of a true narcissist. I am in counseling which is very beneficial. I cut both of them off from ever contacting me again. It has been absolutely glorious.
Only you can decide what's best for you, but I can tell you it's a lot better on the other side. I hope you can get yourself to a good place... please keep us posted, we are here for you!
On the other side
When it gets to the point where you feel like you are in a hole and there is no way out, you have to fly and leave all of the vermin to scuttle around in the bottom of it. Like you, I was trapped in that hole, with a narcissistic exDH who used me as a financial safety blanket for over 30 years. I had already detached from an ultra-toxic SD, but I found the REAL problem was exDH's lack of commitment, his lack of ambition, lack of compassion and my inability to accept that this was my reality. I was in love with the dream rather than the man.
You have to decide what is best for you. I divorced exDH the end of October, and like Reedle, am completely blown away by the happiness and personal growth I have experienced since exDH left. I was sort of afraid of being alone, but found it is an opportunity to get to know myself and connect with friends. As with Reedle, I went to a therapist and it has helped tremendously. You have to find out why you chose to marry a narcissit, and many times it goes back to the family you grew up with. You may have a bit of work to do but it will be a wonderful and rewarding journey. Please keep us posted. (((HUGS)))
Eyeopening
Since reaching my original revelation, I have started to pay attention to every little thing that DH, SS and his clan do and it has become even clearer that I can't do this for the rest of my life or even much longer.
All of your comments have been extremely helpful and appreciated and when I see myself missing out on the future holidays and get together, it actually sounds wonderful.
I have some work to do to prepare but think this is the right choice for me in the end. The only way I see this working is if DH is willing to leave all of this behind with me, which I may discuss when I have all my ducks in a row.
Appreciste you all so much.
I'm glad you're going to talk
I'm glad you're going to talk to him AFTER you have your ducks in a row. That way you won't waste any more time if he can't or won't understand.
Yes get all your ducks in a
Yes get all your ducks in a row first, believe me, it's much easier that way. You want a clean getaway if you decide to go through with it.
Take care of yourself and keep us posted!