This is the only place I know to come and vent
I don't sign on a lot but do come all the time to see what is going on with everyone. Does anything ever change. As for me the best thing I did was Disengaged. I was and still am very glad I found this site. The kids (adults) still have there problems but have learned they are not my problems. I still face some problems through, I have found that I have become bitter its as if I could die tomarrow and I would be fine with it. Silly isn't it but its how I feel. I don't seem to have the good nature in my heart that I use to have. I use to feel sorry for people in some of the situations they were in. Now I just think to myself not my problem. I have never been this way in my life. I think I recall reading in the bible that you put God first and then your spouse that you become as one. I have had a lot of hard times in my life, But never as hard as it has been being in a step family. I find my self always being on the defense with my husband. Let me give an example last week I had to use his printer to send him something it was working fine, when he came home it wasn't working. So he jumped on me and said I broke it. I knew I hadn't but I went on the defense like he always does ALWAYS. I called the company they said it had a corrupted file I said could I have done this they said no. As I reread this it all seems so silly. But in my heart I don't like who I have become. Was it really so bad to have had my husband stand up in my defense when it came to his adult kids. To tell them this is my new wife give her a chance. I don't need to tell any of you what its like when your husband feels the need that he has to protect his adult trouble making kids. I like most of you remarried because you fell in love, Not even thinking what the outcome would be like. I still have a lot to work on. One being myself. I don't think I will ever have the heart I use to have and it makes me very sad. My friends use to tell me that I was such a kind and good person. Anyways thanks for letting me vent as always. I hope you all have a wonderful week thank you
I don't know how long you've
I don't know how long you've been disengaged. For a while after disengagement I felt much like you. I felt like I had been betrayed and corrupted by SD and DH and wondered if I would ever get the old Sandye back. In the initial stages of disengagement, you morn the loss of a dream - a dream where you are first in DH's world and form a family bond with Skids. But in time, being away from such toxic Skids and setting boundaries for DH thing start to change. You suddenly realise things are actually better without the frustrations of being rejected by skids and unsupported by DH. You appreciate healthy, sane realtionships with others and begin to rebuild yourself into a lovable, confident, worthy individual. It just takes a little time. Just hold on - the best is yet to come.
Thank you Sandy... I do hope
Thank you Sandy... I do hope it does come. I think I also have resentment towards my husband for not being there for me when it came to HIS ADULT kids. As in always being my fault that I took it wrong nothing was or is ever there fault always mine. you know its kinda funny there were a lot of times I didn't think my marriage was going to work and at times I still feel that way. AS in our marriage vows isn't the husband suppost to protect his wife as she him. If a complete stranger came up to me and did a lot of the things his kids have done would he also stand by and let this happen. Don't get me wrong I have learned how to stand up for myself now. But I had so much love for this man and im not even sure I have the same respect I use to have for him. That he just stood by and let them hurt me the way that they did and did nothing except make excuses. Makes you wonder where the loyalty lies.
I have to ask if your husband
I have to ask if your husband has also disengaged? Also how long have you been disengaged?
I no longer have the respect
I no longer have the respect for DH that I once had either. That is a sad byproduct of the abuse he and SD inflicted on me butI no longer feel like a victim. I no longer expect him to support me - I do that job well enough myself now. It is his loss. What it also means is I am no longer afraid to divorce him if the need arises,
I've been disengaged and
I've been disengaged and found it took about 1 1/2 years before I no longer thought about how much I had been hurt, betrayed, etc., etc. Give it time and one day you'll just realize it's you again.
The simple fact that you want
The simple fact that you want to change is half the battle. This indicates to me that you want to change. I too have disdain (to put it mildly) in my heart because of the step-demon. Its not a good feeling to run around carrying this type of negativity in your heart. I understand what you are feeling as I feel the same way. I have spent thousands of dollars over the past 5 years in therapy trying to deal with the step-$!ut and my anger towards what she has done to my marriage along with the barrage of abuse I have been subjected to. I realize that it is because of my DH that I resent her so much as he enables her and always makes excuses or her behavior.
As hard as it is, try to remind yourself that your negative feelings are justified but they are only hurting you. I have a hard time with this but I just keep trying to keep this perspective so I can heal. Good luck to you and I hope you can find peace and tranquility in your heart. Take care.