Life seems alittle better for me thanks to Steptalk
I haven't been engaging in my husbands kids at all don't care to and I feel better I don't ask about them. Reading all the story's on here for so long helped. It would make me mad and sad. I got mad because I was treated like crap because I became the step mom, I don't know about anyone else but I'm not a bad person. I also got sad because how a lot of you are treated and some for 20 year's I thought hell NO I'm not going to be treated like that for 20 year's. Don't get me wrong I do love my husband but being his and his kids punching bag on being very mean to me it over. I got a back bone now. I have never done anything to them and they have no reason to treat me like spit on the ground. They got all the ass kissing from me that's it. Thank you all for helping me get past all of that.
The step daughter who is in jail for breaking into the house wrote me a letter, I cried when I read it, why because I truly loved her I thought we had really bonded with each other. I got that letter 2 week's ago I wasted a tablet trying to write her back. Each piece I wrote I tore up. I had no idea what to even say to her. She told me she was sorry for all the bad thing's she has done to me and that she misses the bond we use to have. To be honest I still love her and I also miss the bond. But something has changed in me. I don't trust her. I'm not sure if she is saying all of this because she is locked up. 3 of my husband's kids are drug addicts its like a roller coaster and its on again off again. Done I'm done with that also. the other girl step is his mini wife, I now tell him why don't you go visit haha a lot more then I use to ...why do I do that because I get peace. anyways that's what has been going on with me. I have gotten tough but I had to and to be honest I really do miss the feeling of having a good heart. Thanks for listening.
It is wonderful that you are
It is wonderful that you are getting stronger. I wish I did years ago. It took me over 15 years to start standing up for myself and I think that was too late. Noone wants to change the rules now.
You still have a kind heart but you also have a smart heart. You love and give to those who are genuine and care about you too.
THERE is nothing wrong with that.
I agree that steptalk has
I agree that steptalk has been a life saver for me. I realized I wasn't alone in my feelings towards my skids, and the horrible treatment by them towards me.
My step daughter (19) sent me a text apology a few months back, and I thought "wow, that was nice." And then I got to thinking "she must want something." Called my DH and asked if he had heard from SD19 and he said she wanted to see him that evening. I told him "if she asks to move back home, the answer is "NO""! Sure enough, she asked if she could move home, after she had treated me like crap for years, bad mouthed me all over our little town, bad mouthed me to family members and their siblings -- um, answer is "hell no".
So I did respond to her text and told her I appreciated the apology, but that it would take time for me to trust her again and that actions speak louder than words. Well, her actions since that time have proved to me she doesn't want a relationship with me. So, buh bye!
SD15 announced at the top of
SD15 announced at the top of her lungs mid-summer that she's "not sorry, has never been sorry, and has NO REGRETS."
Never forget that, OP. I believe it's the most truth she's ever spoken. In jail you have an awful lot of misery and time to think about how life really was better on the outside and hoping to have a place to land when your sentence is served. There are so many jailhouse conversions to religion that it's become a sad cliche. Yet these same devoted followers of //plug in name of religion here// quickly revert to their old ways as soon as they have freedom again.
Is your SD truly introspective and repentant? Or, like my SD, has she just learned apologies are the way out of a mess at times - no need to be sincere. And you can always take them back.
"Don't tell me, show me."
"Don't tell me, show me." That was probably one of the most powerful and shortest lectures I ever received from my parents when I had disappointed them.
If you are going to reply to the letter from the criminal incarcerated SD then make it short and direct.
"Thank you for your letter. I hope we can get back to a place were we can be close and where I can trust you. You say you want the same. Don't tell me, show me. Take care of yourself."
I suggest something along the lines of this and only this. No deep emotional response. Short, direct, to the point and putting the onus on her with a call to action that she must take to get back in your good graces.
Take care of yourself.
Yes, and she has probably
Yes, and she has probably found Jesus, too.
Thank you for the reply's.
Thank you for the reply's. Been really busy working in the yard and cleaning. Husband left town for a few day's so I wanted to get a lot done. So I choose not to write the step daughter back, I just don't feel like it is a place I want to go to. I realize my husband is a very big enabler, He would never admit to it. The point where I am now is I don't want any of his kid's moving back in, I don't want him paying off his son's 20,000 in fine's and all the fine's his daughter has racked up. I feel they made the mistake's and it should be up to them to clean them up not him. It would be different if it were their first time, but it's not he has been doing it since we have been together, and from what I understand long before that. I'm the step mom it should not become my problem I did not create it. My own kid's are not like that so why should I have to deal with it. I know what my husband would do if it were my kid's he wouldn't allow them around here and he wouldn't deal with it, So why should I be any different. My kid's have never tried causing problem's in our marriage, but his has for 6 1/2 year's now, My kid's have never stolen from us but his has, My kid's have never lied that I know of because I haven't caught them in one but his kid's lie every time they talk. I really am just tired and will keep plugging away and hope one day my husband will open his eye's. All my husband's friend's know it but wont say anything. So I know I haven't lost it if they see what I see.
First let me say that all
First let me say that all folk in prison seem to find "religion", the error of their ways. Doesn't always mean they have really changed.
I am so sorry for you on this because you do care for this SD. Things could have been so different and that is something you are mourning and probably a lot of the angst you are currently feeling.
I am certain her letter hit you in your heart because you do care about her and I understand that.
Perhaps, though, you need to let it go and wait awhile before you answer her, if you decide to even answer at all. Go with your gut feelings. I have found that when I listen to my gut feelings and not what I think I ought to do etc, my gut is generally right on. Let things settle with you before you do anything. And waiting won't hurt.
Remember, you disengaged. You are not their punching bag, mentally, and you can always put limits and boundaries on what you will and won't accept in behavior from her in the future. YOUR TERMS, not hers. Especially as she probably wants to move back in after she gets out of jail.
Nora, dear, you deserve good, nice people who care for you. Bless you.
"First let me say that all
"First let me say that all folk in prison seem to find "religion", the error of their ways. Doesn't always mean they have really changed." Very true, my brother has been in and out of prison several times and is always sorry, will always change, found God again and my poor mother takes the hook line and sinker every time. She moves him in, enables him and BAM he went right back to prison. Luckily this time her landlord said "Hell NO he cannot live on this property" and my brother is actually rebuilding his life because he has to.
It's nice that she apologized but just beware and don't let her move in after she gets out.
Perhaps, though, you need to let it go and wait awhile before you answer her, if you decide to even answer at all.
Yes, let her stew for a bit. Let her sit with what she's done and her behaviors. Enjoy your peace for awhile longer.