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Need your opion please!!!!

NoraAstepmom's picture

Going to get right to the point. Husbands daughter and her so called better half wanted to come up for the weekend so they could go boating, They have talked so much crap to me for over 7 years that I told my DH I would prefer that he be here when they came, his words to me were that's my Fu**in family if they want to come they can, then went on to tell me that my Fu**in family(daughter) was never aloud to come here again, needed less to say it turned into a big argument , They have never been nice to me always talking Sh*t. that's why i told him he needs to be here....am I right or wrong please tell me.

Indigo's picture

Sweetie, just breathe. DH sounds like he blew a gasket tonight.

If this is the bitchy SD x hubbie who quizzed you about names on vehicles and bank accounts and whatever else, ... you've got nothing to explain when you asked DH to please be present when his idiot sperm and her better half were around. You didn't say they couldn't be. You said that after the BS, you needed him there.

Assuming your BD is nothing like your SD. He lashed out at your BD because he knows his daughter is a piece of work. Ban your daughter before you can ban his.

Take it as a bad fight.

If they want to go boating. Great. IF DH is NOT present ... amazingly the boat keys disappear, or the keys to the boat lift drop on the dock or you go to the spa/mall/friends and forget to unlock the house, or your dog gets sick or the neighbors nephew is having a Bar Mitzvah an hour away and you might get a hotel room ... See what I'm saying?

AVR1962's picture

How long have you been married? Does your husband always talk this way to you? Were you calm when you told your husband that you wanted him there at the house, or upset? Could he have been reacting to your upset? Has this been an issue before. Is he aware of the stuff the daughter has been saying to you, or about you?

Regardless of the answers, just to look at this I wonder where your support is?

Monchichi's picture

I can't and you know it. She's like 65, my size and I'm 42. I can't raise my hand to the elderly Blum 3

NoraAstepmom's picture

I was calm when he asked me, and I was calm when i asked him to please be here when they come, my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to my husband or his adult kids. My daughter wants me happy. Tommarr, I have never limited his kids from coming here, all I asked is that when they come here is that he be here, he is at their house he has a work trailer there he works out of, its there boat they would be bringing up and they were going to be here for 4 days. I have had to put up with a lot of crap you have no idea, He doesn't know because he doesn't want to here it, and if I try to tell him he tells me he don't F*ck*ng want to here it. Fine but I should not have to be in there company when he is not here, I'm not sure why he is this was but he is very protective over his step daughter, after this happened my husband through it better we get divorced because I don't want to be around them with out him around, if he is here when they are they don't have the chance to talk crap to me. My husband's 1 son told me if my husband and I get divorced that he would testify against his dad but both of his other 2 kids told me I have been a good wife and that in no way am I mean to any of them, they also know what I have had to go through,

Yes this is the step daughter and her other half who have come here for 7 1/2 trying to bust up my marriage, wanting to know how much money is in the bank and if he still has his cds, whose names are on the homes, whose names are on life insurance policy's the list goes on,,,,my reaction to them when they asked me this was to tell them you need to talk to your dad that is between you all. Sorry I could go on and on...but didnt want it to turn into a book...I really appreciate your input, I feel so sick.

still learning's picture

?1: Why do YOU have to be there when they visit? Do you have a sick relative you could go visit or a friend you haven't seen in awhile?

Four days of putting up with that is too much especially with your husbands attitude. My backup go to is a great motel just 20 mins away with weekly rates. I will escape to it if need be.

?2: Why are you married to such a jerk?! This man has no problem swearing at you and dismissing your feelings then at the same time telling you that your family is unwelcome. Are you OK with being treated like sh*t?

NoraAstepmom's picture

Still learning,......because we have 3 dogs I have to look after, husband doesn't like leaving the dogs alone to long. the only family I have our my daughter and grand kids everyone else has passed away. My husband is always dismissing my feelings. I don't know what is going on with my husband and his step daughter but what ever her and her husband want they get..mind you I don't care. I feel my husband should have put a stop to all of this when it all started 71/2 years ago. I told him why cant they just come here have a good time enjoy them self's instead of trying to make drama for me. I also told him he should have told them that if you dont like my wife that's fine but you cant come here and disrespect her. He tried one time during our 7 years being together, His daughter told him she was tired of me saying bad things about there mom and she started crying. This was a lie I had never even knew there mom and all I have heard was nice things about her, so my husband went to her aid and says I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry.There are photos in the living room of his wife also in the back bedroom I have never tried to take her memory away from them. I feel so upset right now, its hard to type it all on here.

still learning's picture

Sorry I haven't read all of your posts and don't know your backstory. Am I correct in assuming DH is a widower and you moved into the family home with his *ghost wife?* If so that just adds an entire extra layer of step drama. Regardless of the two of you's story you should not have to tolerate abuse. The way he treated you was abusive. The fact that he cares more about the well being of your 3 dogs than you, his own wife is very telling.

Do you love this man? Does he love you? Are the dogs the only thing holding your marriage together?

I would not allow skids to visit without DH there either. I mean what's the point of them coming over if he's not there?

Andie91801's picture

I'm sorry...

If i was you i would take the dogs to the kennel and locked up the house. If he's not there to see them that's his problem. They are his family, not your. Leave the house for few days. Go treat yourself a mini vacation. And if your husband asks why you're not there then said since your daughter said i've always bad mouthed about their mother so it's best for me not to be there so you guys can have a good time with each other. And if something missing or broken just send them the bill. Smile

Best of luck

A.

NoraAstepmom's picture

Catlettuce......you have always been so very kind to me thank you. I have spent the last 3 days trying to find a place to rent so I can leave,, no one will rent to me because I don't have a job,, to look for work I have to drive 45 min away, my husband hasn't let me work except for his company doing all that stuff for him. Some of my husband's friends have told me to leave I get that, its just not that easy, His friends know they stuff I have had to go threw , a few of them told me yesterday that I bend over backwards for him and his kids.

still learning's picture

Agree with catlettuce above. It sounds like you have thought about leaving but finances are an issue. If hire an attorney and then file for a legal separation your DH will likely have to pay spousal support since you have not worked outside the home or his business while the two of you have been married. Then make an ultimatum, intensive marriage counseling or you will proceed with divorce.

hatesteplife's picture

You are stronger than you think with more resources than you think. That is no marriage. It's time to get out of that abusive relationship. Take the advice of the other posters.