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My Daughter in law hates me

BobbyPR's picture

Submitted by BobbyPR on Fri, 08/03/2018 - 6:01am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

 I need advice. My 36+-year-old daughter in law hates me. She’s hated me from day one. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. But it doesn’t matter what I do how I do it why I do it when I do it, she hates me avoids me keeps me away from her kids alienates me from my wife...I give up, I’ll do anything, why does she hate me so much?She’s the reason why I’m with her mother. I owe her  everything for my happiness with her mother.  But she won’t except me for anything. We all have our issues…??? But I’ve never ever in my life have had to go out of my way to avoid someone so much as she is going out of her way to avoid me. Please tell me how to keep my relationship with my precious wife unaffected by her own daughter attitude towards me. 

 

 

Areyou's picture

Submitted by Areyou on Fri, 08/03/2018 - 8:06am

I can’t stand my DH’s daughter and do everything possible to avoid her. She has a pretty good idea that I can’t stand her. 

 

Don’t take it personal. People don’t have to like you.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Fri, 08/03/2018 - 8:12am

Wait - I'm confused. Is this person who dislikes you your daughter-in-law or your stepdaughter? 

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Fri, 08/03/2018 - 12:26pm

Don't ask why. You will never really know. But I just read this comment to a post by a SD who refuses to befriend her SM, even though the SM has done nothing wrong to SD:

"You are angry at someone and the SM is not who you are really angry with."

This is so true. Your SD is probably angry about something that has nothing to do with you -- like that her parents aren't together. You are an easier target for your SD's anger than her own parents, who are responsible for breaking up her home.

It's not fair, but that's how it seems to be. My husband's family are all shut down, never discuss anything, never raise their voices. I am sure my SD is very angry that her parents broke up her childhood family. But she's fine with them. It's me she hates. It makes no sense on the surface, but if you think about a child whose family is suddenly split up, think about the abandonment that kid must feel, you can imagine that adult child doesn't want to risk losing her parents by expressing anger about their divorce from many years ago.

You are simply a safe target for SD's years of anger about her parents' split. I'm sorry -- I know how frustrating it is to be the target.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 08/03/2018 - 3:21pm

Sorry you are hurt. Your spouse  will either expect her adult kid to use her social grace skills or she won't expect anything from her adult kid. 

There isn't anything you can do to make this adult behave different.. However you can remove yourself so you protect yourself from future pain. Let your spouse have every bit of her relationship with her child she wants. 

You will make other plans every single time. Ps. Always sent a small gift for birthday or Christmas. Not cash but rather a tray of cookies from a local high end bakery.

Give adult kid what she wants...no relationship with you.