Tell your husband how you feel- that he said he wanted to spend time with you and that the calls are becoming intrusive. How he reacts is important- because talking to an adult 2/3 times a day every day is excessive and if he doesn't see this you're in trouble. However, talking to them once a day is maybe not too bad as they only just moved out and you shouldn't expect them to want to speak to you at all- why would they? You are the cause of their moving out, as they would see it. Wanting to see the will is too much too- she has no right to do that. You are now his next of kin- however leaving them out entirely seems harsh- but it is up to him.

I think you need to tell him how you feel and gauge his reaction- then find yourself something else to do except worry about this- they are no longer in your home and that is the way it should stay. You shouldn't need to be ' involved' in their relationship.

I read both of your postings. I'm picturing a father who never really allowed his children to grow be. Didn't prepare them for , well, being adults for when the time came they were finally adults. 

I also get the picture that you expected too much on the SM role being these children are and were adults (are at least age wise suppose to have been) when you came along. You said none were younger than 24, so I am assuming the other two are perhaps 26 -30. Where is the children's mother? I'd think which coffee table and where best to arrange sitting in the living area would be more of a female question. If I asked my husband which table to buy, I'd get a 'oh, whichever one you like best, honey' (all the while him thinking to himself, who cares, pick one). 

You need to focus on your husband and your new marriage. They are all finally out of the home (keep it that way) and they are quite old enough to figure out a form document all on their own. It's a rare form that doesn't have an online instruction sheet these days. 

And speaker phone? Really? Why? ask your husband to limit his phone calls during your evening times and weekends. Times where you are both usually home and enjoying each other's company and relaxing. What your husband is trying to tell them, about how he needs to focus on he and his wife now is correct.... except the words are coming out of his mouth and are not being backed up by his actions. Being available for the phone calls repeatedly all day and then entertaining them with the silliness they are calling for i not backing up what he saying he wants. 

Don't waste your time trying to be overly involved with these adult children. It's something you will regret and it' a thankless job even attempting it. They are not little children , nor even teens. They have become far too dependent somewhere over the years on their father. Most adult children coming out of college are anxious to start their own lives. Sure, they still want to see and stay in contact with family, but not be so emotionally dependent on their parents and/or need to speak multiple times a day to merely function.

You mentioned in one of your post that DH just doesn't get what the problem is in his kids calling daily to him when you call your own mother every day. But there is a difference. Your mother isn't twenty something. I imagine you call your mother every day or a couple times a week to just check on her and that as an older woman,is just doing ok. My mother is eighty something, and yes, I check in with her a couple times a week.

Have you considered marriage counseling? Sometimes a third party can help sort out what a couple needs to focus on, not focus on and what areas the couple needs to work on. It can help open up lines of communication and how to share your feelings. 

I'm not clear on why you feel you need to involved in every little aspect of his relationship with his daughter? Even in an intact family a kid might call one parent and speak to them without asking about the other parent. Why does she need to include you in everything?

My DH sees SS18 for dinner here and there, and texts with him periodically and I can promise that SS has never asked about me. Why? He doesn't care.  I don't expect him to, even though he likes me.

Let go of trying to control how many times a day he speaks to her and about what. You will quickly get huge resentment from both him and your SD.  Be grateful he kicked them out of the nest to spend time with you, and that they don't make your life hell.  If his calls to her intrude on your time together, tell him that, otherwise, stop micromanaging his relationship with his kids.

young adult children at least once a day. DH (stepdad) does as well but he has been in their lives since they were preschoolers. Neither lives at home but they ask advice, just call to chat, and sometimes they need a favor or help with life decisions, even minor ones. 

I do question why his adult children would not be allowed to see your (joint) will as stated in your last post. That is fairly typical as children and parents get older. We had to remind my in-laws to update their will as DH was set to go live with his aunt and uncle (they hadn't updated it for two decades) and we were fully involved in the process. Same with my mother. The adult kids have seen the will DH and I have as well. Having had a parent pass away without a will and having to make some decisions as the eldest child (my mom was devastated) I can tell you that it is easier to know what is wanted and how to proceed. 

Here's the deal: they didn't want you, they only want him and had to take you to have him.

Now that you aren't a package deal, they have no need for you.

I completely understand how you feel. I went through this too. It's hurtful and unnecessary (at least from our points of view). But it's not going to change.

I like that your husband had the nerve to push them out. That's a plus. This resulting thing isn't great, but in a roundabout way, your husband set aside a life for you that is free of them and that's a good thing. The problem is, his kids know he wouldn't have moved them out if he weren't remarried, so regardless of what reason he gave for asking them to move out, they know you are the source of the change. You will always be the outsider and that's just the way it is. It's not your fault, it's not their fault. You came late to the party, that's just the reality of it.

So give up the idea of being the skids' go-to person for advice, niceties, etc. They do not need you for that and you're fighting their natural resentment toward you merely for being the second wife. I know this isn't how you wanted it, but you're in a better situation than many, so try to change your baseline expectation for how things will be. Put the skids on the level of your husband's coworkers -- you know they exist, sometimes you hear something about them, but they are separate from you.

I'll tell you...the sooner you lower your expectation of how things could be to how they are, you'll have more peace.

After all these years, I've come to realize the "step" situation is not natural nor normal. It cannot be a normal relationship with other adults who happen to be related to your husband. It just is what it is: a bunch of people thrown together because two of the people fell in love. That love doesn't go beyond the two people involved in it.

As for the constant calls, see if they die down after she's settled in more. If not, you might have to set some boundaries: no calls at dinner, during movies, during dinner parties.

After issues early in our marriage about SD calling all the time, we went to therapy. The therapist told my husband at SD's age, she should be calling once or twice a week, not three times a day. But my husband couldn't say "no" to SD, so my husband took SD's calls underground, so now he sneaks around the house trying to talk to her without me knowing. But he also knows better than to answer her calls when we're in the middle of a party anymore. It's humiliating that he acts as if I don't exist to her and she doesnt' exist to me, but to hell with it. It's more realistic than everyone acting like they care how the other person's day was. No one cares how I'm doing, no one cares if my dog is on his death bed, no one cares if I had a bad day. That's reality.

Having these expectations from your SD will set you up for disappointment every single time, so don't do it. I get it, you tried to develop a good relationship with her but unfortunately she doesn't feel like engaging with you and only requires her father. Be grateful that you are not involved in any of this and allow your H to deal with it. If the constant contact between H and SD bothers and interferes with your life with him, speak up and ask him to do something about it.

The good thing is these kids are out the house, now disengage and don't care so much about what their interactions are with their father. If you let this go, your life will be so much more peaceful and stress free.

Really, all you should expect is that the skids are polite to you. Everything else is between them and their Dad.

It's fantastic that your DH had them move out so he could build his marriage. I don't think I've ever heard that here before. The next step is dealing with the intrusion of the phone calls into YOUR life. If he is taking their calls during dinner, or when you are on a date, or when you are engaged in conversation, then your problem is with HIM. Other than that, you don't get a say in how frequently they talk or what they talk about. Although I do agree with you that 2-3 times a day for advice on stupid stuff is troubling. But it's HIS trouble to address.

You ask him not to take phone calls that would interrupt your time with him. I had to do that very thing and it was HARD for DH because he jumps ridiculously high for his adult kids. Still is hard for him years later. And I agree that it's because he likes the attention and needs to be needed.

So, a lot of people here have given pretty good advice.  This is my take:  

Now that HIS kids are out of the house, they feel a loss of control, especially the daughter.  Jealousy is afoot on both sides--theirs and yours, and that's natural.  It isn't unnatural for grown kids to call their parents a couple times a day, so, unfortunately, you need to accept it with a pleasant smile on your face (not saying you have to like it).  You don't want him sneaking around to take and make calls.  She/they have zero right to know about the will.  Their meddling mother has likely put the thought in their heads.  Talk calmly with your husband about your concern about that and the need for boundaries.  You aren't their mother and, frankly, you're not really even their friend.  You're just a woman that their dad wanted to marry.  They'll learn to respect you on some level if you don't try to be anything but polite when they're around.  The likelihood of drama for the rest of your life is pretty high, so try to settle in and be ready for waxing and waning of it.  It's nice that your husband had them move out.  That's a very positive sign that he loves you and wants to try to make you as his wife, first.  Best.