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married to the children

SugarSpice's picture

no not like the old tv show.

as in married to his children. we know this happens when a spouse is more involved with his child than his wife. this always happens with the dh. the realities of life are in our marriage. bills, income, job worries, aging and dying parents. the dh is constantly complaining about life in general and finding fault with me. the adult sds pose no pressures on the dh at all. when he leaves the house to go to dinner with the sds its like he is going out to meet a mistress. he picks a fight wi me says i don't care about him anymore and then leaves so he can feel better about meeting with them.

these two youg women live on their own and still have their hands out. their mother wont give them any money at all. in short the mother left their father for another man while he was away in the military. the sds were still in nappies. the mother had an affair with a married man and he also left his wife. the pair married. almost twenty years later the new husband left to find another woman. what a shame.

any stories about the other woman or women in the life of your husband? i know that these mistresses can be of the same sex. men can be too involved with their sons and women can be too involved with the daughters.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Maybe the mother is the better parent after all. She is not the one giving them money and enabling their behaviour. Perhaps mum sees them for what they are and is not afraid to say no to them. Whereas dad will never say no, they might stop talking to him. Dad is prepared to break your heart to put them first. That is neither a good parent or a good husband.

SugarSpice's picture

thank you one and all. i know it is a very unhealthy situation all around. adult sd made threats to break my jaw. no defence or help came from dh. it was like he did not want to see the truth or take charge. sd also said "lets fight to see who gets him. i am up for it." it was like a sick tv talk show. i finally put sd in her place with a few well chosen words. she shut up after that. the sad truth is that dh really though he was stticking up for me. right. after several hours he goes and has a "talk" with her privately.

it seems all about boundaries or lack of them rather.

wow karma. it sounds like your ss was a mistress.

Honeysuckle's picture

Interesting thread. My SO and I just recently discussed this phenomenon and that he believes that the 'close' relationship he developed with his daughters evolved from the dysfunction of his marriage. They filled certain needs that were not being met by BM.

This leads to problems now (for me more than anyone I guess) and the question is how to change a lifetime of patterns and dependency on each other? I like to call it 'displaced affection'.

Honeysuckle's picture

Interesting- SD20 jumps from relationship to relationship as she can't bear to be on her own - she told me she has pretty much been doing this since she was 14.

SD23 is the opposite- first boyfriend at 21 and they'll probably get married.

Not surprising that SD20 is very much like her father (and closer to) and SD23 like her mother.

TorturedGuy's picture

Similar here,except I'm the SD and she's married to her son. People have told me already to just leave and let them sink together,but she just needs me for the money because she doesn't know whether his unstable azz will move out someday. My guess is no since he knows he can always lean on her.