Lightbulb moment
I had an amazing moment of clarity this weekend. A bit of background, dh and I married three years. He has adult daughters who refused to come to our wedding and they have taken dh to court numerous times for all of life's essentials--.cars, cell phones, expensive private colleges. I think you can get the picture. The oldest ones want nothing to do with dh. They are on their own and basically picked the carcass of their father dry. Youngest daughter is now sucking up to dh past few months and revealed her hand at their meeting in over 4 years and she asks dh to start cosigning her college loans.
So dh has continued to own his home he owned with the ex. Granted we live in my home, but plan on selling it and buying a joint home together. Dh seems to be all talk about selling his house. It made me very upset, even going there is uncomfortable for me. I have been hounding dh for years, and feeling very anxious about the house and his daughters.
So this weekend I told dh a couple things. I own my own home. It is honestly a beautiful house, and I love the area. I told dh that he is free to sell his house or, keep it. The time table is up to him. I will no longer mention it to him. Honestly, I do not know why I was so anxious about it. I think I wanted us to move on together. Now I see that might not happen and so what? We will continue to live in my house. Yes, we are paying double everything' but so what? He can keep it forever. The choice is his.
And finally I told dh that he is free to engage with his ex, daughters, however he sees fit. I will not discuss them further. I will not see them, I basically have hit the delete button. Dh says it sounds like I am unhappy, and no longer his partner. I said yes on both accounts. I am his partner in our marriage, our life, my kids,essentially people who give a crap about us, but those people who sought to destroy our marriage-- they are gone from my lfe for good.
His daughter is planning on
His daughter is planning on law school from what I hear so I imagine in the next 6 months he is going to get another court motion killing two birds with one stone--to cosign the rest of daughters loans, and the big ticket item to pay for law school. Granted ex and his daughter pay a third, but to be taken to court to force your father to pay for a private 50k year college is frankly despicable. That happened two years ago, and daughter was the big fat victim in her crazy head. I truly don't know how these entitled pooches delude themselves that they are entitled to this. They are pathetic and the worst mistakes of dh's life. Maybe that is why they are so screwed up.
I'd be leaving my estate to
I'd be leaving my estate to the church or a charity.
His house sits there unused? Tell him to rent it out and give you half after expenses.
Well it has already started.
Well it has already started. Tonight his daughter called and immediately asked her father again to cosign a student loan. It seems a few thousand remains on her bill for this semester. Now her true colors show! I just do not know how you can drag your father to court, get what you want, ignore him for three years and then sucker punch him again. He said he will talk tomorrow with her. Welcome to the fun house!
I already am batshit crazy.
I already am batshit crazy. I wanted to grab the phone and tell off the little ingrate. I wanted to tell her what kind of pathetic slug takes her father to court for a fancy school, wins, ignores him for three years and then comes out from beneath the rock and pretends she finally cares about dear old dad? Only to refuse to accept a polite no to the unbelievable request to cosign loans, on top of the thousands he pays? I really wanted to so badly!!!!!! I abhor her!!!! What entitlement! I do think dh does realize the game now, and that his daughter is not calling him the past few months because she really cares. Oh she cares, about her self.
I have lived this, I know.
I have lived this, I know. In this state, and too many others, divorced parents can and are held liable to pay for adult children's college and even still pay child support.
My dh and ex agreement was to pay for state school, and each pay a third.
That changed with court motion to go to "college of her choice". Imagine being sued by your own child? All the while being told what a creep you are?
I stand by what I wrote. It is a travesty, the crazy thing called family court.
My dh would have willingly paid for a state school. He is now paying a third of an expensive college. When does it end?
So sue, I swear to you, this is American justice at its finest.
But google this stuff, see for yourself.
I can attest to this as well
I can attest to this as well NY and NJ the father pays for a minimum of 1/2 of college and continues to pay child support as well...in our case directly to their child....NY NJ family courts are horrendous.....do not move to this area! I could write a book! Good luck I hope it all turns out well for you both!
This applies to CT as well.
This applies to CT as well. In CT, the custodial parent, not the child can sue the NCP to pay half of the college expenses for the cost of tuition for UCONN. The child can take that money and go the college of their choice. However, the NCP must be included in the college choice and the court must determine if the parents would have paid for college, if they had stayed together. My DH has twins that are both planning to attend college, in the fall of 2013. Neither have included him in college choice discussion despite DH's efforts to have this conversation. We'll see what happens. I doubt the troll will petition the court. This would require her to file a motion and pay an attorney. If she will not reap the rewards, directly, she will not petition. Not worried... So far....
http://www.forbes.com/2007/02
http://www.forbes.com/2007/02/13/divorce-kids-education-pf-estates-in_mb...
this explains some of the states that do just what New is talking about.
scary!
It is scary, and having to
It is scary, and having to answer to a 20 year old entitled brat is even scarier. My dh has not one shred of retirement left.
Yes, my dh rages against the court system. I rage against the people who brought him there. The she devils who call themselves his daughters. They are pure evil. You want to know what a sociopath does, just think of last night.
You take someone to court to shake the tree, call them years later claiming you have missed them and no the court was not your doing, then call up And demand your father cosign loans. God, if I ever see her again
age out - emancipation - in
age out - emancipation - in NY NJ as long as they stay in school you pay 1/2 college and child support up to the age you state in your agreement...so it is so important to have the right lawyer that stipulates an age.......
In CT, it's 24....
In CT, it's 24....
The scary part is she will go
The scary part is she will go to law school and then she doesn't need a lawyer . She can sue Daddeeee all by herself! :sick:
Ha! Bravo, Towanda! It would
Ha! Bravo, Towanda! It would be funny if it wasn't so crazy and sad.
What a brilliant observation.
(It is funny anyway.)
Dh says he never called his
Dh says he never called his daughter back and we had a lovely dinner out last night. I guess he is sending her his own message about her request, but requests soon become demands, at least that has been my observation with them. Likely he will hear from his ex and it will escalate, maybe to court. I believe the court motions irreparably damaged any standing that his daughter has. Yes they have a relationship, but it is not one based on trust of any kind. I am considering myself lucky that his daughter did not reach out and apologize to me. Now this way I can safely keep my door shut.
If you take a stranger to court, you will get an enemy, yes? If you take a parent to court, what do you expect to get? These girls carry on like nothing has happened, entitled and all that. Dh is not going to cosign, he believes correctly that the "requests" will escalate and not stop.
Hopefully in a few years this one will be gone like the rest. She still needs her bills paid for the next few years.
There are some states that 18 is the cutoff. I dream of that sometimes. This witch getting nothing!!!