The Invisible Woman
So my fiances "perfect princess" called Daddy yesterday evening and wanted to come visit. When I found this out, I told him I should leave, that I knew she was going to come over and treat me as if I wasnt there. He begged me not to, so I reluctantly stayed. Well, she was here for 5 hrs. and didnt speak a word to me. That is the norm for her though. She does that to anger me and her dad and I know this, but he doesnt see it that way. He says its "ok" for her to come over and act that way, that its not disrespectful and that way she isnt being "ugly" to me and to just shine her on. Well, thats exactly what I did. I let it be known her presence wasnt welcome there. Simply by playing her "silent" game. And sure enough, I get cussed for it, and my fiance telling me I should have been more of an adult in the matter. And he also told me I was jealous of her and wanted all of his attention. I told him I would never want to be labeled a "bitch" like she is and would never want to be like her. He really cut me down like I was a POS. It really hurt me! I have been putting up with her abuse for nearly 5 yrs. and Im just sick of it. I told my fiance not to ever again force me to be in the same room with her. If you read my previous posts, you will get the picture. I really dont know what to do at this point, and am seriously considering not marrying this man. The girl is truly the devil, so hateful, so mean, so cold hearted. (shes even mean to my dog, go figure!) and truly a master at emotionally blackmailing her father.
He wants you to be more of an
He wants you to be more of an adult?? He is aware of the fact that his little snookums is no longer a child, right? What a jerk!
Smart to remove yourself from
Smart to remove yourself from the situation and take the dog too. You should not be subjected to this and you need
to ask yourself and your fiance why he would want you to be
disrespected like that? You are smart to think this marriage over for a while. Good Luck to you! I know it hurts.
Ive told him that numerous
Ive told him that numerous times, but in all reality she has the mentality of a 12 yr. old. I have a 13 yr. old son, and he knows from the get go that momma will NOT tolerate that kind of behavior from him. Its a shame that he acts older than her and shes 23 yrs. old. Hmmmmm!!!
With all due respect, you
With all due respect, you need to set you fiance straight. First off, why is she allowed to come over and totally disrespect you like you're not even in the room? If she can't at least be civil to you, she should see your fiance away from the home. The fact that he encouraged this foolish "silent treatment" game between the two of you is childish and petty.
He needs to set her straight and tell her that you're to be respected and treated in a civil manner. If he refuses to do it, and you don't want to be there when she comes for a visit, tell him you're leaving and then do it. Don't allow him to convince you to stay and be subjected to any more of her foolishness.
He had the nerve to ream you, when his allegiance should be with you. Tell him that. I did the same in my marriage, when I felt I was the outsider to a special relationship between DH and SD (27). Afterwards he become more mindful of his actions.
If you don't set your fiance straight now, expect this type of foolishness to continue. And you don't deserve it. He needs to admit and accept that she's the problem, and it's up to him to demand that she give you the respect you deserve.
Shannon is right. I put up
Shannon is right. I put up with the silent treatment and sadistic games for 20 years and finally put a stop to it in January of this year. It's a lot easier to stop this abuse early than later. DH must know SD is being rude but by tranferring the blame to you he does not have to confront SD. My DH saw the light when he realized he was facing divorce if the situation did not change. As it now is, my SD is not allowed in my home until I get a personal apology and guarantee there will be no more games. I would NOT marry this man unless he assures you that his prime focus will be on the marriage, and that he expects SD to respect you as DH's wife in your own home.
I agree that this situation
I agree that this situation calls for desperate measures. It is hard enough sustaining a step family situation when you and the DH are on the same page, as I am (usually) with mine, but when he is siding with his daughter in this way, it is impossible.
I agree with Shannon and Sandye's approaches, and I would not marry this chap until he sees the light.
I totally agree with all
I totally agree with all thats being said here and I appreciate all the comments. Now that Ive read these comments, I know that I havent been blowing this out of proportion like my fiance said I was. To me, this is serious stuff and it MUST come to a halt. I told him the next time she comes over here and acts like I dont exist, I plan on giving her an earful, and at this point I dont really care if he gets angry or not although I know I will get chewed out for it. And yes, he will side with her and I will be to blame...again.
I just want to say StepAside
I just want to say StepAside gave me the same advice, I used it and it worked! No, my skids still refuse to speak to me. However, when it got called out at a family dinner (including in-laws) it had just the effect SA described. They were shocked that I called them out after asking them a direct question and they ignored me. Family was shocked that they wouldn't answer when I said "I'm sorry, I asked you a question. Someone brought up with decent manners would know to at least answer politely."
It has absolutely changed the way my DH views their behaviors, and really opened up their grandparents' eyes to the things I deal with every weekend. Prior to this, my DH would either stick his head in the sand, make excuses (they're shy - *whatever*), or tell me I just needed to be the adult and smile thru the rudeness. Hell no. These kids are only a few years away from being legal adults, and they have no social graces whatsoever. I hope to heavens they get it before they go out in the "real world", but I don't think it will happen. They will learn the hard way that treating people like this will not have positive results (think bosses, co-workers, etc). I guess they will just have to learn.
Stepaside, You are SO right!
Stepaside, You are SO right! I should have called SD and her husband out on their behavior a long time ago. The situation would not have become as extreme as it did. For decades I thought if I was nice and ignored their rude and nasty behavior they would like me. SD would be a real sweetie in front of DH but when DH was gone would revert to a viscious bitch and snap at or insult me. If I wasn't snapped at I was totally invisible. While the four of us would be together she and her husband would constantly have sideline conversations or whispering, then look at me and laugh. DH seemed oblivous, even blaming me for 'making them uncomfortable'. Just before Christmas the situation had gotten so bad I had no choice but to 'nicely' ask that they please speak up. SD and her husband went ballistic on me, yelling and screaming, accusing me of making them 'uncomfortable', etc. while DH ran outside because he said he didn't want to be in the middle. At one point I thought SD was going to physically attack me. It was a very traumatic time for me, and a VERY shaky time for our marriage but this outburst showed just how much SD hated me. DH could no longer ignore it. It also gave me the strength to quit playing door mat. I asked DH to give me specifics about how I made them uncomfortable. He could not. I told him I could give HIM specifics about how they made ME uncomfortable, that I would no longer be allowing the rudeness and the sadistic games. I will not back down. I am worthy of respect in my own home. I finally realized it doesn't matter how hard I try to be nice a good relationship with SD isn't going to happen. Disengagement has been a total blessing. I am not stopping HD from visting with SD - I just won't be around her.