I dont allow my step mil to see my son bc she treats me son second best bc he is stepgrandson
Let me start with some backstory= My dh met his step mom when he was 7. Just about that time his biomom left the picture. Then his stepmom and dad married when my dh was 9 and his stepmom was pregnant with my dh lil bro. My dh told me he always felt left out. His parents ended up having a girl also right my dh lil brother.. So anyways there were 3 kids by the time my dh was 11. I dont care what anyone says my dh was treated like second best.. They never got him Health Insurance, WTF . Sure the hell didnt pay for college.. And guess what they paid for bothe my my dh half bro and sister to go to college. WTF? Why does my stepmil want to fit the bill of evil stepmom? they never bought him new clothes a car or anything like that. Guess what cars for BIOS!!
So I met my dh 10 years my dh was 22 I was 19. At this time dh parent had been married 13 yrs. When I first started dating my dh he never brought me around his family bc he said that he felt like he didnt fit it in. Well over TIME we started going over there. The first 5 years with my dh my stepmil I kinda and got along. I had no child then and we are ADULTS so its i DIDNT CARE ABOUT THE FAVORTISM!!! I ended up marrying my dh in 2005. And I got pregnant in 2007. This is when everything changed. Once my son was born my stepmil wanted to to be the *****perfect stepgrandma****. HerE is the deal she treats my son like crap and I CANT TAKE IT.. I had no idea what it was like coming into a step fmaily. We started allowing our ds to go for overnight visits. WHEN MY SON WAS 3 and my dh stepmom spanked my son 4 times for getting into her dvds.. WTF MY MIL HAS always bragged and boasted about her NEVER SPANKING HER OWN bio kids and blah blah fucking blah.. then she spanks mine kid. NOT GOING TO HAVE IT !! Okay so I FORGAVE THIS AND MOVED ONE
SIDE NOTE= My dh looked at his step mom as mom. He called her mom and his own bio abondon him ..I have never met her in the 10 yrs we have been together. My dh DOESNT have a bio mom to turn to just his step. okay back to my story xmas 2010/ 2011. My dh lil brother had a kid of his own.. Guess what that kid got showered with presents and my son got an fucking coloring book. Which is fine bc but my son was hurt by this..You hurt my kid you mess with me!@!
SO this is the straw the broke the camels back I lets my inlaws take my son again. This last november. They they promised they would not spank my son anymore. Well my dh stepmom couldnt control herself and she popped my son in the mouth when he shouted.. My son came home and told me that grammy hit him in the face.. SO IM DONE.. They can see my son if i am there but no more visits alone...
am I wrong for this.
DISCLAMIER= I REALIZE THAT NOT ALL STEPMOMS AND GRANDMS ARE LIKE THIS ..I just know mine is.. advice??
This is easy. Confront her
This is easy. Confront her on the inequalities and tell her that you will not allow the child to be with her. Hell no!!!
I wouldnt have forgiven
I wouldnt have forgiven someone who hit my child the first, UNLESS there was a damn good reason for an open palm smack on the bum/hand. NEVER the face/head.
So I think you have given them more than enough chances.
Personally I would be telling your FIL's wife (she doesnt sound like she deserves the title mom or stepmom in all honesty) that considering she is soooo proud of never raising a hand to her children, she has a damn nerve hitting your child not once but twice. When you have told them how inappropriate that was the first time. To hit him in the face is beyond inappropriate and falls into the vicinity of assault. Plus on top of that, playing blatent favourites with gifts for children is cruel and immoral.
If she mentions the fact that your ds is not her bio grandkid hence the reason for not spending her money on him VS her own bio grandkid, then ask her why the hell she felt she had the right to hit a child several times, including in the head (which btw can be dangerous with kids as their skulls are softer than adults), who is apparently no relation to her and therefore has no right to even lift a finger to?!
What does your FIL say about her behaviour? Has DH confronted them over their behaviour towards him and ds? I think he needs to do so, even though its unlikely he will get any sort of satisfactory response from them, I do think its worthwhile in order to provide an opportunity to air these issues, because I am guessing they are piling up and even if he claims to be used to it - it will likely still get to him! I would tell these people what I thought and calmly, coldly polite. Don't lose it as you will have the upper hand and I would cut them off.
No point in your own ds having to endure the same pain and torment your DH has had to during his childhood, its not worth it due to the fact it sounds like whatever you are getting back from them doesnt surmount the stress of dealing with their dysfunctionalism!
I have confronted her several
I have confronted her several times.. Bc my dh is Was really close with this dad.. She is in some major denial..She always refers to my dh as her son this or her son that. Which would be great if that how she felt but she doesnt. My stepmil couldnt hack this sight bc she is living in pretend land. Although her actions say it all. I wrote stepmil an email last night. I said I was sorry for callin her a stepmonster when she popped my son in this face. I said we need space but that I was sorry for my immature words and actions.
Why the hell are you
Why the hell are you apologizing to her? She hit your child!!!! No way, touch my kid and it is game on!!!
My fil is so in love with his
My fil is so in love with his wife he cant see her anything but perfect. I will give it to her she was/is a great mom to her bios. My dh wants us to almost be completely done with them.. Here is the problem my dh LOVES his lil bro and sister and of course they take their moms side. So we dont talk to his parents his bro and sister dont talk to my dh. Things got so bad I Was not invitited to my sil wedding bc I confront mil on her favortism and her denial made me irate. Honestly they downplayed the whole spanking thing. My dh heard about it first then didnt want to mention it to me bc he didnt want the drama. So by then time I Found out about the dvd issue it was months later.
Makes me sad bc my dh feels like he has no family.. Which is why I Have tried and tried til I AM blue in the face to get along and respect stepmil..
Honestly I DONT understand why it is so hard to treat everyone equally.. My dh was not one of these evil stepkids I read about on here. He has been on his own since 18 never asked his parents for a penny. My stepmil doesnt have to deal with jeolously issue bc my dh is male. I think personally she just wanted to have her happy lil bio family and I think she looks at my dh more like nephew/ burden then a stepkid if that makes sense
I have been a lurker on this forum for a long time and reading these posts make me know im not crazy .
Yeah, that's a mess. Wanted
Yeah, that's a mess.
Wanted to point something out, though. Your dh had a dad and a stepmom, who had kids together. SOOOOO MANY TIMES on here, people justify the skid getting slighted because one of the parents is not in the picture, because only one TRUE parent is there to support that child. (In other words, the smom or sdad shouldn't have to support that child...with a car, with college tuition, etc.) So it's possible he didn't get those things because Dad couldn't afford them without biomom being there to help, and the siblings got them because the smom (their biomom) made it possible. I point this out because as smoms, it's okay in our eyes to give/provide only for our biokids, but when you think about the slighted kid growing up and how it looks to him/her, it's different, isn't it?
Yeah, I blame his dad for all
Yeah, I blame his dad for all that stuff, not stepmom. What kind of father doesn't get health insurance for his kid, but insures the other two? Even if it wasn't as much as the other two got, he should have gotten some assistance with college. His dad should have been dividing his resources between all three kids, even if stepmom was only doing for hers.
But some of it may have been that he was a bit older than his half siblings. Finances may have been different. Or dad may have not been intending on doing those things for any of the mired and smom stepped up and did it for hers, and its not like dad can go back in time and make it up to your Dh. The things my sister got (the oldest) and the things my brother got (the.youngest) were wildly different in a lot of situations. Sometimes my sister made out way better than us, as she got the good stuff cause she got there first (she had a car handed to her, I got a bit of help, and my brother was on his own) or my brother made out better cause our mom learned from her experiances with us and we were financially better off (hs graduation present for sister was a $50 check, whereas our little brother got a computer).
But my biosons paternal grandparents are not allowed to be alone with him ever (also Dh's biodad and stepmom). I have recently decided to not visit their home anymore do to the way they treat me and my son, so if they went to see him they will have to come to my home and see him on my terms.
Your right mykids.mom I do
Your right mykids.mom I do think my inlaws justify their favortism bc my dh mom is out of the picture.. My stepmil has thrown this in my face several times.. If you think Im such a horrible stepgrandma why not find bio grandma and chew her out for abondoning your dh.
I feel like saying we are done from seeing them for like 3 years. This sounds horrible but stepmil has hurt me to much that I want to hurt her back. I forgot to mention this in my op but after that pop in the face incident. I will admit I left some nasty messages on her machine calling her stepmonster. And after this they threatened to call cps on us.
This actually wounded my dh Im not sure if he will ever get over this.. Stepmil ended up saying it was just a threat and she wanted to let me know that she thought I was an unstable unfit mom due to my aggressive ** abusive** messages..LOL She is the one who popped my son in the face. Lets not get started on abuse. Please. My dh was hit with the belt by his dad and smacked around.. Lil bro and siste never got spanked.. Dont even get me started on the whole abuse thing.
There was a time I was close with stepmil we belonged to the same womans group at church and she even was in the delievery room when my son was born.
I DUNNO STEPFAMILIES ARE NOT EASY. THANKS FOR LISTEING LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't let that women
I wouldn't let that women near my son.
I understand the college
I understand the college thing. And my dh stepgrandpa actually bought dh is first car..Plus dh really isnt the college type.. He thrives in sales.. With that said back in 2008 we had some issues.. My dh lost his job and i had an infant..Stepmil babysits for her bios sons kid while mom and dad work.(no charge of courss) .I asked at the if she would be willing to watch my son while i worked. The answer was no take him to daycare.
The health insurance thing is what bothered me the most.. When my dh was a teenager he enjoyed riding his skateboard and bike.. And stepmil told hey if you fall and break your arm thats on you not us. This sucks bc stepmil and fil try to act like these perfect christian yet wouldnt feed her scrapes if I WAS starving and on skid row.
Sad thing is I know that as much as I Want to disengage from my inlaws at some point some holiday / birthday / kid being born WHATEVER. The whole lets make peace thing will come up again..I cant do it being around them makes me feel like shit about myself and know it does the more then the same for dh
Hey stepaside I have seen you
Hey stepaside I have seen you around being the lurker that I am .LOL Anyways Hi. Im kinda of familiar with your story with your stepdaughter tatum. Your story rang a bell with me bc most stepmoms havent married that long and from what I know you have been married close to 20 yrs.. My inlaws have been married 23. Your right biomom should have been sterizled..LOL Last time my dh say her was when he was 16 and bio mom was under a bridge prostituting herself out for drugs.. and then before that she saw my dh was around 10 one time . And she sent him a box of condoms at 14. stepmom threw those out. I know bio mom made my stepmil life hell for a period of time..I find it funny bc I Have been compared to my biomil which is supposed to be an insult
Im only 29 so 10 years with my dh is a long hell thats a third of my life .. So i have been around to see some stuff myself.. When I met my dh he wanted to keep his distance from his family. I remember when I was just was sleeping over at dh house(he was my boyfriend at the time). His parents stopped by his house and I asked why dont you spend time with them. He said I dont fit in. Im the one that encouraged him to go over there for family dinners. It was my idea that we move closer to them so they can see their grandchild.
I want to address this comment **there is not reason to expect stepmil to love dh = to bio's. Okay I agree with that fully . With that said I confronted stepmil in 2008 and I SAID JUST ADMIT IT YOU DONT LOVE C( my dh) as much as you do your bios.. She goes your Wrong ..Your VERY wrong he is MY SON!! So for the last 3yrs I have had to hear her say my son this and my son that.. Seriously when she says my son it makes me want to barf. I swear this wouldnt have been that big of deal to me if she didnt want to Play Games. Another thing is when my dh was in his tween years. Stepmil diciplinced my dh ALOT ..He would Be grounded for months on end.. So if she is going to have rights has real mom.. She needs to work on her favortism. stepmil wanted to look good to her inlaws(my dh grandparents). Whom now have passed away recently but they loved my dh with all their heart.
I also agree that stepmil had some redeeming qualities. If she would have just been an awful person and never cared at all . that would have made this so much easier for me. On a side note I KNOW Im an emotional person. Stepmil helped my dh graduate from highschool ..Going into his teachers and begging them to let him do extra credit.. So i know she was NOT ALL HORRIBLE
I know I was wrong to leave those mean messages.. I know that and I have said I was sorry.
If it makes any difference she struck my son in the face when she has never hit her bio/ kids or grandkid. At the time it was mean but I felt like she was a typical stepmonster. My dh has been tainted by the whole cps things. They let us believe they were going to call for like 3 days. Then said oh we didnt mean it we were just trying to get your attention and let you know your abusive behavior was wrong.
So who is play games now? RIGHT?
I also want to add that I
I also want to add that I myself have been shunned and alienated by his family. When my dh'S sister got married in 2009. I WAS NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING Yup that right not invited.. And I was yes hurt but I supported my dh and son going without me..Granted that was a very depressing day for me..I drank like 2 bottles of wine and past out around 6pm.. Anyways my stepinlaws have said im not allowed in there house before. It wasnt after the cps, and 2 incidents of stepmil putting her hands on my baby that I said hey im done you guys dont get to be grandparents. We are taking a break..Plus I DONT trust stepmil I feel like she wants to find a reason to make me out to a bad mom. Which there is one thing I know about myself. I AM A GOOD MOM.