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I AM SO UPSET! PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!

Gravity's picture

The last time I posted was on March 13, 2015, The thread title was "I could kick myself in the ass!". The month after I posted that, I found out that my husband had cancer, and passed away on June 10th of this year. He fought the Beast (that is the nickname for esophageal cancer), but we knew it was just a matter of time. He couldn't work for over two years so we depended on his pension and social security to make ends meet. The medical and travel expenses were astronomical. It wasn't until he passed away that I went into his office and found over $100,000. in credit card bills, some of them in my name. On top of our mortgage payment, that left me with almost $400,000. in debt. I don't get his pension and I am not eligible to receive his SS for two years. I have a small pension of my own that will pay half the mortgage payment every month. So, as you see, I am in deep you-know-what! Okay, now the good news. My husband finds out through a friend that he may be able to be awarded compensation from the Dept of Labor for his illness. He files the paperwork and is awarded $150,000. My husband didn't want me to tell anyone, including the kids, about this money because he said I was going to need it. He left everything to me in his will, but told me he would like his son to have his rifle/gun collection, which is worth a lot of money. Then another letter came stating that he may be able to be awarded up to $250,000. more. So this letter came about three weeks before he passed away. I told him if I do get that money, I would give the children something (I didn't know the debt we were in at the time). He told me not to be too generous because I was going to need the money. The evening before he passed, his son comes from NC. He wasn't in the door two hours and he is staking claim on our possessions. I caught him in lies, for example, telling me he wants my antique tractor because he goes way back with the "old man" and has a lot of memories. It was impossible because I bought the tractor with my money. That's just one of many lies. His father gave him a Harley worth of $10,000. before we moved to VT and he ended up selling it. He also lives in a development and has no use for a farm tractor. We had a huge argument because he feels the guns are a "given", not part of inheritance. Since my husband passed away, the Dept of Labor will only award his surviving spouse $125,000. but now they are saying that my SS is getting half of that because he is a disabled veteran and can't support himself. BTW, the day before my husband passed away, my SS got wind of this possible settlement and called a lawyer friend of my husbands. What I am upset about is that my SS is getting 100% disability pay and up until last year his wife was getting caregivers payments every month. He wasn't hurt in the service but somehow was able to play the system to his benefit. I have been with his father for 16 years and I am not aware of him ever fighting for his country. He also works off-the-books and pays no taxes. He is a alcoholic, drug addict and womanizer. Does anyone have any advise that would help me. Does it sound like I'm being greedy. I hope not...I am just hoping I can keep my head above water. My SS has been given a lot of money from his father and his grandmother over the years. His sister is very wealthy and has paid both his children's college educations. I do have some ideas, like writing to my senator. I do have a lawyer, but I don't think she will look beyond what is written in black and white.

Rags's picture

My condolences on the loss of your husband.

As for the rest.... I would say your best bet is a vicious offense. Get a killer shark attorney, bare the toxic thieving SS's ass and put his ass in prosion for fraud if you can.

Anything that you own outright make sure it is securely locked up, get now trespassing signs clearly posted around your property, notify the Sheriff's department of the thieving relative and ask them to patrol regularly. Put a remote control access gate on the entry to your property and do not give anyone the code or a remote except for emergency services.

When you speak to your attorney be sure to ask what relief you may have under Injured Spouse statutes. Those may give you some relief from the debt he accrued without your knowledge. It works for spouses who are victimized by tax cheat spouses.

No, you are not being greedy. If the guns or any other assets are not specifically left to your Skids.... then you don't have to give them those items.

If SS violates your no trespassing signs.... }:) You have a gun collection.... use it.

Monchichi's picture

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have no advice living in a different country. I lost everything when my fiancé died and I got through it, as will you ((hugs))

Gravity's picture

Thank you for taking the time to write back to me. In answer to some of the replies.... HRNYC, I don't mind downsizing, but I think I will have problem selling the house because it is in a very rural area. It will take time. To everyone that mentioned claiming bankruptcy, that would be my last resort. I would like to avoid that if possible. Sueu2, my husband is being awarded this money because he worked at a gov't run laboratory years ago and they feel his cancer was caused by his exposure to radiation.

Icansorelate's picture

So, go see a really good attorney and financial advisor. Wouldn't the settlement be part of his estate? If so, the estate has to settle debts before money can be distributed? Make sure you find out if this is true, then SS is not entitled to anything if no money is left.

Did your DH also not have a will? Is that why you are being told SS gets some of the money? Again, the debts should be paid out of the estate before anything is distributed.

If your DH also left you without a will then wow, he REALLY screwed you.

I also agree with Rags- there is no reason for SS to be anywhere near your home and he can contact you via your lawyer.

You may also have to consider bankrupcty and you may want to do that as a FIRST resort if the bills will not be settled out of your DH's estate.

I am so sorry, what an awful positon you have been put in.

sammigirl's picture

I am very sorry for your loss. Your loss, alone, is difficult enough to deal with. Begin, by running your SS off; tell him all debts will be paid, all assets will be sold to pay the debts, including your property. You can get a restraining order on him, if necessary, to keep him away from you and your property.

If your DH worked for the gov't, why didn't he set up his retirement to go to you? For sure look into the exposure to radiation extensively. Be aware of attorney fees also. I would sit down with a financial advisor on your debts and attempt to sell everything, to avoid bankruptcy; sometimes bankruptcy cannot be avoided.

So sorry!

((((hugs))))

sandye21's picture

^^^THIS!!!^^^ I am also sorry for your loss. Please do as Sammi advises. You are in a vulnerable state right now. You do not need SS snooping around and adding to the stress. Then consult and attorney and financial advisor. Many senior centers can help you with your selection and possible reduced cost. (((HUGS)))