So don't talk to your husband about it. Tell SD she is out in one week since she has failed to fulfill her commitments made prior to moving in. Take a ton of pics of her pig sty and video clip her hellion spawn.

One week. Then out. She is out whether she wants to go or not and whether she packs her crap or not. If she does not move it... it goes on the curb for garbage pick up.

No quarter, no discussion, no negotiation, just out.  One week.  Done.

If your DH mentions it... remind him that "I can’t talk to my husband about it because it upsets him. He feels sorry for her".

You are angry at the wrong person - DH is the one allowing this to happen in your home.

Again she is living with you and again she is not upholding her part of the bargain. Yes it sucks for DH that his daughter is a PITA and not able to function well in the adult world with the decisions she's made but you should not have to suffer for that. 

Because she has been given a second chance, and because she is not upholding her end of the deal she needs to go.  I'd give her 30 days notice and let her and DH know this is firm. If DH feels so bad for her he can get another job or work overtime to help her out.  

I totally get adult children needing help sometimes and even moving home temporarily, BUT they have to abide by the rules just like any other adult renter would.  My ds22 lives in my basement and it was awful at first because he felt entitled to live there rent free and he was a bit of a slob.  Fast forward almost a yr later and things are great. He pitches in and pays his fair share. It's actually nice having him here because I have a built in house, pet and babysitter.  After his initial brattiness I sat him down and looked at ads for apts, rooms etc and he realized he has a sweet deal here. 

On the step side, when ss was 29 he moved in and out for several months. I was okay with it at first thinking he would be a help with yard work and DH's side business.  HA HA HA!!! Jobless, stoned and entitled, he laid around for months demanding that I cook and shop for him. I was supposed to be quiet and tip toe through the house in the daytime when he was passed out on the futon. Needless to say this didn't last long and DH and I almost divorced over it.  DH knows that he can never move in or stay, "just one night" because he's "homeless" ever again. We have an agreement that ss will be put up in a short term stay hotel at our expense for 2 weeks but that is it.  

I totally feel for you and I feel for your DH that his daugher is a FTL, but the gal has got to grow up sometime.  

Eventually, after being kicked out, she will learn to take care of herself. Hopefully.

I can’t imagine having three children and no way to support them, not to mention three children with loser guys.

Is her degree marketable? Maybe not a good question since this is the second chance gone wrong. I agree you should kick her out. Poor kids. But they are not yours!

Your angry & bitter and you don't know how to get past it. You wont get passed it as long as you have to pay the consequences for your step-daughters bad choices. She has made HER problem YOURS and will continue to do so as long as she is allowed. She has had her chances and 2nd chances with multiple people and has not taken advantage of these opportunites to get on her feet and take care of HER responsibilites nor has she appreciated the sacrifice made on her behalf.

You are not the bad guy here. Your DH is!!!

Don't know if it would help but I once wrote my dh a letter (because I felt we could not discuss it and stay on point) explaining exactly how I felt and exactly what I wanted.  Just a thought. Don't know if it would work for you or not.

Good luck

I have an adult stepdaughter from a previous marriage and we are able to discuss the good and the bad and have a good relationship. I remarried and gained 2 adult stepchildren from my second husband. My husband/stepdaughter filed for divorce. I work at a law firm as well as have spoken with therapists, doctors, pastors and lawyers a few years after my second marriage. I did everything that was advised by those professionals. All of the divorce paperwork was completed by my stepdaugher. My husband is/was an alcoholic and very ill with other diseases because of it. Without going into ALL of the details, I wish I had followed this website more to see that there were/are so many of us out there. It is up to the DH to handle his children, to some point; although I was "nice" to all involved, it did not matter because she had Daddy Issues and he had Daughter Issues.

Having been in your situation, I can tell you the ONLY approach is to take control.  You will be the “bad guy” but so what.  It is your home and you need this woman out.  Eventually she may even learn how strong women behave.

If she's working fulltime she should be able to afford her own place now.  Turn off the cable and internet.  Make her uncomfortable.

Read the blog of NoWireHangers. She is a complete sweetheart, very caring, and has learned the hard way that she has to toughen up because people mistake her kindness for weakness and try to use/exploit her.

There are some people out there who just won't help themselves. People of bad character and bad habits who grift to get by, and their superpower is their ability to fool others into enabling them.  NWH took in such a woman, a family friend with kids who seemed to have fallen on hard times. NWH's daughter gave up her bedroom so that this woman, her kids, and their dogs could have it. Within days, all the house rules, agreements, and promises made were out the window and this bunch was wreaking havoc and making disgusting messes all over the house. It took NWH months to get those dysfunctional people out, and then had to deal with the expensive hazmat situation they created. Ugh.

Helping another human is a complicated thing. There's a thin line between gratitude and resentment and no matter what you do, this woman is going to play the victim. Gird your loins, prepare for blowback from both her and your H, and tell her she has thirty days to move. Stick to the facts: the arrangement just isn't working for you and her dad, you live very differently from her and aren't compatible as housemates. No emotion, no accusations,  no sign of weakness. Then have the hard convo with your H. Tell him you both know this can't work, and offer him the carrot of giving her a sum of money to help her to independence. Part of him wants her gone too, and this might assuage his guilt on the subject. Be prepared for his daughter to try to play Daaddee against you, but stand firm. She'll find another sap somewhere.

Never allow loser/users into your life - no matter what their DNA connection may be.

Simple, direct and to the point.