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Giving Gifts to Adult Skids

Miss-Step's picture

How do you get it through the skull of a married SD27 that parents aren’t going to give her expensive gifts for her birthday?

DH and I spent $9K on her wedding last summer. For Christmas, while she and her new husband exchanged a tremendous amount of gifts on each other, in front of the rest of the family members, the couple gave DH a burned music CD (illegal) and me a Costco nutcracker. They claimed they had no money – but history with SD27 has shown that she is cheap to everyone, except herself.

Her birthday is coming up and she texted DH that she would like an ipod for her present? Really, who in the world does she think she is? I saw the text on DH’s phone and thought about deleting it before he read it– but I told him first what it said; then deleted it (I was reading his text to him as his hands were covered with goo-he had not seen SD’s text – no tricks or games of reading his cell phone secretly).

I am happy to say DH just kind of laughed it off and said ‘we don’t buy those kinds of gifts for the kids’ (have 3 adult Skids, 1 almost-adult BD). But I know DH will not come right out and tell her she is out of line. He will sugar coat the whole thing if the conversation comes up.

So while the DH is in agreement and this isn’t going to happen, I am trying to think a cleaver way to tell this SD27-nit-wit that we don’t bank roll her every whim, especially since she is married. If she wants and expensive gift have her husband buy it for her.

Any thoughts?

ybarra357's picture

"I am trying to think a cleaver way to tell this SD27-nit-wit that we don’t bank roll her every whim"

IMO since she texted your DH about this gift, it needs to come from him. Your DH needs to man up, grow a spine and tell her.

sandye21's picture

^^^ I agree^^^. You really don't have to say anything to her. If he doesn't want to get her expensive presents anymore it's his job to tell her. Since he probably won't tell her, she'll find out when she doesn't get the Ipod. If she whines about it to you, tell her you have nothing to do with it and to see her Father.

thefunmommy's picture

YOU guys spent $9K on HER wedding? That's more than what my mom's ENTIRE wedding cost 2 years ago. I'd be telling her that spending that much on her wedding IS her present for every holiday for the next dozen years or so.

Miss-Step's picture

That is how I felt. She was clueless to all the arrangements and time the whole family took to make the day special - she was a bride-zilla. Her husband did most of the arrangements - and she went along with everything with a "Okay" - "yeah" - "okay" She didn't even know what flavor her wedding cake was.. WHen I asked she said she didn't know she'd have to ask her fiance.

twopines's picture

Unfortunately, there's probably no clever way to make this adult SD understand. Maybe he can do what my DH does and text back something like "that's nice". At least he's not giving in! Smile

old-blue-eyes's picture

The nerve of sd to ask for an expensive gift from dh that's ridiculous. She is now a GROWN adult and married to boot, let her new husband buy her the luxuries that she wants but doesn't need. lol (still & always will be a spoiled brat)
Your last sentence in your paragraph answered the obvious...

buttercookie's picture

Hmmm I think she must think her dad is loaded with cash just to blow on her. Gifts for adults? We give a card and a gift card to apple bees or a similar restaurant.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

ha ! That's a good one. Asking for a specific expensive item as a birthday gift from anyone is tacky in my opinion. I wouldn't bother with an answer at all. I don't think the request warrants a reply. My SD used to ask for expensive gifts too, but not for herself but for her children - DH's grand kids. The gifts were paid by both myself and DH in the past - I have disengaged so the budget is substantially lower on my end these days. If she mentioned the expensive gift to me directly, i would just say boy that's awfully expensive isn't it? Then she would have to come up with a response to that. Usually the request ended right then and there.

Miss-Step's picture

ROFL- IFoot in her IAss. I love it! I needed that! And clearly, noone has said "NO" enough to Skids that they feel the can continue to ask. HHhhmmmm - who's fault is that? Thanks again!

caregiver1127's picture

Wrap up that F*cking Costco Nutcracker and put a picture of an Ipod in its mouth and re-gift it to her. I hate when adult kids ask for anything. I have never taken a penny from my parents they are poor and I usually was the one giving them money and gifts. God when the hell does the sh*t end in our lives. Tell her to stuff it and I disagree with the poster above if your DH does not have the balls to say no then you need to - you two are a united unit and she needs to realize that when she tries to sneak around and gets things from DH she is taking from you as well - of course she wrote to your DH because she knows he has no balls.

caregiver1127's picture

^^^^^^^^^^Like This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

planningMyEscape's picture

WOW. I am 28, and my birthday is next week, and I will be more than happy if my dad remembers to call and wish me a Happy Birthday. NEVER, in a million years, would I ask for something like that. She sounds like a spoiled rotten brat. I hope your DH sends her a card, and nothing more!!!

sunnyside's picture

"Appeasing any grown entitlement queen" Funny! I couldn't agree more. My DH "complains" that married SD24 is spoiled but when he heard that her stove doesn't bake cookies evenly, he suggested we buy this well-off couple a new one. Mind you, this is after he has complained lately of being short of cash. (He makes a great living and is contributing the max. allowed to his retirement). He made this little suggestion 4 days ago, and I am still galled!!

Miss-Step's picture

Thank you everyone for your comments. While I know DH will not be buying SD27 an "I-anything", I also know he won't have the balls to say to her, "we don't spend that kind of money on birthday gifts." It will be just another thing swept under the rug and AVOIDED.

Last year when we gave her $30 cash to cover the cost of having a manicure and pedicure. You should have seen her shocked face - it was like she couldn't believe we didn't "give her ANYTHING"

This is the same girl who asked her grandmother to give her a mixer for her wedding (I'm talking Kitchen-Aid) AFTER the grandmother bought the girl her wedding gown. It just shocks me she can be so self-absorbed and wonder why she feels so entitled.

Someday, this Prima Donna is going down and not getting up.