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Detachment is the:

Mominator's picture

* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.

* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.

* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.

* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.

* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.

* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.

* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.

* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.

* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.

* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.

* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.

* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.

* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."

* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

PrincessFiona's picture

Absolutely Awesome post !!! It's nice to hear detachment described with positive attributes.

duct_tape's picture

But my idea of detaching is ignore the little jerk cuz he gets on my nerves. Just sayin'. }:)

Maxesmommy's picture

Wow, I finally feel free, I can completely detach from SD, never have to worry about her taking my power and hurting me anymore. I think to detach and remain distant from each other physically and emotionally will be the best solution. We've never like each other from the beginning and I don't see it changing now, 14 years later, she has her family, I have mine, my DH can go see her but I still will not allow my DS who is 3 to be emotionally damaged by her and her 9 month old whom she thinks is soooooo much better than my kid...anyway, thanks, I needed that and I now feel free!!!!!