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Dear Prudence recommends Daughter Sue Father for refusing to pay for law school!

Pilgrim Soul's picture

I think she should go straight to the International Tribunal in the Hague to say her filial rights have been undermined and her life ruined by this unnecessary law degree!

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/06/dear_prudence_m...

Dear Prudie,
I graduated from law school several years ago and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I had allowed my parents to persuade me of their dream for me — becoming an attorney. Law school was hell, academically and socially. I was miserable and filed the necessary paperwork to leave. My father told me that if I completed law school that he would pay all the loans I took out. I believed him because he had paid for college and he also showed me some of his accounts to ensure that he would be able to pay without bankrupting himself. I resumed classes and upon graduation, when I inquired about loan repayments, my father said that he never intended to pay, that he lied to me to get me to finish school, and that I was on my own. He stated that there was nothing I could do because there was no contract (obviously a major mistake on my end) and no witnesses, and he doesn’t care what I have to deal with. I am disgusted that he has no remorse and is so smug at getting away with deceiving me. I now have twice the debt I would have if I had I left school. How do I get over this betrayal?

—Resentful Daughter

Dear Daughter,
It may be time for you to review your contract law textbook. I actually ignored my own father’s advice that I go to law school, so to find out what legal recourse you may have, I contacted Randy Barnett, a contracts professor at Georgetown Law. It turns out that famous Samuel Goldwyn quotation is basically right: “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it was written on.” (As Barnett notes, for precision, the quote should be “oral” contract; I note that apparently Goldwyn never even said it.). Because you failed to get this agreement in writing, Barnett says your father would be correct that you have no claim. But Barnett adds that if you have, say, an email trail with your father documenting that he offered to pick up the tab in return for your sticking it out at law school, you might be have grounds to initiate a breach of contract suit. I know that suing your own father is not an ideal way to celebrate Father’s Day, nor is it likely to improve your relationship with him, but it certainly would impress upon him that you indeed are able to find a practical use for your law degree.

Barnett also suggested that a threat of a suit, which would require your father to hire a lawyer, might be enough to shake out some of that money he promised you. What your father did is indefensible, but if you simply want to find some way to make peace with what happened, you have to accept that your father misled you out of a belief that a law degree would make your future safe and secure. Yes, thousands of young J.D.s can tell you that they might have had better luck spending their tuition money at Vegas, but ultimately, the decision to continue was yours. If you are gainfully employed, and especially if your job is related to your degree, then take comfort that you are slowly working your way out of debt. Whether your father can ever work his way back into your heart is not something they teach in law school.

—Prudie

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Law school is certainly NOT the ONLY joke these days.

Raising children who never take personal responsibility for anything speaks of
a moral bankruptcy that will make financial ruination pale in comparison.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Two wrongs do not make a right... he may be the world's worst, most controlling father but the remedy suggested
is worse than the problem. Is the answer to take him to court? Has the world gone mad?

She has a degree that will easily bring her hundreds of thousand of dollars. A healthy way to deal with her daddy issues would be to pull up her socks, pass the bar and offer her services to all the BMs out there who are out to bleed their ex-husbands dry. She'll show men how to refuse to pay! She could add Pay for Law Schol clause to every divorce agreement from here to Timbuktu.

THAT's getting even... Smile

frustratedstepdad's picture

Yeah but the reason why a lot of them are working at Target is because they refuse to work someplace else. Even if she doesn't get hired by a law firm she can still get a good job. Sorry but any kid who tries to sue their parents over paying for school is a LOSER. Yes the dad is a POS, but taking him to court makes her one too.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Absolutely! I am in a large metropolitan area and i could find her a job with a law firm in under 10 minutes. It will not be the most meaningful job, but it will more than pay the bills. She does not want to litigate? She can go into teaching with her JD, for crying out loud. She did not spend the last 3 years in Sing Sing. She got something out of it. It is time to quit whining.

Ladyface, we all have gripes against each other, but never in a million years would i think of taking anyone i was related to to court. It is beyond pale. It is an offense worse than the dad's "crime".

If you see it as an acceptable solution, I would be very worried if i were your family member.

whatamess's picture

I hope you didn't post this to say that the daughter is wrong?? She and her father had an agreement. He said he would pay if she finished. She held up her end and he's reneging on his. That's wrong on every level. It's not like he said he'd pick up dinner and then backed out. This is a huge financial burden. I hope she has a good job to pay this off and I would write off her no good POS dad.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Well, that's another hope dashed, whatamess! I posted this to say i find it disgusting that a mainstream advice columnist seriously suggests taking your father to court as a remedy. The daughter needs to grow up, and Prudie needs to consider the broader effects of having an entire generation grow up entitled and narcissistic enough to seriously sue their parents.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I'm with you, Pilgrim. By the time one is in law school, the law considers you an adult. Adults all over the planet come to grips with the true personalities of their parents as real people, not the omnipotent beings we perceive in childhood, without going to court.

Adults also have power over their career choices and higher education commitments. At that age, my mother was pressuring me to become a travel agent. I laughed her off as I had no interest whatsoever in that. Letter writer could have done the same as millions of other young adults do.

When the letter writer filled out the financial aid forms, did she check the box that says "My daddy will pay for this so it's not really my contract." Of course not 'cuz there is no such box.

Yes, parents can be frustrating and adulthood brings some unexpected lessons about who they really are. But apparently hers raised her to go to college AND paid for that. Maybe she could trade her dad in for one of those that disappears at the first mention of pregnancy or one that forces her to quit high school at 16 so she can put fast-food cashier wages into the family till.

This young woman has a lot to be grateful for and just a small bit to be resentful about. Why is she wallowing in the resentment and not basking in the gratitude. Yes, Pilgrim, I get you and I'm with you.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Thank you, Chief! Glad to hear you are with me.

You make a very good point. Why is she not wallowing in gratitude for having her Bachelor's covered?
I think we all know the answer.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Actually they are BOTH wrong, not just the dad. If she didn't really want to be a lawyer, she didn't have to go back to school. No one held a gun to her head, even if she did feel pressured into doing it.

Shitty move by the dad, but ultimately it was her decision to finish law school. Also even if she doesn't actually go into law, the law degree will probably come in handy and may eventually open doors to upper management for whatever field she is in. Sometimes you have to look at the big picture instead of just looking for an immediate gain.

Shaman29's picture

I'm a bit shocked Prudence would advise her to file suit, after hearing only one side of the story.

That being said....if any of that letter is true, then she's a nitwit. She took out loans on her own to study in a field she disliked? Why not study something that interested her, especially since it appears she originally took out the school loans on her own?

She's blaming her parents for a decision she made. I doubt they put a gun to her head and said "Study law or we'll disown you." It wasn't as though they were planning on paying for her schooling in the first place.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Is this Prudence the real deal? Geez Louise, telling the daughter to sue her father? Okay, she doesn't like the law as a profession, BUT I bet that she learned a lot, even at law school, that will help her in future jobs and life.

Like many adults these days, they want to blame all their unhappiness and poor choices on their parents. To this I say to them, GROW UP and GET A LIFE.

Newimprvmodel's picture

I can't laugh over this stuff because dh has been sued multiple times by his kids, and likely will face a law suit for grad school. Although the way things are looking in the Middle East right now, her safety could be threatened? Which dh is beside himself with worry, and is tempted to contact his ex to express just that. I think he is hoping she contacts him for father 's day.......wishful dreaming. But seriously, would you want your kid in the Middle East right now, within 25 miles of syrian border?