Big fight: Hubby going to SD wedding without me
Hi all, am seething. I posted here a while ago about me not being invited to stepdaughters wedding. You gave great advice and suggested hubby compromise and not go to reception. Last night he tells me theres no compromise: he is going to wedding without me and will party all night. I feel so destrspected. We had a huge fight and talked divorce / theres been lotsa crap since we married a few months ago like his obsession with two women: a coworker and someone he cheated on me with. We had planned a European honeymoon next month now I feel like I hate him and dont want to go at all except that I already paid for my nontefundable ticket. It may be too late for our marriage, part of me doesnt care anymore / all he does it seems is disrespect and verbally and emotionally abuse me / any advice, thoughts/ hugs? Need you! Thx. .
I'm assuming there is a
I'm assuming there is a strain in the relationship with his daughter- hence why you weren't invited to the wedding.
He's cheated.
He's obsessed with women other then his wife.
He's verbally abusive.
He's emotionally abusive.
My advice- DIVORCE!
(((HUGS)))
Squeegie, you've got much
Squeegie, you've got much bigger issues than just SD wedding invitations (or not).
Based on your last comments, it seems you are essentially in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage. If I were you, I'd plan on going to Europe alone. Tell your DH that it is a chance for you to review the choices you've made in life, to include marrying him.
Then go. Without him.
Completely agree with Echo.
Completely agree with Echo.
Repeat after me: Toxic
Repeat after me: Toxic aholes should be removed from your life. Rinse and repeat until it sinks in.
Absolutely agree you need to
Absolutely agree you need to get away from this guy... but, as a "parting gift" you might want to lob a comment like "Wow, DH, you are certainly setting a good example for your daughter on what it means to have love, respect, regard for your spouse on her WEDDING DAY. Great message, pal! See ya!"
Golden advice: ""Wow, DH, you
Golden advice: ""Wow, DH, you are certainly setting a good example for your daughter on what it means to have love, respect, regard for your spouse on her WEDDING DAY. . . ."
Thank you! How this whole
Thank you! How this whole thing should have gone down is...
DH: You were very hurtful in not inviting my wife who I love and who's life is happily enmeshed with mine and, believe it or not, benefits yours to your wedding.
IF {DD says 'Sorry Dad, I didn't know it meant that much to you, please tell your wife it was an oversight and we'd love to have her';
DD apologizes to Dad's wife;
Sends wedding invitation;
Everyone behaves at the wedding and lives happily ever after
}
ELSE {DD says 'Dad, ain't gonna happen.... blah blah blah';
DH says 'Hope you have a nice wedding, dear; My wife and I will look forward to seeing the pictures since we'll be unable to attend'
}
ENDIF
Looks like someone has a
Looks like someone has a coding background...
YEP!
YEP!
I would go forward with the
I would go forward with the trip and make it your own trip. Look into things to do with a guide, get your own Suite, and visit a spa, etc.
Don't include him in any of it. You are going to have to start over, just as well be on this trip.
If my DH ever cheated on me, he would be homeless. My SD is another issue, which "I" am handling, because he won't handle the fat brat, he never will, and I was tired of their BS; so now SD is in my claws and out of DH's arms. }:)
You have to take control and set boundaries; step up and protect yourself. Start with putting funds in your name only.
i know this well about sds
i know this well about sds and weddings. but you have other issues to address in your marriage.
please see this site
https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/
abusive men start the abuse of their wives when they think they are lacking control. control drives a lot of abusive men. almost 100 percent of the time these men are horribly in secure men.
when sd was getting married some years ago dh was so stressed out he started acting like a jerk to me. of course i fought back. then he said he was cancelling my plane ticket and barring me from being at the wedding.
i said, fine. i wont go. go ahead and grin like an idiot as the father of the new bride and sit there next to your ex - the woman who cheated on you and took the skids, married her lover and forced you into depression - - and her husband. go ahead and enjoy your trip.
hugs to you dear. please see that link above.
Love this one too: "go ahead
Love this one too: "go ahead and grin like an idiot as the father of the new bride and sit there next to your ex - the woman who cheated on you and took the skids. . . ." At my SD's wedding, it was set up where I didn't exist and mom and dad were still married, including mom and dad walking down the aisle together. Mom had the audacity to bring a man, her old boss, along as a date--the same guy she had been cheating with on their father years ago. Wedding pictures were only allowed of what mom wanted, which meant I wasn't in any of them. Eventually, I did wind up in a couple of them, because DH insisted, but when DH asked for those, we never received them. There was more, but that's enough to get the point. Neither my husband nor I had any idea this was how the entire event was going to get set up.
So, a couple of years later when my SS got engaged, DH had a long talk with him (one he should have had years ago) about what really happened in the marriage to his mother and why it ended, etc. DH even told them about how this man, let's call him Manny, and their mom were involved and cheating behind his back. He stated he didn't feel comfortable going to his son's wedding, because he figured it would wind up pretty much the same as the last one--with BM calling all of the shots. DH's son and his fiancé said they understood, and all parted well.
So, fast-forward a couple of months, and DH and I set up a time to look at wedding pictures with them, their photo album, hopefully get a couple of pictures and discuss the big day. My DH was earlier told by his DD that Manny would not be attending. Well, to make a long story short, we are looking through the wedding album, and what do we see!? We see DH's ex- and Manny at SS's wedding sitting next to each other and in several photos together, including ones that are in their album. All like everything is A-OK.
Moral of the story: You can be legitimately married to your DH for years and years and BM can still come along and usurp you as DH's one and only or primary wife. No one will say a word. BUT, if BM wants to bring her boyfriend along to her child's wedding, a man that she was cheating with while still married to their father, that is just fine. Click-click, pictures everywhere of BM, BM's boy-toy and bride and groom suitable for the photo-album. But, no pictures of dad and his wife of 15 years allowed.
AND, that in a nutshell is how incredibly, asininely backwards a SM's world is. From now on in the future, I'll have no problem letting DH attend alone and sit with his ex- and the man she used to not only cuckold him, but also one they seem okay with in their life. If DH can't stand up to his ex- or adult SKs, then those three can all hang out together, looking absolutely ridiculous. I have no problem with that. I just wonder what the SGKs will be told later. "Oh, look. Here are our wedding pictures. Here is grandma and the guy she was cheating with while still married to grand-dad. And, here is a picture of grand-dad right in-between grandma and Manny. Don't they make a cute threesome?"
in the end dh was bluffing
in the end dh was bluffing and he never had canceled my plane ticket.
dh and mine (as mrs dh) were on the invitation as dh was paying for 99.8% of the wedding.
at the ceremony bm sat next to her husband and dh sat next to me. it worked out well but i wonder if the marriage will last. sd is very volatile.
Bluffing about canceling a
Bluffing about canceling a plane ticket is a real jerk move. I would have let him go alone after that!
Go on the vacation and enjoy
Go on the vacation and enjoy yourself. There are plenty of day tours and other things you can see. You don't need this jerk. You're too good for this. (((HUGS)))
Do I smell an Eat Pray Love
Do I smell an Eat Pray Love tour?
Ditch the hubby. Go on the vaca.
He's already cheated on you and is still acting shady? No thanks.
Ditch the dick. Seriously. He
Ditch the dick. Seriously. He doesnt give a flying fart about you...he only cares about himself. Be free and happy rather than be treated like shit by your own hubby. He doesnt deserve you..so send him on his way and tell him never, ever return.
Every one already said your
Every one already said your marriage is over.... I'm going over to the honeymoon holiday already paid... not refundable... after you kicked his ass out or leave yourself, see if you can change the names of the holiday... his name to a good friends name, or if you can change it to a single person only.......
still do the holiday even if it's on your own and belief me on this holiday you will realize that your marriage is over and it is totally okay... enjoy the holiday
She is a SM. There is no
She is a SM. There is no fraud involved here. If she has a PhD, she has a PhD. I can't tell you how many authors have basically matchbook PhDs and throw that title all over the place. No one seems to go after those authors.
But, I do agree that general society does think that everyone knows how to be a SM, other than a SM. This is why, for example, SS's girlfriend of only three months will come over to dad and SMs house and treat SM like shiatsu, because as far as society is concerned, SS's girlfriend knows more and has more authority than SM, even in SM's own home.
By the way, I have a Master's degree in English and an undergraduate degree in Sociology, so if you go by what you say--only those deemed worthy have the right to publish or comment, then I should be on that list. Personally, I would take the word of someone with actual experience being a SM any day over that of a learned, educated person with a psychology degree, but with no SM experience, claiming that SMs should be doing such and such.
I'll tell you why. As a sociologist, I have studied many ethnic groups. I can tell you about this group and that group. But, as a white person, I would never in a million years go around trying to claim that I knew what is was like to be a black person in American society. Even a three year old African American would have more of an idea of what it is like to be black in America than I ever would, no matter how much I may study. Wednesday Martin is a SM and that is where her true experience lies.
A large part of graduate work
A large part of graduate work is learning how to conduct research, despite what field your dissertation emphasis. I am getting an EdD in higher ed and many classes have been in how to properly conduct research, planning, quantitative statistics, etc.
Such a statement that Martin is using her PhD title fraudulently is ignorant.
I can't believe that your
I can't believe that your husband allowed his daughter to exclude his wife from the wedding. I guess the only reason I can think that this might be slightly "ok" is if the stepmother had treated the child terribly or if there had been some huge dust up. Perhaps the new wife was who broke up her parent's marriage? In that case.. I can think maybe...
But, with all the other stuff mentioned, I am leaning towards agreeing with everyone else. Watch the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"... then go live it.
So he cheated on you and he
So he cheated on you and he is obsessed with her and ANOTHER woman. But you are livid about not being invited to his kids wedding?
I am being totally serious when I say that you need to see a counselor asap. This is all kind of backwards and you need help to figure it out. IMHO. Good luck.
So, so sorry for your
So, so sorry for your pain.
"Disappearing" you from the wedding is awful. He is treating you in a way he would never ask of or expect from anyone else - treating you worse than he would treat anyone else - BECAUSE that is what his daughter wants. The way he is treating you depends on what someone else demands. With that alone, you can never feel secure in this relationship.
Now add in the infidelity.
So you need to decide if you can exist in a relationship with no security, no fidelity, and no truth.
The trip is a "sunk cost" so go or don't go - either way the money is gone.
Go talk to an attorney and a counselor and get your facts and emotions in order. Information is power and you can then plan your way forward.
Taking bets ... how many
Taking bets ... how many think that we won't hear a squeek out of Squeegie again?
whats the odds..... hey I
whats the odds.....
hey I have to know how much to bet... or are we just going for a virtual bottle of wine?
Whooo! Now them's some good
Whooo! Now them's some good stakes to throw on the table! :-)0
I bet a virtual bottle of Vodka and will throw in a bottle of Cosmo mix!
fine.. I'm in.... I will
fine.. I'm in....
I will match your bottle of Vodka SKY..... and I will bring crushed ice and lemons and mint leaves..
Get an annulment and move on
Get an annulment and move on with your life. This guy is an Incubus and will suck the life out of you. While he is at the wedding and getting his party on have the locks rekeyed and file for a separation and the annulment. He made his choice. Make him suffer for it.
Enjoy your new life adventure with this shallow and polluted gene pool fading into the background.
Take care of you.