Adult Stepdaughter is so needy !
I'm new on here and hope I'm not going to waffle too much! My OH and I dont live together, he has a daughter of 25 who has 3 children with her boyfriend who doesn't work and hardly ever has worked, they live on benefits in a council flat. He also has his 14 yr old son living with him as the mother didn't want him anymore. His adult daughter is so needy of her dad and it's really bugging me now as every time we are together, which isn't a lot as he works shifts, she will be ringing him to see if she can come over to his house because the grandchildren want to see him. They are lovely kids and they do love him and he loves them, but it's because she's bored and has nothing to do, I mean who else sees their Dad like that every day? I work during the day and because he works shifts he normally has a few hours free during the day and he always seems to be spending it with his daughter and the grandkids. its because her boyfriend doesnt do much just plays on his computer all day. My OH is always taking her and the kids out to buy something, they always seem to NEED new shoes, etc and he ends up paying for them when I question it and say why doesn't he tell the bf to get a job and buy them he says he doesn't want o fall out with his daughter over it. When my OH was living in a place without a garden he never saw her, she just uses him for the garden and for something to do, but I said to him he should say no to her and say he's out with me or that we're busy doing something, there's plenty of time to see her when Im at work she only lives round the corner. He thinks I'm being mean and says there are plenty of times when he does say no to her so goodness knows she must be asking him ten times a day! What I think is mean is that she doesn't buy him presents on his birthday and didn't bother to see him for fathers day always says she hasn't got any money! she works piddly hours a week just to keep up with the benefits. She always seems to be texting him with some problem or other.
i feel like I am being mean here as she is a nice girl just so flippin needy and its getting on my nerves, Don't really know how to handle it properly.
At least you two aren't
At least you two aren't living together....so that's a start.
I think you need to decide
I think you need to decide that this isn't your problem. Your OH has told you that he doesn't have a problem with the current arrangement, and it doesn't seem like he's that interested in doing things your way instead. So nothing is likely to change, except possibly whether you allow it to bother you. As long as he's spending HIS money and not yours, repeat this as many times as you need to: "Not my kid, not my problem."
Your problem is your
Your problem is your boyfriend, not her. Tell him in a crystal clear manner how much time you need from him per week, and let him know his phone needs to be turned off when you are together. If he balks at this, he's not the one for you.
I am going to be honest and
I am going to be honest and rude - you need to leave, you need to run and don't look back!!! Look through the forums here on ST - THIS IS WHAT YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE LIKE IF YOU STAY!!!
At least, I'm honest!
I have to agree. My problem
I have to agree. My problem stepdaughter had 3 kids by three different babydaddies, none pay any support. My wife bought them a house and pays $1500 a month mortgage on it - so much for "our" marital money. My wife and her sister buy most of the kids clothes (one day I counted 22 winter kiddy coats hanging in the front hall closet, and that was when there were only 2 waifs). To top it off, my wife can't even put down her cell phone for a minute - we can't get thru a meal without a text message, and she even takes it when we go for walks - which we don;t do anymore, as we are getting divorced becasue of this uninterrupted intrusion. She even has asked me to go down and mow the grass at the adult childs house, becasue the SD is just too tired after taking care of three kids. RUN AWAY!!
Welcome antalya, I haven't
Welcome antalya,
I haven't posted for a while, but sometimes browse the boards. I just had to reply to you. Toywas is right. Sorry, but she's marking her territory and the closer you two get (you & OH) the more she will tighten the screws. I feel a little deja vu coming on. Don't be like me and suffer for 20 years - which only ended when he died. I will give you the longer version, details etc if you want, but the dye is cast and it will eat you away. So sorry, but these people are sick and will never change.
And just to add, this is very much your problem, because no matter how 'nice' she seems she will strive to 'own' her father, forever vying for his attention, always seeking to 'get one up' on you. All done, of course, under the insidious guise of 'having a close and loving father/daughter relationship of which you are UNDOUBTEDLY JEALOUS - Ahem!
And she will do all this by subtly and continuously guilt-tripping him. Unless you intend this to be a permanently casual relationship, run for the hills with a gale-force wind behind you.
Run, Run...adult step
Run, Run...adult step children are the worst. She will use the grandkids until daddy dies. I did not come from a divorced family. Hoowever, my mother has taken years of verbal abuse from my older sister...gave her money, cooked for her and etc. I confront my mother...well, it is for the grandkids.
This scares me
My huband of 10 years just met his 30 year old daughter. after just meeting one time she text/ messages and face times him constantly!! If she cant get a hold of him she will message me "wheres my old man" this last 3 weeks has been all about her and her 10 year old daughter. I keep saying it'll taper off it's just so new to both of them but I don't know....