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Adult step kids and my wife's coddling ruined my marriage

Brian1876's picture

Somebody please tell me this is so wife always put her adult children before me or our marriage.they were allowed to come into our home with no rules and do as they has happened w 2 of her adult children.the first,her 21 year old son.he quit college and decided to work out of town.after 6 months just decided to quit for no good reason and asked to stay with us till he got situated.he had 20,000 saved from working and had no bills but insurance and cell bill.after my wife allowed him to live there not contributing to the house,not looking for his own place,nothing.his mother did nothing but make excuses why he couldn't support caused several arguments between us.i never had a say on anything in my own house.during the time he lived there he slept w a 13 and 14 year old n our house and was still allowed to live there.needles to say he blew every dime of the 20,000 w nothing to show for it living off us.he finally moved out after over a the same thing is happening w her daughter moving back in which is causing us a divorce (she filed).her daughter moved out to live w her bf.he wouldn't keep a job so she quit college to work more to support him.after only 3 months of being on her own she moved back in w us.shes been back in our house a that year she's done nothing to better her situation.she blows all her money on getting hair done,clothes,cellphones etc while we foot the bill for living expenses.dont contribute any money to our home.even got a credit card n maxed it out in just a few wife saw nothing wrong w this behavior .she calls it loving and helping her kids.again,I never had a say on anything.her way or the highway.i spent several months trying to talk to my wife n got ignored.i work full time,cook,clean,pay bills while grown kids living off us doing nothing to be responsible wife asked for a divorce because I finally had enough n went off

Stepped in what momma's picture

I guess it depends on who you ask but to me this is wrong. Good news is that you won't have to deal with it anymore because you are getting divorced. Make sure you interview the next runner up better than you did this last one and go over what you will allow in your life and what you won't. Many of us didn't know to ask these types of questions but now you know what could happen so you shouldn't make the same mistake twice.

ybarra357's picture

"my wife asked for a divorce because I finally had enough n went off" Good riddance to her and her spawn, IMO.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Flee and don't look back.

She's a lousy mother and worse wife. Good riddance.

Brian1876's picture

When I say I went off nothing violent by any means. I just said some stuff I probably shouldn't have said. I spent 4 months trying to talk calmly about it and she never wanted to listen.when it came to her kids in our house there was never any compromise on was all her way or no way at all.she always made excuses for her adult kids why they couldn't be independent.neither had any handicap of any kind.theyve always been treated like a silver spoon was in their mouth. I'm all for helping kids but why should I if they're not doing anything for themselves but take advantage.she enables them to grow up or suffer any consequences for anything or any choices they make.she encourages their selfish,immature ways just so they can live like teenagers.blow all their money while someone else pays the bills

Aniki's picture

Your wife doesn't want to listen because 1) she's an enabler, and 2) she wants her kids there.

Don't expect this to change. She wants a divorce because you are no longer willing to support her children. Contact an attorney and file first.

cw's picture

Your wife is totally out of line. First of all, your wife should have discussed with you and both of you should have come to mutual decision about your skids moving in. The rules and established boundaries. It feels like she is using you for her own and her kids financial gain. If she can't or won't do a 180 then as sad as it is probably divorce may be your only option. I sure hope you have a prenup.

sportslover's picture

Sounds like a nightmare. I don't get this new parenting, I had to start contributing $$ at 16 and have had a good, independent, nice life because of it. Who ever thought this coddling crap was a good idea?

The kicker is, do any of these "kids" seem happy? Not at all from what I've seen.

Stay out and save yourself!

Brian1876's picture

Of course the kids are happy.theyre getting a totally free ride and not pushed to grow up.they have it rules,no responsibility,no nobody to get in the way of that.everything is handed to em

Brian1876's picture

He was caught and arrested.he served no jail time at all.nothing.parents didn't push it.his mother made excuses for him.its pathetic

SMforever's picture

Sad to say, but you will be better off without this mess, and it sounds like your wife isn't very respectful of the relationship at all. I know there are always two sides to a story, and none of us are perfect. She sounds like a control freak.

Her ploy of asking for a divorce sounds like a drama queen escalating her attempts at control. Don't feed her attention-seeking, just lawyer up and get out as cheaply as possible.

I would predict that if you go ahead and get them out of your house, or divorce and force a sale, within a year you will have found peace and quiet, a new direction, and very likely a good woman to keep you company. Life is too short to put up with the users who are on your payroll.

My DH has adult kids who keep trying to ease back into our home. One SS even had the gall the ask if he and his new GF could stay in our house while we were away on vacation! We had never even met the GF. Oh, and they wanted to "borrow" DH's sportscar. I just advised him to make sure they were insured ... Turns out they weren't so I hid the keys to the cars before we left, turned off the furnace and hot water, locked up our laptops, and emptied the fridge completely. Our house gets wicked cold without heat. I also disabled the wifi and the satellite TV. If they "visited" I bet it wasn't much fun. I even left dirty sheets on the bed and locked the linen closet. Sometimes skids need a clear message. So do their gullible parents!

Brian1876's picture

You're right,there's always two sides to any story..I'll be the first to admit I'm far from perfect and like anyone else I've made my mistakes.the difference between me n her was I didn't tuck tail and abandon my marriage every time I got mad,didn't get my way or got my feelings fact I've had several reasons to walk away but always chose my fact I married her twice.same problem both times.she had her brother attack me w a pipe just so she could steal my car(last time).very car she gave to her daughter who still lives off her.she betrayed me with my ex from many years ago etc.the first time I walked away w nothing to be the bigger person n she's pissed I won't do it again..when I came back I added 400 square feet to the house,I put a shop on the property and put down hard wood floors.i also bought her a new car which is upside down over 6,000 she stuck me with etc and she wants me to walk away with nothing and her be liable for nothing.shes so sneaky and evil.she even had me thrown in jail for the stupidest crap just to bully me into giving her everything

Brian1876's picture

I worked full time,cleaned house every weekend,cooked most night yet grown kids did nothing and paid nothing and had more say in my home than I did!!! Not to mention I spoiled her.there wasn't a night went by I didn't rub her back and hair till she fell asleep.yet I was always treated like the outsider

ChiefGrownup's picture

Wow. I missed the part about the statutory rape the first time I read through.

Deal breaker for me.

File if you haven't already. Wash your hands of this den of dysfunction. Who wants to be around any of them at all?

SugarSpice's picture

people in our situation can either choose to leave or suck it up. each action has its pros and cons.

i have decided to suck it up for awhile due to personal reasons. in the meantime, i watch detached from the sidelines as the skids make total disasters of their lives from their stupid choices. what can be more satisfacttory to witness the time the kar ma truck runs them over?

Brian1876's picture

Thanks.i got an attorney and a good one.she pissed I won't lay down and get screwed like I did before

ChiefGrownup's picture

Brian, that's great news! We are all rooting for you. So glad you are taking steps to get out and to protect your interests. Way to go!

grace8205's picture

I got to the point when I had enough of my skid who was 20 at the time not following the rules and having no respect. My DH always promised to enforce the rules "this time". Then one day when I discovered $300 worth of pot in our house (have a very strict no drug rule, I do not want that around my kid and DH is very anti-drugs), yet again, I was done. That was the third time for the same offence, DH kept telling me he would kick him out if it happened again.

When I found the pot for the 3rd time, I disposed of it (so DH could not give it back, because he would) and then calmly told DH, that we should not live together until he was ready to have his son launch. He could move out with his 20yo son and I would wait one year for him to get him squared away to live independently and if it is not done in one year I would wait no more and it will be over. I did not raise my voice, stated this matter of fact, and there was no tears.

DH gave skid notice (30 days) that night and said the notice will be void if he breaks another rule or is not respectful. Skid only lasted less than a week of the notice and was out.

I guess the difference is that my DH does value our marriage, where I don't think your wife does or ever did. At least you know and are not being strung along and you can move on. Sorry it did not work out for you.

grace8205's picture


Acratopotes's picture

Make sure that divorce goes through quickly.... they've been using you for years.

If it's your house and in your name only, give DW and span notice to leave, get them removed by the people in blue if you have to. Cut all ties to these spongers, get all your information ready for the divorce, that means go back into your financials since the day you got married and proof she never contributed much to the house hold expenses, house payments or what ever.... this will only help you

CANYOUHELP's picture

There is no excuse for the lack of respect by your wife and her lazy children. She has enabled them to be what they are, now she has to deal with the product of her ineffective parenting; they always do.

You, however do not, they get out, or she and they can all get out and you can move on to somebody who respects your feelings and generosity.

Rags's picture

She is the one who filed so go for the jugular. Rekey the looks, put her on the curb, and let her learn that her kids won't be there for her.

Any divorce is a sad thing but ... good riddance to her and her toxic crotch nuggets. Move on with your life and don't look back.

Take care of you.