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Adult skids Christmas “list”

Bamb's picture

Do any of your adult step kids still give you a list of what they want for Xmas? My SS22 sent us her list and I can't help but be super annoyed by it. It just feels so greedy and ridiculous! 

JRI's picture

We have 5 adult kids, my 2 bios and 3 SKs.  I have seen various levels of greed and entitlement over tbe years.  So, this is what we do.  I estaish how much for the kids and give it in cash, same amount to each of the 5 kids.  The upside is no one will look at another's gift with envious eyes, all know it's fair and best of all, no shopping for me.  The downside is it seems kind of sterile to hand out envelopes rather than wrapped gifts but, oh well.  Back in the day, I assured all had the same number of gifts, totalling identical amounts, for each.  

I do the same for birthdays, weddings and showers.  Same thing for the gkids altho when tbey were under 10 , I gave gifts.

What I'm going for here is the boredom effect.  If they know what to expect, that eliminates that  "I really want that shiny xyz, Dad!" or " Here's my list!" (ridiculous, I agree).

Bamb's picture

This is a great solution. My children are still young so I do feel the pressure of getting everyone the same number of gifts and the same cost, but that is exhausting. Wondering how I could modify this to fit our situation. 

ESMOD's picture

My inlaws would take their grandkids shopping with a set amount of money allowed for each child.  Then they would get the gifts wrapped and the kids would get them on Christmas day (or whatever day the holiday happening with the grandparents happened).  It kept it even as far as money.. but they also had something to open.  My MIL would usually do a stocking too.. but that would be extra and mostly just things like candies and nothing really valuable.

stepmomnorth's picture

I wouldn't have any qualms about telling the kids that they are too old to be sending a wish list, it's inappropriate at that age in my opinion, and presumptive. 

Kaylee's picture

It is beyond greedy, selfish and ridiculous for any adult to give their parents a "Christmas list"....

Tell her to pull her head in! 

Kaylee's picture

However, that being said, if your parents asked you what you wanted, as 1dad4kids said, that's different.

I'm referring to greedy selfish people like the OP's SD, who send a list of demands...

Tenn9lov's picture

We've got 8 between us. 7 are adults. 2 are married. I ask for lists from all. It's like pulling teeth to get a list from my kids, but I ask anyways.

I wish my kids would be happy with cash but nope they'd rather have something to open. In all honesty, it's fine.I don't mind shopping (I did most of it online this year). I put a lot of effort into finding fun, unique gifts for all. We don't go overboard and each kid & spouse get relatively the same amount spent on them. The big issue I have is with 2 of my dh's children. Both are adults. In the past, one skid gave gifts to just her daaaad. She'd write "to my dad" on the gift tag. Puke! She's 25 years old!!! Grow up! The other skid has never given anything to either one of us, not even a card. I'm a big believer in "its the thought that counts". So, I'd be fine with anything decent they put thought into. I know it will never happen so it's whatever. 

Bamb's picture

I totally feel the same way! I don't expect gifts from her, or any of the kids. But my bio children find great pleasure in Getting each other gifts and making something for DH and I. SD could do something as simple as a card, cookies, etc. just the thought that counts! And it would make me feel less used. 

ndc's picture

My parents ask for a Christmas list from each of their adult children. They often don't know what we have/need/want, and would prefer to get something we do want.  They are also asked for gift suggestions by grandparents, and want to be able to suggest something.  Just because it's on the list doesn't mean we'll get it, but we all supply the list.  I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as there's no expectation that the "wish list" must be fulfilled. 

tog redux's picture

Well, to me, parents asking for a list is different than her just handing them one. I'm also getting the sense that her list is extensive and unreasonable.

tog redux's picture

She wouldn't make a greedy list if she didn't think she would get what's on there, so this is on your DH to stop.  

Rags's picture

My IL clan does the list thing.  They all get together, exchange lists, then draw names to determine who each will buy for.  I set the precident long ago that we would buy for everyone.  We do that for my family when we are all together, though not when we are apart, but we do gifts for each of my DW's clan members.

Interestingly, my POS SIL, gives us a modified list than what she and her family give to the rest of the IL clan.  There are always a few select items at the top of her lists for herself, her DH and their two kids.  Things like.... Pay off our house, a new car, college funds for the kids, etc, etc, etc....  We ignore that crap.

My family has never done the list thing. Ever. We all take pride in the effort we put in to find the right things we want to give to each other.

caninelover's picture

Bratty gets a lump of coal from me, if that.

For my niece and nephew (both 17) I stopped buying them physical gifts about 3 years ago and just send them a Visa gift card in the mail.  They prefer having the $ to spend however they want and its easier than trying to figure out a gift to send.

Kaylee's picture

Ok, everyone is different and has their own ideas on Christmas shopping, presents etc.

I usually give my two sons cash (they don't ask for anything but I like to do it because they are both awesome young men). Other than that, I don't give presents, nor do I want them. Possessions are a bind, and I'm thr sort of person who likes a very minimalist atmosphere. My sisters and brothers - when we get together for Christmas, which is hard now because of COVID - are the same. We're not into presents. To us, it's about the time spent together. We are very close and love that time. That's our "present".