Now that the holidays are over, it is fun to consider the fallout from the deliberately instigated drama and chance encounters of a certain kind that did or did not take place.

Here goes: as someone else has recently stated on this board, as soon as you show the skids how little you need them, they take notice. In my case, this was the first year that we did not see them for Xmas AT ALL, which they did not fail to appreciate. The OSD, who was in town for about 10 days, made some noises about coming over with the other two in tow, but first we had friends staying with us, then we were entertaining guests every night between Xmas and New Years, then we went out to attend a large gathering at my gf's house on the last day of the OSD's stay here.

So she called and called, and texted, and for some reason my DH'd phone did not ring while he was taking a nap, and then a shower, and when she called me - which only happens about 2x a year - i ignored the call. She left her dad messages saying, So i guess we are not getting together since you are not answering, and left me a ridiculous message without ever mentioning my name. I thought, Like hell am i going to tell your father you called if you sound like you are talking to an answering service. It went like this: "Hi, this is OSD calling. I am trying to reach my dad as we wanted to do this Xmas thing... blah blah blah... So let him know to get back to me asap."

The Xmas thing they wanted to do first backfired a few days before because the BM instigated some far-out drama re a car the skids drive, and got the SS ( who is the first one to drink her Coolaid, according to my DH) so riled up that the OSD texted my DH to tell him, Please call us, my brother is very upset with you. So back then, a few days after Xmas, my DH got on the phone and she started relaying to him all the drama and anger the younger skids had dumped on her re an unrelated issue, and then my DH - with my prompting - but of his own accord - said to her ( having not seen her or the other two for months), "Then DO NOT come. We wanted to have a nice Xmas dinner, this is not about the bills, the car insurance, your mother's issues. If you cannot be nice and civil we are not going to have a get-together tonight." I was SO PROUD of him! OMG!!! It's like a new southerly wind began to blow.

He basically said to her, not in so many words, "I invited you over but our evening could only happen on our terms. You chose to get involved in somebody else's drama, and now you want to bring your mis-guided anger here - we will have NONE of that. It is Christmas. Do Not Come!!!" Wooo hoo! Small step for mankind, HUGE step for my DH - no pun intended!!

I was ok with the fondue going cold, and the food going to waste - he took some of his power back and showed them that he would not be treated like a piece of ****.
Made my day, my week and possibly my year!

Gifts: he sent them money, 150 each. Last year i bought a ton of gifts, large and small, for all of them. This year i was disengaged and contributed nothing, not a card, not a thing. So the skids suddenly sent us a gift certificate to a theater that *I* like worth $70, a computer game for my kids, and a hand-made craft item for either DH or all of us. I said nothing, which was easy as i did not see them, however my DH anxiously emailed them thanks from both of us ( signed, Dad and Pilgrim Soul).

That was that. Then today i changed my cover picture on Facebook to the one where DH and i are sitting on some rocks against a blue sky and the ocean. Innocent enough. My SDs are friends with me on FB and we have a tacit understanding where i do not comment on anything they post, and they return the favor. When i posted a handful of our wedding pictures last fall, a year after the wedding itself, the OSD ignored them completely even though everyone else was all agog about how beautiful they were. She had not been to our wedding. As a rule, I post often and usually something that has nothing to do with them. So their silence is fine with me. Then today, when the cover picture changed - a non-event really - she was one of the first people to like it. I have not seen her name pop up under my Facebook posts in years.

What gives? This is a language they must have imbibed with mother's milk: power play, mind games. Now that i have removed myself from their lives altogether, they are bringing gifts and starting overtures. Next we will be braiding each other's hair?