Adult daughter driving me nuts!
I'm reluctant to marry my boyfriend of 4 years because of his daughter. I have 2 grown children: one is 27, living 600 miles away so I rarely see her and the other one is 20, living 90 miles away and I see him about every 2 months. Boyfriend's daughter is 23, lives 20 minutes away and HAS to speak to daddy daily and HAS to see him several times a week or else she will throw a temper tantrum that would rival any two year olds! She and I don't get along, because she has no manners! If she comes over, she just walks in the door without bothering to knock and then she heads for the kitchen and helps herself to whatever she wants. I kinda knew she was going to be trouble when we took our first romantic road trip shortly after we started dating. She threw the first of many tantrums. She was on the phone literally crying that we didn't take her! She also lived with us for about four months and I was SO HAPPY when she moved out! Living with her is how I found out how bad she really is! She refused to help out in any way and actually said that she didn't have to do anything! She was so lazy and would hide food and dirty dishes under the couch and her bed!. The final straw was when she started bringing her boyfriend over and letting him spend the night! She didn't even bother asking her dad if it was ok. When I woke up at 6 and found a 19 year old guy standing in the kitchen in his underwear, I told my boyfriend that her boyfriend was NOT staying over ever again! Of course, that made me the bad guy. So now when he tries to be a parent to her, she plays the guilt card with him, accusing him of loving and choosing me over her. Her mom left right after she was born and so she's fond of saying that her mom chose drugs and her daddy chose a woman over her. And then she turns on the tears and refuses to speak to him for a week and successfully manipulates him again. She just got a job literally right around the corner and I know she's planning to come over several times a week. Why drive home when she can go to daddy's? It won't surprise me if she actually brings up moving in with us again, because now that she works down the street, it will be easier on her. I have put my foot down on that issue though. I told my boyfriend that there's no way in hell I'll ever live with her again! And I don't want her stopping by several times a week! I just can't stand the thought of her sitting here every single night, begging daddy to rub her feet and back while she baby talks for HOURS! When I tell him that she needs to grow up (daddy is her social life, she has NOT ONE FRIEND and can't keep a boyfriend because she's a princess) he's afraid she'll run off and NEVER talk to him again. She's an adult, she should have some kind of life outside of her father. But she's so bratty and spoiled that NOBODY outside of her immediate family wants to be around her. I'm afraid that she's going to be 40 years old and still attached to daddy's hip! I've tried repeatedly to discuss this with him, but all he keeps saying is that "she's a child. Yes, immature and spoiled, but a CHILD." No, I think she's just a spoiled brat who knows exactly what she's doing! I love my boyfriend, very much, and I've invested 4 years in our relationship but I am tired of babysitting all the time! Especially a grown "child." Any advice?