Step child does not want to visit because step parent makes her feel uncomfortable
I been around my stepchild for over 10 years. She is 12 years old and has been making my husband and I lives hard. First of all my husband and her mother cannot get along and I don't care to have a relationship with the mother. The reason I say I don't care is because I did try at one point to be civil with her and she tried to cross the line this year and I put a stop to it. All of the sudden the ex feels that I cross the line and now I make her feel uncomfortable. This comes to say that her daughter is saying the same! First of all me and my husband have two girls together a 4 year old and a 9 year old. We have a structure home, rules and discipline which with her mother there is non. Her mother let's her do whatever she wants at her house and when she comes to our house she doesn't like the fact that there are rules. What bother's me the most at this moment is that my step child told my husband that her sister the 4 year old gets on her nerves and bother's her and that I make her feel uncomfortable. That when his not around I treat her differently; she is saying that I only pay attention to my 2 girls, and that I roll my eyes at her and I don't talk to her. She was by court order to come with us for the week and she is refusing for this reasons. The mother also told her that when she turned 12 that she can make her own decisions to come and visit us. Now, I have never try to make her feel uncomfortable. When she is with us I treat all 3 girls the same and even sometimes better than my own. She get's all the attention from everyone! Oh I forgot one more thing also she said that I don't feed her or have enough food. Her mother had text my mother in law that one of the reasons she doesn't like coming is because either I don't have enough food at home or that there is no food for them. This is were my in laws and my husband knew the daughter was lying. Trying to talk to the mother is hard because right away her answer is "you are calling your daughter a lier". I told my husband that yes I do limit talking to her because I know she goes and tells her mother everything and sometimes switches the stories around. My husband has witness and family have witness how I am with my step daughter. When we are out and people ask me if all 3 are my kids I say yes. I never label her as my step daughter to anyone. Also my husband has witness how we get along, we talk, laugh, I make her feel pretty all the time by doing her hair (which her mother never does her hair) and how she comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she loves me. Now a child doing all this must not feel uncomfortable. Any suggestions of what else I can do?