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clingy step daughter

5plus3's picture

my 22 year old step daughter clings to her father, my new husband, like Velcro. She will even try and sit on his lap. It makes me VERY uncomfortable. Is this normal?

5plus3's picture

I have 5 children, my new husband has 3. They range in age from 13 - 30. We have been married for 4 months and have dated for 6 years.

drama13's picture

My almost 13 year old step daughter does this too. I dont think it's normal at that age let alone 22. She holds his hand in public, constantly wants hugs and kisses, sit's on his lap and even tries getting him to sleep with her. I was never affectionate like that with my dad so maybe it's just weird to me.

omgsaveme's picture

my SD22 is freakin weird like that, I member years ago, she would bend over in front of him, I member one time that was really creepy we went out to dinner with a bunch of people and her boyfriend was there, SD sat there the whole time staring at my DH, and making weird faces at him, sticking her tongue out, and barely paying attention to her BF, I told my DH they had a very odd relationship. He had a photo of her that Im assuming he took of her laying in bed. I was never like that with my dad and I thought it was strange. He has gotten WAY better about it now.

What opened his eyes is how my mom is with my brother, she treats my brother like her husband sometimes and my DH commented on how he thought that was strange. I said "yep, I read a lot of articles about divorced parents will treat their kids that are opposite sex like there significant others, resulting in a weird relationship". You could see the wheels turning in his head and he cut that shit ASAP. Now when she tries to do the odd behavior he will look away, if she tries to cling on to him he will just give her a pat hug and keep it moving. He used to make comments "you see those high heels she was wearing" "you see how tight those pants were she was wearing"

I think its called ophelia complex, I would read it and casually mention it to your husband and how bizarre it is. See if that changes his behavior.

omgsaveme's picture

Ya, my DH would get defensive if I directly pointed something out and would start defending SD,so I started discussing things leaving him and her out of it. He started picking up on it, he used to accuse his ex wife not SDs BM, of being jealous of his DD, mind you, they were swingers who had an open relationship where they could both go and have sex with other people alone. So I asked him " if she wasn't jealous of you sticking your d*** in other women and going on dates with other women why would she just be jealous of your daughter" another moment of silence..... No DH maybe the problem isn't everyone else it's your annoying daughter who's disgusting and a loser.

These Disney dads get so defensive but yes it is not normal for your grown daughter to treat you like you are married and its not ok for these dads to treat them as their wives,it's emotional incest and its disgusting. It's not just men though, my mom is single and my brother is 22 she will get all but hurt and jealous of his GFs sometimes. Flipped out on my brother when his GF mentioned them moving someday, which my mom made sure to tell his GF that my brother wasn't moving anywhere away from her, they go on dates(haha) like movies, restaurants, if he makes plans without her a lot of times she will be upset he didn't include her.

He took a trip to LA with him and made it a point to make sure he was driving front seat with her and not sitting in back with his GF,his GF just decided not to go. It's like do you not see how different it is ? My BS is 12 and he doesn't even want to kiss me on the lips, he will hug me and maybe kiss on the cheek lol.

5plus3's picture

Thank you for your comments. I feel a little better knowing there are others out there dealing with similar issues. I will read up on Ophelia and figure a way to discuss it without being confrontational.

Valeria's picture

It is not normal (not OK) and has a name. Emotional Incest. There is a book by the same name. If SD has just started this since you got married then she is trying to claim him as her territory. If it has been going on all along then then you may want to educate yourself on the emotional incest issue.

hereiam's picture

My husband would push SD22 right onto the floor if she tried sitting on his lap.

What grown woman wants to sit on their dad's lap? Ick.

karendow's picture

Yes my ex-boyfriend had a "mini-wife", only daughter. They would be holding hands watching T.V. together side by side when I came home from work. At her age of 22 being a mother herself I found this really weird. I felt like I was interrupting a private moment. Sometimes I would come home from work and they would be lying in our bed together watching T.v. She was in complete control of what she was doing. She was a manipulative little bitch but a princess in DBF eyes. He said there is nothing wrong with it and said because I was abused as a child by my father I didn't understand their normal relationship. Needless to say after 10 years of trying to be a priority in life I now live without them in my life.

CarpeOmnia's picture

I remember when SD19 pulled the whole "sitting on Dad's lap" thing. She had made a big point of having
DH uncross his legs so that she could sit on his lap.
While she was doing it, she was looking straight at me in a challenging manner.
When she finally left, I asked DH how long it had been since she had sat on his lap.
He said, "Since she was 8".
I asked him, "Do you know what she was doing?"
He said, "no...what?"
I said, "she was marking her territory."

I have noticed over the last 3 years that when her and I are in the same room as DH...she becomes all drapey and needy
over him. When I am not there, DH says she is not like that.