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Rude and abnormal step son literally abnormal

Stepmothertobe39's picture

Hi everyone,

Quick update on my life now, we got married last year, and all sons moved out. So far so good until I found out that my step son who is now 19 getting treatments for being bipolar. I have no issue with that, was happy that he went to seek professional help and attends therapist sessions and all is well so far.  All my step sons come and visit us for dinner once a week but every time this boy comes to our house he gets bad and terribly act out of hate and jealousy literally treats me and my son like some intruders and some stranger. He makes every attempt to separate me from my husband explicitly or implicitly. He is super rude along with unstable mood. He got a car and a job so one would think wow he should move on and get a life.I feel like I have to put up with a stressful night every week when he comes to visit. The older two brothers are too busy with their girlfriends and lives except for this one. My husband has failed me and really disappointed me to appease to him. Tonight was the middle son's birthday, we all went to a restaurant celebrating the occasion and the dinner went well. As we were leaving the restaurant, his older bothers said goodbye and each drove his car except this one who stood by the door of the restaurant asking his father to ride with him so he would drive my husband alone to our house. When my husband asked what about my wife and her son? 
my stepson answered his dad " Give her your keys and she can drive herself back home. It is very simple, she drives home in your car dad, and you ride with me so I can show you my new car and get to talk to you."

At first, I was taken back by the request so he wanted me at 10:00pm to drive myself back home alone to our house when he can have my husband ride with him to show my husband his new car. 
I suggested if he could come with us home if he wanted to have a conversation with his father and I said that I would leave him alone with him, but he insisted on me driving myself back home with my son who is his step brother.

I lost it...literally blew up at both;my helpless man who started to stutter not knowing what to say to his son and at that selfish son of his. I responded to my step son saying " how would feel if someone asks you to dump your wife at night to get ride with your son?, you are getting way too much asking for strange things excepting your father to appease you all the time."

bear in mind, he used to see his father every Saturday and had lunches with his dad without me being with them but he refused to come to see his father for lunch citing whatever excuses he had. 
I don't want to this boy to ruin my marriage and I do love my husband even though he is too weak to protect me from his sons'jealousy. 
I don't feel like welcoming this boy inside our house as it feel so heavy on my heart to deal with that much hate and abnormalities in his behavior. My husband got used to appease to all his demands citing he gets anxiety and he gets depressed he may hurt himself. I am fed up with all these excuses for rudeness and mood swing issues. Fed up, and had to stand up to him tonight.

I want him out of my life completely. I know this impossible but at least not on my watch meaning if he wanted to show his father his new car, he could simply stop by his father work on Saturday and drive him to lunch this way he gets to spen time with him out my nerves and sight. But, he of course cannot do it because he only wanted that to happen tonight to see how much dad loves more than me and to separate me from my husband.

Anyway, I am praying for peace and get this boy a life happily away from us.

Dogmom1321's picture

Don't go anywhere with your SS again. It was your child's birthday and I'm sure you wanted to ENJOY the special day. If DH gives you crap about it in the future for not including SKs, remind him how he acted this time around. 

Personally, I would stop attending the "weeky" dinners. You and your kids can do something else. Let DH know that you aren't keeping him from having dinner with his kids, but you don't want yourself or your kids around such RUDE behavior. Your DH shouldn't fault you for actually wanting to teach your children MANNERS. Also, when explaining these situations to your children, I would just use it as an example of how NOT to act and how to do things differently. Make it a teachable moment for your kids. 

Don't let DH use his kid's bipolar disorder as a crutch. He shouldn't be making excuses. He is not the first person to be diagnosed with BP and it doesn't mean he gets a free pass to treat others like crap. I have had MANY conversations with my DH about SD11. He uses "But she has ADHD!" And I just say, "But you aren't teaching or showing her how to do ANYTHING on her own!"

Stepmothertobe39's picture

Those weekly dinners are always in our house. They come and visit us because my husband wants them coming. There is no way I could stop those dinners. But I can stay upstairs in my room not sitting with them and exclude myself from having dinner with them inside my own house until they leave. They all want to erase me from their father's life and get me excluded.


Dogmom1321's picture

Then you 100% have a DH problem if he INVITES his children to be rude to you in your own home. Kick ALL of them out and tell them go eat elsewhere! You shouldn't be disrespected (ever really), but especially in your own home. 

Stepmothertobe39's picture

After I stood up for the SS, my husband drove me back home. My husband was mad at me and he said he son now could hurt himself because I was rude to him and refused his request. I am very disappointed at my husband he simply was too close to give up on me and giving up on driving me back home.

shellpell's picture

Why did you marry your husband? According to other posts, he has hit you and now he's blaming you for his son's ills?

ImFreeAtLast's picture

Huh? He used violence and you love him? Him using violence isn't a flaw. He's an abusive asshole. 

Survivingstephell's picture

First of all his bipolar is not being treated correctly. I would put my foot down and not allow SS anywhere near you until he gets stabilized.  Make that clear to DH.  As for any violence, get some therapy for yourself.  You have issues with allowing yourself to be pushed over and run into the rug.  Compliance with DH is not the way.  Love yourself more.  

Rags's picture

Does your DH smack the shit out of the disrespectful little bastard for disrespecting his wife?

If not, find a new DH that is worth a shit.

Next time your DH or his bastard spawn hits you, shoot them and put them out of your misery.  Double tap, center mass, solves all kinds of problems. And.. self defense is legal justification for ending a threat.... permanently.

Loxy's picture

While I feel for you, I can't see that it's worthwhile giving you any advice as you clearly don't respect yourself enough to take a stand. The real probelm is not your SS, it's your husband who refuses to have your back or stand up for you. He also refuses to parent his son, and according to another post, he has been violent to you. If you stay with a man like that then you will have to accept the crap that comes with it - that's the bottom line. 

Rags's picture

I lost most respect for you when you shared that he hits you and yet..... you still embrace this abusive POS and his shallow and polluted gene pool.  Put his ass in prison and purge your life of your STBXDH et al.