Father’s Day outing
Forums:
Would you please advise me on the following?
I am a step- mother to be for three sons 24,20,17. On Father's Day I would love to exclude myself from any outing my fiancé would have with his three sons. I love my fiancé and he loves me but there is no any harmony between me and his 3 boys. I would prefer for him of he enjoys a brunch or lunch with them alone without me as a way to avoid any rudeness to me from their side.
what is the best excuses I can tell my fiancé in a way he will not be upset?
Tell him you want him to have
Tell him you want him to have quality bonding time on Father's Day - a day for father's and their children.
Thank you. He is already
Thank you. He is already bonding with them but I will say that anyway.
Yep... say whatever will make
Yep... say whatever will make him be ok with yiu not going that isn't as harsh as "I can't stand your rotten kids and don't want to be anywhere near them.
I do not know your background, but if he spends a lot of time with them and wants you to also, you may want to reconsider your relationship. You can only come up with so many excuses. Eventually it will become a problem for him because you will not spend time with him/his kids. Likewise, it will become a problem for you because you do not get enough quality time with him.
I hope you are not planning to marry this man anytime soon
I hope you are not planning to marry this man anytime soon. Based on your first post and this post, your are going to be miserable if you marry this man and things continue as they have been. You should not need to come up with an excuse as to why you don't want to spend time with 3 boys who are rude to you. The fact that they are rude is reason enough not to want to spend time with them. Be honest with your SO and see how he reacts.
How has he been responding to the "bill of rights" you gave him?
.
Not any time soon
I am not in any rush to marry him, however; I love him and I know he loves me. It is very complicated to even describe this situation and the more I think about it the less attractive he becomes to me. I told him that I was not going out with him and his boys for Father's Day dinner and he was fine with me not wanting to go. He didn't force me to go nor did he ask me why I was not coming. Something inside of me said that he was releaved that me and his sons would not have any drama for that night.
To answer your question about the Bill of Rights I presented him; he is so opposed to it, and I know he wants his 17 years old to live with me in the same house. His 17 years - his youngest son- in one night he had an outburst at me rudely and his dad did not take any action about it and yet still the dad - my fiancé - forces me to accept that setup for his 17 soon to be 18 to live with me. This is a deal breaker to me if his son lives with us I know it will be a living nightmare. So I decided to tell my fiancé to have a serious talk with his son that things will change and he needs to live with mother for the rest of the week. My fiancé refused and keeps insisting on having his youngest son lives with us.
At this point, I know that marriage is merely a dream and this man is stagnant clinging on his past and his sons as if they are still babies.
No, I am not marrying him nor will I move in when he doesn't want to move on and change his norm to fit the new life with me.
thank you for your advice
This is your last single
This is your last single Father's Day with them. Go and enjoy it.
If he knows they don't like you and won't insist on them treating you with respect, will it be that big of a surprise to him that you don't want to be with them?
Why would you want toavoid
Why would you want toavoid upsetting him? He doesn't seem bothered by his ignorant, neanderthal sons upsetting you. Besides, given how self-centred his kids are, I would be surprised they'd do anything for him... even if he plans and pays. This may be a non- problem.
I was thinking this too -
I was thinking this too - doesn't he realize there is "no harmony" between you and his kids? If he does, but he wants you to go anyway, then that's the issue. Or if he doesn't notice it, that's an issue, too.
So just say - "Hey, since your kids do X, Y, and Z when I'm around, I'm not going to be going."
Not any time soon
I am not in any rush to marry him, however; I love him and I know he loves me. It is very complicated to even describe this situation and the more I think about it the less attractive he becomes to me. I told him that I was not going out with him and his boys for Father's Day dinner and he was fine with me not wanting to go. He didn't force me to go nor did he ask me why I was not coming. Something inside of me said that he was releaved that me and his sons would not have any drama for that night.
To answer your question about the Bill of Rights I presented him; he is so opposed to it, and I know he wants his 17 years old to live with me in the same house. His 17 years - his youngest son- in one night he had an outburst at me rudely and his dad did not take any action about it and yet still the dad - my fiancé - forces me to accept that setup for his 17 soon to be 18 to live with me. This is a deal breaker to me if his son lives with us I know it will be a living nightmare. So I decided to tell my fiancé to have a serious talk with his son that things will change and he needs to live with mother for the rest of the week. My fiancé refused and keeps insisting on having his youngest son lives with us.
At this point, I know that marriage is merely a dream and this man is stagnant clinging on his past and his sons as if they are still babies.
No, I am not marrying him nor will I move in when he doesn't want to move on and change his norm to fit the new life with me.
thank you for your advice