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Bio Mom stealing my joy completely

lovingstepmom's picture

A little background. I met the most amazing man at church, I was instantly drawn to him not just because he is handsome but because we had the same love of the Lord. I have two amazing sons and he has one daughter who is 4 yrs old and she is an absolute doll. I couldn't have been more blessed. However there is a BM who is evil in every sense of the word. While we dated if she called while he had his daughter he would immediatley jump up and go home. I thought it was strange but I let it go then on one occassion he was picking my sd up from bm at taco bell and me and my sons went this time because we were all going to grab at bite. When she seen me she went over to his truck and started hitting and scratching him, the police were called but she left before they got there. This was my first wake up call about what I was dealing with. We got married and it was then that I found out more. She had (before me) broke in his house and had physically hit him in the face multiple times. There is a police report and pics to support this. Since this time I have helped him establish boundaries (we have only been married 3 months) it's been a lot of arguing because I cannot see why he has allowed this woman to run over him and control him so much. She cheated on him and left him for another man who she married even before we got married. I do not speak to her. He has joint custody and we have her every wed-fri and rotate weekends so we have her alot but she sees her every day we have her. She brings her to meet him at 5pm and he has to bring her to meet her mom at 7am the next morning and even though it's a short time every evening we have her she still insist on calling her just 3 hours after we get her. We are going to court on the 28th to try to change it where we don't have to deal with her at exchanges anymore and just pick up and drop off at school or one week on one week off but it has almost driven me up the wall. I love my husband and he is finally standing up.

giveitago's picture

I am so pleased your husband is standing up now, it takes a lot to overcom these sorts of people. We had to wait until he kids came of age, whereupon I stated that their relationship/or lack thereof, is between them and their mother and NOTHING to do with us.
We have had legal custody for 8 years now, ever since I came on the scene. Both BM's abandoned their kids to us!
It's been hell on wheels more often than not but there's a lot of love here, we'll make it!

shielded2009's picture

Great that your husband is standing up to her...

My DH dealt with this initially with BM, and he finally started standing up to her and it's calmed down a lot...

DH RARELY has to see BM, because he got it written in the court order that she's not allowed to go to the school or after school care on DH's days UNLESS there's an emergency...And when there's no school (on Sundays or holidays) their pick up is at the police station...

You can request the judge be VERY specific with this kind of stuff when you have proof that BM is violent or antagonistic...DH got this set up because BM would act a lunatic in court, so the judge got a front row seat...

Take the documents with you that showed how she's attacked him, and if you've got a decent judge they'll allow you to reduce the amount of contact with her...

lovingstepmom's picture

I appreciate all the responses. My only question is I wonder if the Judge will allow the one week on, one week off since she's only 4? I have heard it's better for them to start young and get adjusted. Right now it's chaotic. Wed, Thurs, Fri it's 7am drop offs to her and 5pm pick ups from her (every day) he isn't allowed to take her to school because BM works there as a coach. She's more like a man. ugh! I would be nice to her although she has talked horrible about me. She is just a very mean person, no other word for it.

lovingstepmom's picture

Do you have to get permission from the BM when they have joint custody on having her talk to a Psych? I guess he should ask his attorney but I'm wondering if anyone else has went through this. I'm sure I know the answer. This is such a nightmare. I don't wish it on anyone.