I have no idea what to do and could use some suggestions.
I tried to disengage and was criticized by BM and stepchildren for not helping them.
I tried to help and was criticized by them and accussed of horrible things like abuse because I will not allow them to cuss, throw things, scream, ruin the furniture, be mean to me or my daughter..you get the picture.
I have asked for a divorce a million times but DH keeps saying he loves me and will fix this. I cannot afford to leave right now because I am unemployed so I literally feel trapped in this home that is actually a form of Hell for me.
Now we are in the middle of a custody battle and I went with DH to see the court appointed couselor for help. I showed her pictures of BM acting like a maniac and told her this is how the children act also.
I informed her I have a 12 yo daughter that I do not tolerate this from and even she is disturbed by her stepsiblings behavior. Why do I have to tolerate this from stepchildren in my own home? They terrorize us then go back to BM and complain about us and make up crap about what we say and do.
They have actually criticized me for taking my daughter out to dinner but not themm, buying clothes for myself but not them, buying us cell phones so we can facetime each other. In reality they have all this and more and have never shared a bit with me and my daughter so I do not comprehend the problem. They live a privledged spoiled lifestyle and have two of everything- one set in each home. My daughter and I have one home and far less than they have. My ex makes very little money and I hardly get any child support so there is no comparison.
The counselor literally told me that I had to put up with the bad behavior from them and the BM in order for my DH to be able to see his children.
So what is the point of the counseling?
Who are they helping?
Everyone is allowed to abuse me and my daughter in our own home but we just have to tolerate it?
Do counselors actually do anything to help?
Is bad behavior just considered normal now?
Do they feel that it is not possible to make a child behave or an adult for that matter?
If that is the case then how do they explain the people such as my daughter and I and my side of the family who have never tolerated this and did not realize that people actually find this craziness acceptable?
If I had behaved like this as a child I would have been beaten and had every privledge taken away. Now we cannot even raise our voice and it is labeled abuse! Who is the parent anyway?
I just cannot live this way and cannot seem to find anyone rational in the court system.
Pardon my venting...
>>>The counselor literally
>>>The counselor literally told me that I had to put up with the bad behavior from them and the BM in order for my DH to be able to see his children<<<
How did you keep from bursting out laughing? That's some funny stuff right there. My DH's visitation has nothing to do with our address. If DH's kids were like your skids, he would have been seeing them somewhere else.
I disagree with the above ,
I disagree with the above , you are screaming for help to your dh are I not? And one of those forms of desperation are to bring up divorce .. Your hopin by threatning divorce your dh will take u more seriously and take care of what he's got to take care of amirite?? I wish good luck to you because I too am I'm a situation where I feel somewhat trapped wih a baby on the way and no job and a bratty ss who destroys my house and his bm who won't go a weekend without drama of some kind... I wish it were legal to silence people forever. Best of luck if u find something that gives you peice of mind PLEASE LET ME KNOW cause that is all I want !! We have to accept it for what it is right girl? Pure crap! That unfortunately ain't goin away so we gotta figure out how to coupe with it and have peice of mind for our dhs sake and our own sanity!
Empty threats do not work.
Empty threats do not work. All they do is teach people that your words mean nothing. It's a green light for them ti ignore what you say and carry on as usual.
The counseling is "family"
The counseling is "family" counseling. Thought I was part of the family!
Yes, my talking about divorce is a cry for my husband to change. I love him...I however am not willing to put up with the crazies. If there is no change then once I have a job and income again I will get a divorce.
Stop accepting criticism from
Stop accepting criticism from step-children and BM for heavens sake.
At this point it's irrelevent what they think. Find work and move out.
I feel for ya. WHat does your
I feel for ya. WHat does your hubby say to this terrorism? Sounds like he is the problem here. He needs to control and command these looneys (that includes the BM). If he really loves you, he will prove it by actions, not words. So, have a talk with him, make a list of the following:
1. He does the disciplining, not you (just make notes of what happened while he was not at home);
2. When he has his children, he should do things with them, not you (while you go take care of your own child);
3. Take your child to the side and teach her that what she sees is poor behavior and poor parenting and "WE don't do that, that is not how I raise you" and what she is having to endure is not her fault, and that you are giving it some time but if the situation does not improve, you will take her out of that environment yourself and move to your own place (there are people that need roommates in this economy).
Bullies only bully when they are allowed to. Set boundaries to protect yourself and your daughter. Your husband needs to set boundaries toward the Loonie Bunch, you set boundaries to protect the two of you. Help her also learn out of this. Life is not perfect, but we can raise perfect kids by actively parenting them in every situation.
I can relate to what you are
I can relate to what you are going through. The only problem I see with all the advice given is (in my opinon) I don't want my children thinking that families come and go. I could pack up and divorce him, but do we really want our children thinking that marriage is disposable, like toilet paper or something? We really (as a society) need to face the problem of divorce, it's not something that should be so quick to us. I agree that she needs to battle this one out, there is a solution to every problem, and we (as members of this room) need to try to help her. Divorce shouldn't be our first answer, can we (together) help you with some suggestions???