:? :?

Dh has been blacklisted at SS3's daycare/preschool/whatever you want to call it.

SS3 is in low income preschool that he only qualifies for b/c BM doesn't claim the money DH gives her and probably does a fair amount of lying about her own income and doesn't tell DH when she signs him up so Dh's income isn't considered.

BM WAS known by SS's teacher as crazy. She would rip pages out of SS3's homework notebook if DH wrote a message from the teacher on it. The teacher gave DH her cell phone number and they met regularly about SS's behavior/progress.

Well, BM must have talked to the owners of the school (who speak very little english) b/c when DH asked the owner about volunteering, the owner made some hard to understand joke about DH not wanting to pay alimony (BM and Dh were never married, but that's besides the point).

Well, the owner gave DH this list of things he had to do to volunteer. Immunizations he needed to document. A background check. No problem. DH brings in what he's told he needs. THEN the owner says they need BM's permission for DH TO VOLUNTEER AT HIS OWN SONS SCHOOL. The next day (after I'm sure BM said no) they said there were no volunteer opportunities. No fieldtrips coming up. And if he wants copies of handouts or anything, they'll have to ask BM for permission about that to.

Then, DH tried to attend a parents meeting that the school has once a month. He was told BM might attend so he had to leave. He called back bc the teacher forgot SS's notebook and when he came to pick it up apparently BM no-showed at the meeting so they told him he could stay.

But the teacher was still on DH's side and met with him. Well, this week BM took a day from DH's time with SS claiming his relationship status is the only reason he wants the "extra" day that he's had for months (what???). And in her email she quoted something DH had said to SS's teacher about SS probably sensing when a court date is coming because he's very sensitive to his parents emotions and responds behaviorally. BM said that she AND the teacher were trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him for saying that. (She likes to speak for the teachers a lot).

Well, DH tried to text the teacher like they agreed on and he got no answer. Then he tried calling the school. He's been told he has to leave the school by random teachers he doesn't know so it's apparent the whole school is 'in' on this. Whoever answered the phone said the teacher was busy and took a message that never got returned. So, he called today to schedule an appointment with the owner of the daycare. He was told the owner was on vacation. The person on the phone wouldn't tell him when the owner would be back and said that if DH wants to talk to someone about SS3 he can wait until progress report time and come in with BM. Meanwhile, BM can come and go as she pleases.

On top of that, BM had been teaching SS to say terrible things. This weekend it was if he touches a brown person he'll turn brown and brown people are brown b/c they don't take baths (DH is mostly white, BM is white, SS3 is white and I'm mostly black. BM is racist and thinks this is her way of hurting me). It gets progressively worse every week. DH told BM he wants to take SS to a therapist just to help him "cope with all the transitions" so as not to alert her. She refused and said it is not Dh's "place" to take SS to any kind of doctor without her permission (though she never tells DH about any medical appointments). She said that if he think SS needs a therapist then DH is the one who needs a therapist. All of her accusations about us brainwashing SS to think I'm his mom (when we've done the opposite) wouldn't SHE want him to see a therapist to get proof. But she has all but threatened DH if he takes SS. Why? I don't understand.

What rights does dh have as a non custodial parent. In our state, the mother has natural custody until it is determined by the court and this is there first time going to court. We only just learned yesterday that, custodial or not, DH has a right to access SS's school information without BM's consent. Does he have the right to volunteer too? To take him to a therapist? It just seems like there is way too much power here in BM's hands just bc she is the mother and DH has an uphill battle with her AND the school. And how can he prove the school is doing this when they won't talk to him? He can't force a parent teacher conference. And how is he going to convince a judge that BM AND an entire daycare has conspired against him??? Our lawyer is useless and we can't afford to retain a new one. What rights does DH have?!