Why do bm's THINK they get to call the shots?
This is dh's weekend and ss11 has a field trip fri. in which he will not be back til 10:30pm. Ok fine but bm took it upon herself to TELL dh that ss11 will not be coming on fri. night and that dh can pick him up at her house sat morn around 10 am. Dh told her no he will pick him up from the bus at 10:30 fri. night no problem.
Of course bm threw a hissy and said that is not going to happen and she will turn her phone off b/c it is the end of discussion.
Really since when is it up to bm to tell dh when he can and can't have his kids on HIS time???? Not to mention how immature she is by turning her phone off. Her excuse to why dh was not allowed to pick him up is b/c ss11 MAY have something he needs to giver her. HUH??? Dh told her she can show up and get his back pack and stuff is she wants but he will be there to pick him up as it is HIS time.
So now what will happen I don't know when he picks him up?? But I am still trying to understand why she even thinks she can tell him what will and will not happen instead of just saying "hey ss has a field trip and will not be back til 10:30 what would you like to do?" But NOOO she has to try just say this is what will happen period!
Tell DH to call the school on
Tell DH to call the school on Fri to make sure SS went on the trip. Then he needs to show up, CO in hand, at or before 10:30 to pick up his son.
Yep I think I will say
Yep I think I will say something to dh about making sure he went on the trip. But if he didn't then there would be no need for all this crap and her to justify her behavior. Therefore dh can pick him with the other 2. I really think she will send him on the trip to justify her behavior.
No dh refuses to answer her calls, she MUST leave a mess and it HAS to be about the kids or she texts and IF he thinks it is a good reason to text back he will. Bm did try all those things you say yours do but dh just won't let her. Ya for dh!
We have the same issues with
We have the same issues with our BM.
SS15 has been making very, very poor choices in friends and extra cirricular activities for the past two years. BM would call up DH and tattle that SS15 is being bad, can you come take care of it.
DH and myself would go over, handle the situation, lay down restrictions for SS15. As soon as we would leave BM would allow SS15 to carry on as if we had never been there and he had never gotten into trouble.
This alienated DH and SS15. SS15 just started speaking to DH in March after a huge altrication involving DH, SS15, BM, myself, BM's sister, SS15's cousin. It was the normal, BM calling DH telling him that SS15 & cousin are doing blah, blah, blah...DH got tired of SS15's antics and then cousin bucked up to DH (cousin was 17 at the time and is now 18) and tried to punch DH. Cousin didn't know who he was dealing with and DH gave him a good lick and BM and BM's sister went crazy (like henhouse chickens that got a visit from a fox). It was bad. BM had alienated SS15 so much by that time that SS15 saw no wrong in what cousin did.
Anyhow...I understand how it goes. BM is trying to do this with SD12 now, but we got some tricks up our sleeve that she isn't going to like!
It's a vicious cycle, and DHs all over need to stand up to the malicious BMs and let them know they are not the boss. BFs don't need to lye down and die during custody, fight for the kids. Those kids are 50% yours so fight for AT LEAST 50% of legal control!!!!!
I wish that would have worked
I wish that would have worked for us!
After the "blow up" in August BM still tried to call DH and say that SS15 is doing this or doing that and DH told her that if she feels the need to override his authority after she asked for it then she can deal with the situation herself. SS15 even "refused" to come over on DH's time. We let is ride out and SS15 came around after seeing his mom was crazy. But there are still lingering issues.
Since we did that SS15 got an underage consumption charge. In Feb. BM moved in with her BF (they are now married..he is husband #4) she allowed for SS15 to remain living in her home. He was unattended almost all of the time and had numerous parties. The night that BM married husband #4, SS15 had a party, the cops were called and whola, you have your underage consumption charge.
We've had the preliminary hearing, and the judge would not let BM speak, he spoke directly to SS15 and he looked like a moron!
After allowing her the control she wanted everything has gone downhill. SS15 has the charge, is now having to attend summer school because of failed classes (he had to last summer as well). SD12's grades fell drastically. She stayed with us from the end of Jan to the end of March and we had her grades rising, SD12 then moved back in with BM and grades fell back down, homework was not done and she got in trouble at school to the point of a necessary parent teacher conference and ISS!!!!
I got to call BM out at the P/T conf.!!! That was great. Cell phone use is not allowed in SD12's middle school and BM was texting SD12 during school hours on multiple occasions. So in the conf. I advised the teachers that I know part of the problem is SD12's use of her cell. When BM piped in to say that the problem will be resolved I looked at her and said, "Really, because you are one of the people that are texting her during school hours." BM shut up realy quick. I then advised her teachers while making direct eye contact with BM that there will be time restrictions placed on SD12's phone and that if ANYONE needs to contact SD12 they will need to call the office and leave a message for SD12! BM's face turned red! It was GREAT!!!!!! LOL
Anyhow, we have allowed for her to dig herself a hole and have filed for custody of both children. BM is so pissed, she is even renigging on previously set time with SD12. Our previously set arrangments (not in a parenting plan) were that the kids really had free range of who they wanted to stay with and when. Either parent would get with SD12 and wherever she wanted to go was okay as long as there were no family plans. Now that we have filed for custody she is holding SD12 hostage! It probably doesn't help that our family has been hanging out with BM's husband #3 that she HATES!!!! Haha! Husband #3 has also filed for custody of their son together.
It's the most crazy drawn out story, I should write a blog post about it...it may take a while to read, lol...so get a large cup of coffee!!!!!!
My dh will never ever
My dh will never ever 'discipline' the kids while bm has them. He told her that if she is just going to let them do what she wants instead of enforcing what he says then it does not good. And if she is not going to do anything about it at her house then it is useless. He tells her now any time she calls or texts about how bad the kids have been, that she NEEDS to take care of b/c if he comes to her 'rescue' then the boys will never listen to her.
(No subject)
This is deja vue.....BM does
This is deja vue.....BM does this to my DH all the time, she will take SD away for the weekend to see her parents on our weekend and only call Friday morning when they are on their way...or she will call when they are already there and say oh well too bad for you...
As well in the summer we will get a call the day we are to pick up SD and BM will say too bad we are out of town and will not be back for another 2 weeks.. Oh and BM does not work..she could take SD anytime but no it has be on DH's weekend.
It is getting better because SD is older now ..she's 10 and tells her BM NO I want to go and spend the weekend with Daddy and SM...so
I swear the sole purspose of the BM's is to wreak havoc on the lives of others...argh....
Just go and pick up this child and the heck with the BM...it's your DH's weekend...Z
Ah yes, the Typical
Ah yes, the Typical Hypocritical BM.
The only things in the CO that the BM feels necessary to follow are the ones that are in HER best interest.
If it is H's weekend visitation time, well that is ONLY if BM can't figure out something ELSE for the skids to do on that time!
It's not BM's FAULT if she can't get the skids' medical bills to us within the (generous) 6 months the court allows. But when she sends half a year of bills right around Thanksgiving, she sure as HELL expects that H will pay his half within the 30 days the court said!
H should have to pay for all transportation since HE moved away. But when BM moves, H is STILL supposed to transport skids both ways.
If H can't pay his CS for some reason, his credit gets ruined. But BM can violate the CO left and right with no recourse - unless you got plenty of money for lawyers to take her to court for Contempt time and time again (We did - once - and won a judgment against her of $500. Which she, of course, refused to pay).
Even looking at the court papers... it is BM (Plaintiff) VS. H (Defendant). H says, "Why am I the defendant? I didn't do anything illegal!"
Our BM is trying my
Our BM is trying my nerves...i swear if we didn't have custody pending!!!!! When people say that the high road is often times the hardest road to travel...man they aint kidding!!!!!
She started crap with us last night...husband #4 called, threatened DH (told DH he would be sorry and that DH is making his bed and now he is going to have to lie in it)...we called the police and filed a report. She took SD12's phone away for no other reason other than so she couldn't contact us.
I sent BM a text msg this morning....conversation as follows
Me: You need to have SD12 at (name for local mall) at noon. My mom will be there to pick her up. She will meet you in the parking lot in front of Sears Automotive. Don't be late.
BM: F*&k u this don't involve u. It's between DH and I. I will meet him at 12 and if he is not there she will b with me til he can get her.
BM: Don't text or call me or I will press charges for harrassment.
What a friggin gem! See what we are having to deal with...all because we filed for custody.
sounds like she just wants
sounds like she just wants control of the hole situation...she is like a little kid trying to get her way...i agree with some of the comments...make sure he is there earl with paperwork in hand...and call the cops if you have too...i doubt she will act like a lunatic with a bunch of parents there..
i feel your pain. i do the
:sick: i feel your pain. i do the same thing all the time, always letting her have her way and going above and beyond to help her out. then i get mad at myself and tell myself i am not her f***ing nanny...but i dont do it....i feel like a sucker.
its very true...but i am
its very true...but i am going to turn a new leaf and have her talk to dh and let him make the decisions, especially now that i am expecting...i cant turn over be her bitch anymore..lol...hopefully i stick to it... }:)
Well I just want to say that
Well I just want to say that bm did show up to get his back pack which had nothing in it! I mean they were on a field trip all day to 10:30pm! Plus it is the last days of school what could POSSIBLY in a 5th graders back pack that couldn't wait til sun???
my sk's Bm tried that "what I
my sk's Bm tried that "what I say goes" stuff and I think it was because she was with DH for so long and got used to calling the shots, once I was in the picture she had to push boundaries to make sure that even though DH had remarried (to me) she still got a say in his life. She found out she didnt though! And now we hardly ever have to talk to her thank god. But I do believe in a lot of cases that is what that behavior is all about.
My SS's BM is the same way
My SS's BM is the same way and when she tried to control DH he turns around and unleashes my bitchy ass on her - she has learned over the years that:
1. I don't love her was never in love with her and will not put up with the bullshit that she tries to dish out like my DH did in the beginning
2. That when it comes to being a bitch - she has truly met her match
3. That while DH loves SS he loves his wife and will do anything to make her happy much like I will for him
4. That we are a parental unit and not to be messed with
5. That DH will and did scream at her the last time she called and actually threatened a lawyer if she kept being a bitch and not allowing him to see his son
6. That I take very good care of her SS but there is a limit to what can be expected of me and she better not push anything extra on me
I have learned over the years:
1. That if you are not vigilant you could end up being very poor
2. That a BM will try to suck you dry of money, energy and any happiness that you have with your DH
3. That if I lived in the same state as her I would be doing 25 to life because I hate her that much
4. That even seeing her 1 time a year to pick up SS was WAAAAAYYYYYYY TOO MUCH
5. That there are actually money grubbing, greedy, cheating women like her out in the world and I would never have been her friend in a million years
and would probably have went out of my way to avoid someone like her or probably because DH said she had a habit of going to parties and trying to
get with all the other women's husband that I would have punched her out already - lucky for me she was already married to my DH so she now
focuses on other married men and married men only!!
6. That I have never looked forward to a date (June 1, 2012) so eagerly in my life!!!
7. And finally that if you and your DH are on the same page and he loves you and you love him you can conquer those bitchy BM's and entitled Skids
but you have have to be on the same page and be a united front!!
DH had actually gotten me to email her when he is at his wit's end and she is not listening to him - so I write my email and case closed - she knows I love my husband and I will let nothing and no one hurt him ever again and she knows that I am not afraid to say what I am feeling and to tell her exactly how I feel about things so she knows once I write she has pushed it and shuts up. She is like that annoying little bug that flies around that you want to squash but can't well because then I would be doing 25 to life - lol
I know that that is what that
I know that that is what that is all about!! See my bm is all about appearances and it didn't matter WHO she was married to but she just didn't want her marriage to fail and if it did it HAD to be his fault. It was her fault as she cheated and abused him and he left b/c he couldn't take it anymore. He filed she countered and wanted it to look like she filed first and she spread all over the place that he cheated and I was preggo which is why he HAD to marry me!!
Anyway it is all about making sure she is still #1 and thinks she can call the shots b/c she did for all the years they were married but now she can't and just thinks she does. Even ss15 told me that she still brags everyone that she still controls my dh! ss15 said he knows she doesn't and just think she does. LOL
Now it is all about poor pitiful bm that is a single mom and dh is to blame! Even though she refuses to get a job and sits on her butt doing NOTHING while my poor dh works over 60 hours a week. But of course she is working herself to the bone just being a mom! :sick:
Its good that your DH doesnt
Its good that your DH doesnt stand for that either. Unfortunately my sd's (16, 20) think they need to push boundaries to make sure they still call the shots in their dads life and thats a much harder problem to handle. Well for me at least it is because where as DH hates his ex wife and loves to put her in her place, he DOES let his kids dictate terms too often and that drives me up a wall. But at least BM got run off of that path with her tail between her legs. The VERY few times she calls to talk about the kids (and she only does when she absolutely has to) she is on speakerphone with me in the conversation. She used to tell my DH that she wouldnt stand for that but when he told HER too bad, she got used to it, which is why she hardly ever calls now lol.
UGH well being a BM and
UGH well being a BM and having a step kid too (ugh i hate to even say that lol) but anyways, i can see both ways i guess. i feel entitled to my child cuz she lives with me, so i feel i call the shots, but then get mad when his bm does the same thing haha double standard i knowbut its hard not to. she seems alil over bearing though
I felt the same way when I
I felt the same way when I read the post. I hate it when SS's BM make those insane last minute or in complete violation of Court Order demands BUT if DH and I were to divorce, I fear that I may be the same demanding person regarding my child.
I generally try to be very reasonable and level headed but when it comes to BS, all bets are off. That's my child and I would move heaven and earth to protect him (or in this case, I guess control him). :?
Wow, this post is really making me take a hard look at myself as a SM & BM...
Hope I still feel cool when I'm done being introspective.
This is nuts. Why in the
This is nuts. Why in the world does she care ? If the child has something for her, then she can get it later?? Somethings just confuse me... I have never asked my exh to come to my home to discipline the kids.. I can handle that one my own just fine, why would I even want him IN my house to begin with, or to call and say "hey I can't handle the mothering part of being a parent, can you come over and handle it?"
Oh hell no... furthermore, unless my children did something SEVERE (as my dd did last year) i have never asked for punishments to go between homes. There was ONE incident that we both agreed that in both homes, she would have the same punishment for her poor choice of behavior at school.
other than that, who gives a fk?